7.18.08
jenni and i met up on the above date at david's bridal to choose her bridesmaid dress. after the first trying, she made her choice and was quite pleasantly surprised how much she loved it and how flattering it was to her figure [she is obsessed over her weight and dieting and i think she dreaded this and expected it to look awful. it actually did not. i actually think im fatter, look worse than her even though i weigh less. shes a bit heavier and more voluptous but at least she has curves to compensate. i feel sloppy for the most part and hate my body.]
jenni ordered her dress and they didn't have the correct color in [victorian lilac] so she had to choose a different color just to see how the style fit her and if she liked it. i didnt get any pix obviously cos it was the wrong color. in any case, maybe i posted it already but in case i didn't , here it is off david's bridal website again :
 | Btw, the above bridesmaid style dress has a rhinestone clip on the hip. we may take it off or replace it with another type of color clip depending on whether i go with silver or gold toned jewelry.
If i wear gold or more copper oriented jewelry- we both feel the rhinestone clip will clash and will NOT match at all.
personally, i am more of a silver jewlery type person however with a champagne ivory formal bridal gown, maybe the jewelry should be warmer in tone like subtle gold. i found a few necklanes at macy's on sale. both have a champagne/topaz like stone in the design and might complement my wedding gown. im still thinking it over and next time may post pix of necklaces for opinions. one necklace is by monet, and the other by givenchy. both are pretty but not sure if its what i want yet. since i got both for 8 dollars cos the lady accidentally only charged me for one and they were fifty percent off in a big summer sale, if i decide to not go with them, i wont be losing much money - it was a steal of a deal in my opinion! :D
pix from my cam! these are quick ones and hard to photograph so i took a bunch and most are blurry or dont show up well in the pix so this is mainly just to give a hint of what style jewelry i am considering wearing with my bridal gown: [if i go with gold- i will go with an ivory and/or gold type style shoe possibly ballerina leather style- saw two we loved at kenneth cole outlet out by sarasota/bradenton earlier this month]
pix of givenchy style necklace i tried taking today:
shannon's bridesmaid purchase and reveal:
Subj:Bridesmaid Dress
Date:7/26/2008 1:59:01 PM Eastern Daylight Time
Hi April!
I went to David's Bridal and got the dress today. Attached is a picture of me w/the dress and the length of my hair. I might get it cut/trim soon, but my hair grows really fast. Can you send this email to Jen too. I have her email saved in my outlook acct at work and i'm home now.
Thanks and talk to you soon!
How was wedding band shopping?
Hugs!!
flowergirls ideas
from david's bridal, we were partial to these flower girl dress styles. my mom is supposed to take alexcia in the next week to order her dress. in ivory. she will be a cutie in whatever they choose - i am sure- because the truth is that she looks adorable no matter what she wears.
here are a few we loved most:
Style FG203 NEW!
[like the girl on right's dress- 2nd girl in pic]
Style FG8580
| then we trotted on over to michael's arts and crafts and are thinking of these particular favors: ivory flower confetti- fancy bubble blowers wedding program printing pack favor bag or item holder/ candy fillers ivory tulle for bows on chairs
and then this-- following day registered painstakingly with jimmy at bed bath and beyond- he made it one of the most stressful experiences coupled with the stores annoying peeping and eavesdropping. most of the fun was sucked out of and left there two hrs later, in bad moods with headaches. later we felt manipulated and didn't like how the store handled the experience let alone how we had no privacy! we also felt the advice was fake and to their benefit rather than ours and catered to highest priced designer brand items in every facet of the store. we felt pressured to only choose from sections/brands we were pushed to choose from- all highest priced although there were many other lower priced lines. every step of the way, we were approached, cornered or subtely pushed into choosing the most expensive so it almost felt uncomfortable to go with anything of lesser price because eyes were on us every where we went and every corner we turned was someone to greet us and eavesdrop nosily as to what we were picking and writing down. it was extremely agitating and NOT fun. we didnt even finish there and later in the week had to spend precious time revising our list and deleting several items we felt unnecessary. for one, they had talked us into the highest priced china and i cant ever see us using something like that much at all. the lady convinced us, well jimmy not me, that china was a must for every married couple and all the get togethers. we don't have any now at our place so i don't foresee many and think it's kind of unpractical and not my cup of tea. i'm not a formal person or a social butterfly and i prefer it that way. i wouldn't mind now and then having a couple friends over or family a few times a year for special events/holidays but no way would it be in the capacity that this girl was trying to suggest it will be. jimmy acted like he was not sold on the china thing but then later when we revised our list, decided he wants china just a cheaper kind so apparently he liked the idea more than he wanted to admit, just not the price range that was being offered. we didn't even get to the kitchen area becos we were so exhausted with the two hrs there and frustrated by having no privacy. he may go back later in the month w/ or w/out me as all the kitchen stuff and cook ware should be chosen by him since that's his love and not mine. he is the cook, not me. i don't have any clue about domestic things such as that. i have tried of course, recently but if i were given a class on how to cook, what to use, how to measure things or follow a recipe, i would definitely fail. i am klutzy, hate touching food esp raw or gettng my hands dirty, and find cooking to be boring and torture at once. i am not the typical girl for sure and i have heard tons of criticism from both of my fiance's parents. i cringe at the jabs they will put in, chime in when they have the chance at the bridal shower and actual wedding because i know it IS indeed coming. be not afraid, though, as i am not afraid to come back with a sarcastic answer to an unwelcome sarcastic remark/jab at me. they know from past replies and irritated tones, that its a sore subject. the more i am pushed, the more i will react the same way. no one is going to force me to be something i am not or try to mold me into what they want. childish or not, i refuse. they are not my parents and i am not their child. so that is how i feel. we do plan to go to target- to do a second bridal registry together in the next month. we think it will be more relaxed and much more light hearted fun as we shop there often and love everything there and can always find cool stuff that is not overpriced. besides, it will be more affordable and practical for many of our guests as most are not loaded with money and we both agree bed bath and beyond is pricey for about 90 percent of the people who will attend our wedding and will be out of their range! below was our bed/bath and beyond email registry welcome email. i put it in here for my own documentation and so i can keep track of all this stuff that is quickly piling up on me! Dear April and Jimmy,
Thank you for registering with Bed Bath & Beyond. We are delighted that you chose us! This welcome email contains important information and links. We recommend that you save it in a safe place for future reference.
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You elected to have your registry available online at www.bedbathandbeyond.com. Our online bridal registry allows you to update and modify your registry at any time.
ACCESS YOUR REGISTRY: To review or update your registry, please click on the link provided below and enter your personal password. You may also update your registry by visiting any of our stores, by calling 1-800-GO-BEYOND(R) (1-800-462-3966) or by e-mailing us at customer.service@bedbath.com.
Link to access your Registry: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/regHome.asp
REGISTRANT INFORMATION: To review your event details including your event date, names and addresses click on View Registrant Information.
To insure that your gifts are sent to the correct address, it is very important that we maintain accurate shipping information. Please take this opportunity to verify that all of your shipping information is correct.
If the information is not correct, or if you move, please update your shipping information online or email us at customer.service@bedbath.com with the updated shipping information.
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Some of the features and benefits available to you at www.bedbathandbeyond.com include:
* Fine Tabletop & Giftware - Online you will find a great selection of fine china, crystal stemware, flatware and giftware from many top name brands! You can now add any of these items to your registry online with just a few clicks. Fine Tabletop & Giftware is also available in select stores, for a store location closest to you, please call 1-800-GO-BEYOND(R) (1-800-462-3966).
* Prompt Updates Our bridal registry is fully integrated, assuring you that changes or purchases made to your registry in-store, online, or at 1-800-GO-BEYOND(R) (1-800-462-3966) are updated everywhere in our registry system.
* Bridal Keepsakes - We offer a collection of wedding-related merchandise that will remind you of your special day for years to come.
* Wedding Wisdom - Tips to help you plan your special day! Plus, useful information for your Wedding Party and Guests!
* E-mail Announcements - Simply log onto your registry under "update an existing registry." Scroll down to the bottom of your registry and click on the e-mail announcement link to use this convenient feature. We'll be happy to send an e-mail announcement to your family and friends, which will include an easy link to your registry. You provide the e-mail addresses, and we'll do the rest!
Bed Bath & Beyond is committed to providing the best customer service. If there is anything we can do to help, please visit any of our stores, call 1-800-GO-BEYOND(R) (1-800-462-3966) or e-mail us at customer.service@bedbath.com. An expert Registry Consultant will be happy to assist you.
All the best,
The Bridal & Gift Registry Staff
COPYRIGHT 2004 BED BATH & BEYOND INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
7.11.08 on tuesday morning, early in the morn. we traveled about 40 minutes away to downtown tampa by davis island where tampa general hospital is located and the spirometry dept exists for patients referred there, to measure one's breath [how long you are able to hold it, inhale or exhale] - specializing in treatment of asthma patients. Jimmy accompanied me. We registered on one floor and got basic paper work put into the computer and then I was directed to another floor and wing of the hospital. Once I arrived, I was told to wait in this tiny three seater corner of a waiting room next to the spirometry testing area. It also seemed to be a place for stress-testing but possibly related to breathing? Once called in, I got Virgil- an older african american man who was kind, funny, and amusing whom even Jimmy easily talked with and joked and liked right away as we talked of him afterwards. Virgil taught me to use an asthma inhaler properly and actually took about fifteen minutes to go step by step with me and then practice a few times having me do it alone to ensure I was doing it correctly as I had expressed that I felt I wasn't entirely sure IF how I was doing it was right and had trouble knowing what the right way was because I'd only been diagnosed a year or more ago and was still learning since the inhaler wasnt something I used frequently. My asthma problem is newer than most and more minor than others who were born with it and have had it their whole lives. I think it amazed/shocked Virgil how I was prescribed these meds and all but none of the drs I had had taken the time to show me how to use inhalers or even tell me how to do it. I tried learning by reading the directions and following them but when it comes to things like that I am not very coordinated physically and I suck at combining two actions at once. you have to be able to push down the inhaler which shoots out the medicine but only after youve taken a deep breath, blow it out and then suck the air back AS YOU PUSH the inhaler down quickly and hold it for 10 long seconds. I am telling you its hard and something that takes time to master. I suck at things that involve THIS kind of coordination. I am a bit of a klutz, I admit! Virgil did not teach me the tricks of the trade when it comes to Inhalers til the end of my appointment but I know it was something that he kindly offered to me out of generosity and wanting to help, knowing I didnt even know the basics. He even gave me a spacer with is a plastic piece of tubing that goes on top of the inhaler to ensure the right amount of medicine so one doesn't over inhale etc. I thanked him at the end, really grateful a stranger would do this and surprised since working in a hospital, health profession nowadays does not mean getting a kind, helpful, genuinely people loving health care worker. In fact its often the opposite, people who are rude, cold, passive aggressive, rushed, unempathetic. It's sad what most of the health profession has come to. These are people desensitized who've forgotten the meaning of their chosen profession and have become hardened- probably due to the stress of it all. I know firsthand since my mother is a nurse, RN, and is burned out and one of the most skilled people at not showing emotion and being cold when it serves her. But this techie who acted like a dr was very kind and had a fatherly feeling, the kind I never had but always wanted. In any case, prior to learning how to inhale my asthma medication- albuterol, Virgil had set me up at a computer and sat me down in a comfortable chair. He set me up with this apparatus to breath into and a sort of tube to put my mouth over and suck the air out of. It was embarrassing. HE kept telling me I wasnt inhaling hard enough and Jimmy was laughing. I felt self conscious. You had to keep your lips tightly around this piece of plastic while inhaling and exhaling otherwise air escaped and your breathing could not be accurately measured on this machine. It took about three teachings and tries with the technician before I could even start the test. In the end, it probably took about forty mins for this test. After we returned home, we watched some of this trial live on trutv which involved a local murder case where we lived by citrus park. trial of joshua rosa. napped and then were about to get ready in the mid afternoon to make a trip over to my parents to pick up my mother for a 7' o clock meeting with a photographer we had found that does both full ceremony/reception photography [bw, color and artistic styles] as well as provides a DJ for reception. The company is known as Celebrations of Tampa Bay and we'd found a fantastic package deal online and it was not going to be any cheaper than that elsewhere as we'd researched hundreds of other places via wedding magazines and websites. This one was $1500.00 for the entire pkg of dj and photography and if you booked, a special coupon of one hundred dollars off. Just as we were getting ready to get into the shower so we could get ready for this appt, my father called Jimmy's cell phone to basically put him on the spot and criticize him and his family in regard to this wedding. He complained how he had a junk car and needed a new one and how my mom had paid for a lot already in this wedding. He also accused her [she was not home and had made this call behind my mother's back] and us of running around behind his back and betraying him by signing up for things for the wedding she had paid for [ie. my dress, caterer, chapel hall etc.] My father went on to tell Jimmy that his family needed to pay for a photographer if we wanted one because he wasnt allowing my mother to pay for it or at least pay for half. I didn't hear the whole convo since I wasn't on the phone but I was next to him and could hear snippets thru the cell and felt shocked, angry, pissed, irritated- it was just unbelievably out of line to not only call my fiance like that but to put down his family and make hostile remarks such as this. He claimed that nowadays the groom's family paid for half of the wedding. Both Jimmy and I stated that that was not true and he was out of touch. It was the bride's side and it has always been that way and he could look at any magazine or book and that was what it was going to tell him. He didn't want to hear it though + proceeded to tell us that we should not come over there to pick up my mother and should cancel our appt with the photographer/dj as he was telling us he would not allow her to go or put any money down for us. We were outraged. what a control freak. I felt both angry and upset that my father had humiliated my fiance like that. Jimmy was extremely upset to the point that he felt sick to his stomach all nite and like throwing up. He felt awkward and angry at my father and didn't even want to talk to him after this and still today prob wishes to have nothing to do with him if he has any choice. I don't blame him. I felt my dad was out of line, inappropriate, manipulative and deceptive because he purposely called when he knew my mother would be out, before we were to pick her up to gain control over the situation because I think he is jealous. I knew my mother would be furious at him when she found out because she doesn't think like he does and would see what he did as low and manipulative. Plus, she loves Jimmy and it would hurt her that my father insulted him and his family, possibly making Jimmy not like them. So anyway my father said he'd have my mom call us to talk things over and find a solution but he didn't want us going over there or getting her that evening. Both Jimmy and I were extremely upset and anxiety ridden. It was his day off and we had planned this and now we had to sit around waiting for my mom's call and not knowing what to do or how to fix things and being afraid to call over my house if my mom did not call..So we waited for an hr and a half and knew she had to be home by then and my father had said she'd call by then but she had not and we were growing more tense and nervous by the minute w/o any resolve. We tried calling her cell but no one answered. Then I finally emailed her via my computer, explaining we weren't angry at her but needed to talk with her after dad had attacked Jimmy on the phone and canceled our appt and wanted to straighten things out and felt fearful to call her house if my dad was going to answer and we were very upset at his out of line behavior - appalled. This was the actual email sent: Hi Mom, Dad called Jimmy earlier and said he would have you call us at 4pm so we have been waiting for your call. Are you home yet? Dad advised that you and Jimmy talk on the phone and said for us to wait for your call. Please call us at Jimmy's number as soon as you read this. We'd try to call you now, but after the things dad was saying to Jimmy-- both of us are afraid to call. He told us to not come over today or pick you up. We don't know what to do about the appt and we were waiting to go out to eat with you and are hungry, but until we can talk and clear this up, we can't do anything without talking to you first. We tried calling your cell a few times, but no one is answering and don't know how we can reach you. Please call us at Jimmy's number - as we are waiting for word from you. Thanks and I'm sorry if we've caused any inconvenience.Love,April We decided we needed to eat something and could not wait any longer for my mom's call. I stated in the email for her to call Jimmy's cell. We went to Bennigan's- had soup and monte cristo. She called shortly before our food arrrived on the table. Jimmy said she was very apologetic and sounded very upset. She apologized up and down and said she was embarrassed/humliated and didn't agree with dad's behavior or approach and her and Jimmy agreed to work something out but do it without letting dad know. My mother at the end of her conversation with Jimmy actually told him, "Love you" and I heard him say it back. Every now and then my mom will write me short emails reminding me how wonderful Jimmy is, how lucky I am to have him, how nice he is, and generous and loving. There is something about him that she seems to really like and be touched by. At times they remind me of each other. She is similar to Jimmy- strong, hardworking, ambitious, workaholic, people-person/loves people, outgoing, social, fun personality in social settings, adventurous, versatile, well-rounded.
We went to the Men's Wearhouse where Jimmy registered himself and the groom party, this past weekend, at westshore plaza near downtown Tampa. Jimmy's tuxedo will be a black: a Calvin Klein 3-button classic tuxedo suit, the inner vest matching my dress, in champagne while the groom's party wearing a simple tux with a victorian lilac color vest, matching the bridesmaids dress color perfectly since they are connected to david's bridal and offer all their colors to match at the tuxedo shop. All men in the groom party will be wearing ivory dress shirts underneath, rather than white. we've been told since my dress is champagne/ivory that to keep it from looking dingy, all clothing/main colors should be ivory rather than white which i already knew and would have never done myself but jimmy didn't know it so i'm glad the man emphasized they all had to wear ivory and should stay away from white since it would make my dress look dirty and diminish its beauty etc. Anyway, so that's one thing we got done this past weekend, setting up the groom party with tux's and registering. This week we may concentrate on ordering the wedding invitations so we can start sending them soon and compiling addresses- we started to get addresses of his relatives this wkend when we stayed at his parents for the 4th of July. We think we've found a good photographer/DJ pkg at Celebrations of Tampa Bay and want to either set up an appt this Friday or Saturday with my mom or get that rolling with her. We have not found a florist and are having a hard time finding ones in the area tampa bay/clearwater area that are known and do weddings. Online the websites Ive found mostly suck and seem cheap, u cant tell how nice the flowers are at all. I'm just trying to brainstorm what florist we can go with and how to find a good one who knows how to do weddings! I am also considering Etsy for its artsy cute creative reasonably priced handmade jewelry but dont know how reputable it is and see a million beautiful necklaces and earrings I want. Not sure what style I want in terms of jewelry other than I either want to go with silver and crystals or silver and rose quartz or silver and moonstone [some pastel color] but I dont know for certain yet. I should share some examples of styles I like on etsy.com just to give an idea of what look I want. Im going for vintage, antique, romantic, I think. Anyone know etsy.com, shop there, or know anyone who they'd recommend?? Just curious. I spent hours and hours last nite and didnt go to bed til after seven am this morning because I got pulled into the whirlwind that is the net and sites that consume- like etsy.com LOL everyone i see, i virtually want to buy but am broke right now. that sucks. Mostly I am worried about some of the quality of the jewelry which looks a little frail or like it might not be solid enough or good enough quality to withstand breaking. I'd hate to buy something that broke during my wedding day or even within a short period of time. Even if the prices are reasonable, if the material quality is poor and it breaks after one or a few mos, than I've wasted my money. I like my necklaces to last five years or more and my best ones do last that long but lately all jewelry seems flimsy and breakable and cheap, unless you are buying top of the line fine jewelry with platinum gold or white gold- which i cannot afford but wish i could. Next week Jimmy is off on vacation so I've got like two dr appts [and they have made 2 or 3 other additional dr appts in the next month or two.] I hate this new dr. its like they assigned me six appts in two mos because they are so booked and everything is a hard long process. it is tampa general clinic and it is not near here, it is far away, not in a great area/neighborhood, and inconvenient with their hours open and to get there. I have in addition, another appt tomorrow, at the spirometry clinic in downtown tampa by davis island. it sucks. Its at 9am but since its far and theres a lot of traffic we have to leave by 8am. I am not a morning person. I often dont fall asleep til after six am. I wonder how I will pull this off. It sux but I'll get thru it somehow. :/ The tampa gen. clinic seems to cater mostly to homeless and welfare cases which is why it seems i have a million appts and crappy dr service. i cant wait to get married to get proper health ins. under jimmy. i can barely take this anymore. the psychiatrist i had FINALLY FOUND last month, just canceled two wks ago to say they no longer take medicaid. this after jimmy called 25-30 psychiatrist drs just to find this one who promised they took my disability. well now they dont and i am almost out of options. I did ask the primary care dr at tampa gen. last week for a recommendation. they said they would send it to my mailbox. they did and it was a huge disappointment. they simply sent a xerox copy of what I already have and have used many times to no success--- my insurance 1-800 number to find a psychiatrist- that is the number ive called so many times ive lost count and they are the reason i havent found a dr. no one knows what they are doing. they tell me a dr is covered by my ins. then when i try to make an appt with a new dr, the new dr tells me they do not accept my insurance at all and cancel me. it sucks. Anyway, leaving off on a more positive note. ....sorry to complain! We are going to Lido beach near Siesta Key Beach [in Sarasota] for a day and a half next wed/thurs. It is supposed to be one of Florida's most beautiful beach and cleanest. We will stay over nite at holiday inn, just the two of us. I've never been there and it will be nice as weve never done anything like this as a couple in our entire relationship. I hope for blossoming intimacy, connection and romance. I think sometimes you need to put aside time and do special things with your lover/partner if only to reconnect and further deepen the relationship. Yes, I am one of those people. Then thurs when we return, early evening were going to a downtown tampa hotel to see a presentation on Sandals all inclusive honeymoon pkgs as weve decided to go with Sandals and St. Lucia was recommended by his parents friends this past weekend who both said they absolutely loved their stay there at the Halcyon and recounted how beautiful, nice, clean it was. so we are considering that island but will know more - as the presentation will cover all Sandals carribean Island Resorts -- after we go to that meeting next week. :) That's about it on this end. I just thought to update on some of the recent stuff, some of it involving wedding plans. More later and more to share, I am sure...Coming soon!!!
Personally I'm not a high heel type of girl and am not known for wearing them really aside from those oxford style boots or anklet boot styles that were out several years ago. Sandals never fit right and any heel oriented shoe has to be open-toed when fancy because most of them hurt my arch, heel, and toes and cause blisters and severe discomfort. I dont have much tolerance for it but if I had to find an affordable high heel open toe sandal style with a small heel- I could push myself to actually do it. I did try one on at david's bridal that fit good and felt comfy - more so than most high heeled shoes ive worn or owned- but i think after an hour of standing in them, they would hurt, there isnt much padding or support for the arch of the foot in this style and they arent even that nice in terms of not even being designer or leather. It seemed to be made of vinyl or patent fake leather, something like that. I worry it would be expensive since its thru davids bridal and i was told I would have to dye it. I just dont have the money right now and am broke. Anyway I have been trying to figure it out in my head and really appreciate all the positive notes for the sketchers shoes. Actually 2 out of 9 readers were the only ones who felt that the shoes were not really appropriate or right for a formal wedding. And my matron of honor jenni's husband Duncan was questioning my choice saying he thought I wanted a formal wedding and I am wearing a formal style gown, it is floor length with somewhat of a mini/ small train. Well, I've thought it over and although those sketchers shoes are adorable and pretty and feminine, they may not be fancy enough or well-matched for a formal gown and wedding and I feel after much internal struggle and debating in my head- that I should go with a more formal style sandal with heel either a mule style shoe or sandal with kitten heel style or something coctail- socialite worthy in style, I suppose. And these are the reasons why: 1. it is one day and I can push myself to get thru approx 8 or so hours, give or take, with heels on. 2. the ceremony won't be long and during the reception, i can always take off the heels or change to comfy shoes for dancing. during picture worthy moments like first dance with the groom, and garter time- i can make sure the heels are on, for the photos. 3. my fiance is going all out with tuxedo and shiny patent leather black shoes. i realize if anything, i would want to wow him with fancy sexy heels of some form even if not stiletto high [lol] because it is a special day for us, a monumental step for him who has sacrificed a lot to make this sort of commitment, and his first marriage. i want this memory to last forever and to blow him away. 4. if the groom is formal down to the shoes than i should be as well. 5. we are having a formal wedding and i am an all or nothing type of person, you either do it big and all the way or you don't do it at all. i don't want a half-ass wedding or to look like i have all the most fancy and elegant of weddings with a formal couture style gown, and a swarsovski gold/diamond tiara and veil and beautiful jewelry paired with mediocre shoes that are not anywhere on the same level - i just think it would look a little too quirky for my taste although i think it would be cute. i just think overall i'd stress/worry and drive myself crazy with wondering if the informal shoe is good enough. i think in my heart i know any self doubt means its a bad idea. if i feel this uncertain than i should just return the shoes and start looking for formal. i have made an appt with anna my bridal dress consultant at david's bridal for july 19th at 1pm- for jenni and i to go bridesmaid shopping. at that appt, i can explore what they have to offer in terms of formal shoe-wear and at the worst case scenario look at dept stores and shoe stores in the mall. we have two fancy rich extravagant malls in tampa that i can troll in the next few months and anna, the salesgirl at the bridal shop told me i would not have to take my dress in until september and would not need to buy the final wedding gown shoes until i take the dress in so that buys me some time and greatly reduces my worry and anxiety which has been just draining! In all honesty, Jimmy was the one who suggested those shoes and helped me pick up the style and color - he was with me and he thought it was okay to wear with a formal dress and said he actually thought they were pretty and he liked them. He doesnt see what the big deal is about me wearing heels but I think in general its not a big deal to him or the most important and he genuinely saw the sketchers shoes i bought as "pretty" enough to pass with a formal gown and it matched perfectly. You cant see it in the picture, but there are subtle plaid design on top of shoes with thin pretty gold thread sewn in - and it compliments the dress nicely and gives it a touch that makes it look a little more glitzy and feminine. I will figure something out and for now am deciding against the sketchers, although I surely do appreciate all of your thoughts and comments/feedback on my shoes in the previous entry. I even feel really bad and guilty for changing my mind. I guess its that old fear of disappointing those who really loved the idea and the shoe style and the fear of annoying everyone or coming off as indecisive and overwhelming. I feel guilty for asking for people's opinions when I went and changed my mind in the end and am afraid people will think I wasted their time. I guess sometimes I really am a people pleaser at heart although I have overcome most of that and learned to be assertive in most situations. But there are times where guilt and shame rule me for no reason at all. Normal people would not understand but those who have been abused always know where I am coming from and exactly what I mean.
 
we went to famous footwear this past weekend which had a sale, these are the shoes i picked up by sketchers that are ivory/ light creme colored with little subtle plaid design with gold but you can't see it very well in the pix but thought it would accent the wedding dress. they are athletic shoes so the bottom is rubber soles with traction but the top is stylish and pretty with two straps over the foot kind of like ballerina shoes but more sporty. jimmy thinks it would go okay with the dress. i am worried its not formal enough but they are very comfy and pretty. i wanted to see what you thought. they were 54 dollars which would be way cheaper than any bridal dressy or high heeled shoes.
by the way-i put on the dress to see how it would look but only took two pix with the edge of the dress hem next to the shoes. i would have to bring these shoes when i get the dress altered so they could accurately hem the length altho i wouldnt want them to show much if at all when hemmed but i'm not sure how much shoes should show.
This was Jenni's reply when I sent her the above description of shoe with pix of how it would look against my bridal gown. i was happy to get positive feedback altho im still worried it won't look perfect for a formal wedding. i'm sharing my reply back to jenni which explains all the reasons why i prefer a comfy shoe as opposed to break your heels/feet sexy unfunctionable, impractical pretty shoes.
For now, here's Jenni's reply to the sketcher's shoe pix:
He, he. I am all for it, because then I could look for a different type of shoe.
Do they make them in Lavender? They are actually cute. I think it is a cute idea.
Hey, I don’t have to wear “super heals” for the wedding. How tall are you without shoes?
I thought it was 4’11”, but you seemed taller than that when I saw you.
Oh, yeah. I am back from the trip. Do you want to try and get together on the 19th?
- Jenni Hi Jenni- Im glad you like it. I actually worried all last nite and didn't sleep well, because I started second guessing myself. I think I will show it to you in person to see what you think when we get together and trust what you think as I'm sure you won't steer me wrong and have a good idea what would be acceptable in a wedding :) I do think they look prettier in person than in the photo.
I think my main worry overnite was the fact that it suddenly dawned on me that during the part where Jimmy will take my garter off and lift my wedding dress up for all to see before the garter toss, everyone will get a good look at my leg and my shoe style LOL I am worried it would look funny or tacky - like it wont be feminine or sexy - thats my main worry. and I dont want it to look tacky in the photographs that are professionally taken for our wedding either.
Honestly, What do you think?
Maybe if I looked in the mirror with the shoe on and sat on a chair, I could get an idea if it would be passable for that short ritual or not. I just dont want to look underdressed with shoes that dont look like they go with a formal wear dress.
On the otherhand, I am short but Jimmy is taller than me and I don't really care if I look short or not lol. I like being petite for the most part so that is not a big deal. to me, comfort and being able to walk without tripping and dance without foot pain is more important than sexy heels that kill your feet LOL i do not wear heels in my daily life at all, the only sort of heel i wear often is a flat platform style slide shoe that is very comfy and since its a platform- the heel is consistently raised the same level from heel to toes that way my arch of my foot doesn't ache/hurt or suffer LOL
I am feminine in my styles but could never fathom how anyone could endure high heels inc. my mom who always wears ones that look painful. I just never had the tolerance for the blisters, for my arch of my foot hurting within minutes of wearing any heels, or for my toes being enclosed and pinched. I have flat feet and they hurt more easily than other people. I also have narrow feet and cant wear any close toed shoes that are narrowly around my toes, Ive gotten ingrown toenails on my big toe in the past when it was too tight. I like sketchers because the though its close-toed, there is enough room for your toes and they aren't squished from a narrow tight shoe style. That is why I like sketchers. :)
As far as your shoes, maybe we could look at some shoestores when we get together and get an idea. I went to famous foot wear where they have a selection of sketchers shoes and several styles/colors. They didnt have lavender. only mostly black, creme/ivory, white, and other motifs. they had this cute one with eyelet embroidery that was creme with one elastic band around the top of your foot. I wanted to consider them, they were feminine cute and kind of oriental looking in a way but simple and it would have looked good with the gown. they had the same type of rubber sole/semi-sporty underneath but the top of the shoe was pretty and feminine. Maybe I can find a picture for you. I couldnt get it cos the size 6 was a little too big for me. I got a size six in the ones I bought but the style is more adjustable and fit my foot okay where the other ones were noticeable too big when I walked and were falling off or moving up at the back of my heel. Its a shame cos I think the eyelet ones were on sale for considerably less price- 49.99 dollars. Famous footwear is where I found these. Here's a picture of the one I mean: off famousfootwear.com
http://www.famousfootwear.com/product.asp?product_id=1013722&variant_id=61802Skechers. Women's Leading Lady.Item No. 61802,61803On Sale! $49.99 (was $54.99) If you didnt like those or couldnt find those, we could possibly look at a sketchers store that carries all sketchers and you would have a huge selection to choose from and would more than likely find something cute and stylish. You should prob choose the dress style before the shoe style though, right??
If you want to check out ideas, you could look at this website for sketchers which may just give u some ideas in your head to brainstorm over for the time being :)
Click here: SKECHERS Official Shoe Store - Best selling WOMEN'S shoesClick here: SKECHERS Official Shoe Store - WOMEN'S SneakersBtw, originally my other idea was to just find a basic ballerina flat in creme or something to accent my wedding gown but couldn't find any. I was looking at macy's for brands like ralph lauren, guess, calvin klein , nine west, dkny, kenneth cole, steve madden- any decent designer brands that would be under 100 but the ballerina flat seems out of season or i couldnt find any- most are in black which prob wouldnt go with a wedding dress that is so formal. My other suggestion to you is you could prob do a ballerina flat style, something basic that matches the lavender/lilac colored dress [we can get ideas by glancing at my brides mag i have currently which has idea for colors to match lavender colored dresses which is the trend now. i think it depends what accent color you go with and how u tie in all your other accessories u are wearing with the dress.
Anyway, I figured you were back from your trip which is why I hadnt written u til now. I hope it was good, how was everything? You'll have to tell me more when we get together. Let me talk to Jimmy tonite about the 19th getting together to make sure its free and clear and I will write u back either this evening or tomorrow afternoon letting you know for certain so we can get the plans rolling :))
I hope you are well!!
Love,
April
ps I was just measured by the dr office for height but I have remained the same height since my 20's and its been on all my drivers license. people seemed to doubt me when I said I am five feet but it was confirmed I am five feet when the dr last week measured me in the dr's office on one of those weight scales and it said what Ive been saying all along- 5' 0 !! I used to be 4'11- but that was back in high school. I grew a little in my twenties I guess LOL :D
(email from fiance) Hi babe,I just talked to scheduling for the Tampa General HealthPark. There wasn't much open for July, so here's the best they could do:Instead of Mon, July 14th at 2:30pm for x-rays and Fri, Aug 1st at 10:15am for lab-fasting, they were able to scheduled them both on Tue, July 15th. The x-rays are at 8:30am and the lab is at 10:15am. She said that after your x-rays, you can go down to the lab and see if they can get you in sooner so we don't have to wait too long.I think that will be better because then we only have to go there one day. You would've had to get up early on one of the days anyway, so we might as well get them both done in one shot. As for the spirometry, it is at Tampa General Hospital, which is downtown on Davis Island. She said to go to the main admission desk and give them the forms. I wasn't sure if you wanted to fit three things into one day, but I can call tomorrow to try and reschedule this for Tueday afternoon if possible. Otherwise, we probably should stick to what you have.Since your appointments are on Tuesday now, that leaves Wednesday afternoon to Thursday afternoon for a trip to Siesta Key. Checkout will probably be around noon wherever we stay, so we'll be home in plenty of time to make it to the Sandals presentation Thursday night. I'm going to look for a place tonight when I get home after I pay the rest of the bills that are due. Well, I hope all of this is OK with you. I did my best to reschedule what I could, but we're limited because the lab is fasting, x-rays are closed on Fridays, and they're pretty much full for next week at most times. I have to go to a meeting now, so we'll talk more when I get home.Love,Jimmy
july 4th is one of my least fave holidays. i absolutely hate fireworks and remember as a child how they scared me, how they were too loud and how worried i might get burned or killed by the fireworks. i remember being scared of everything and loud things like this for as long as i can remember. to this day, i dislike fireworks especially the loud 4th of july kind. thank god i saw none this year but last yr my fiance and i were at his best friends home and they [his best friend and the wife] took us to a firework show across the street at a park. i absolutely hated it and i could tell they thought it was weird that i didn't like it and my fiance didnt get it either. it seemed everytime one went off, i'd shrink ..backing up further and further away until i was several feet away from where everyone i was with was at. i couldn't wait to get out of there and when we did, i was never so relieved. i felt panic.
hearing fireworks is like hearing gun fire to me. it makes me jump. it scares me. it makes my heart race, panic ensues. i don't feel safe and i want to get out of there. i often wonder how so many young children can be so in awe and have so much fun at events like this. it is beyond me. but i guess doing adventurous fun things that most normal children and adults love is not for me. i know it is due to abuse i've been thru and a rough past. in many ways, i often feel and react skittish like a scared tiny kitten when intimidated or confronted by loud, abrupt unpredictable things.
i am definitely one of those people who hates rollercoasters and does not understand the thrill or enjoyment that people say they get out of that kind of contraption [my fiance included in this who loves rollercoasters and does not get or understand why i don't.] one reason why i hate roller coasters or scary rides is that i was forced on scary rides by my father [tilt o whirl] and uncle [roller coaster that went high in the sky, back n forth and upside down] as a young child and tricked into it and then terrified and then angered that i had been tricked and to this day people pressuring me into anything that unsettles me or causes discomfort, causes me to blow up, get extremely pissed off, and pushes me further away from doing what they want. i don't like to feel controlled, pressured or pushed into anything.
as a child i felt i had absolutely no control over my situation/choices/ and environment and now as an adult i can be rigid and stubborn on some counts due to the fact that i never want to be in that vulnerable place where i am forced, talked into something i regret, or pushed beyond my comfort zone to do things that cause me distress. i can be a bitch when pushed because i refuse to tolerate being controlled by anyone or talked into anything i disagree with or causes me discomfort. i know what i like and what i don't. i know what i need and what i don't and most of all i know what i want and what i don't want. i am not an indecisive person. things have to be on my terms otherwise i feel controlled and cornered like i was as a child.
i never forgot the two above experiences and when i tried to go on one roller coaster in junior high/middle school on a school field trip in catholic school- space mountain on disney- i nearly thought i would die. the horror and terror and anxiety/panic/fear i felt was overwhelming. ever since, ive never been able to handle any intense roller coaster or scary adrenaline inducing rides.
at this point in my life, i've had enough roller coaster rides of emotion to last a lifetime and don't need any other simulated ways of being on a "rollercoaster" i don't find it fun, thrilling, or exciting like others. i find it overwhelmingly distressing and feel its akin to torture for me. i simply cannot understand how anyone can enjoy such a feeling of tension and fear. i avoid feelings like those at all costs and would never pay for such torture LOL
i watched this entire trial on court tv now called "truTV" they changed their name - during the past two weeks i was very ill with asthma and unable to do much else. it was one of the most riveting, intriguing, and shocking of murder case trials i have ever seen and i have watched a few choice ones in the past year - some lasting several months- example: phil spector and that fertility nurse melanie or melody- what was her name? the one whose gambling husband was found body parts divided in luggage off the east coast - anyway it was a high profile case. but the one i just finished watching and was a relatively short and suspenseful- if NOT- unusual trial was the murder trial of neil entwistle's which had evidence and proof that he did so many things that pointed towards guilt that he definitely seemed guilty of what he was charged with and very bizarre, off- something not right about him. He seemed very cold, without emotion or remorse,and narcissistic/ self absorbed in court although he did not speak at ALL in the trial or in any interviews. he was silent and did not testify on the stand. simply it was neil entwistle's quiet glaring and rolling or rather blinking of eyes in utter annoyance that made him seem highly self involved and completely heartless, lacking a conscience and in turn- completely guilty. the defense [neil's attorney weinstein and stephanie page] made a plea of innocence [which i do not believe at all] and professed the murder was a suicide and that the wife had killed their baby before killing herself. i really don't think so. i would think that is more likely to happen [killing of infant and then self] with a man than a woman. i just could not imagine it and the jury could not either and all voted - guilty, murder in the first degree on two counts. for those that don't know or haven't heard of this case: simply- neil entwistle who was from england was living with his wife rachel [who was american and had met him in england.] they had moved back by her family in Massachusetts after their baby lillian [often called lily for short] was born. a week after living in their newly rented home which was over 2 thous. a month, one day out of the blue, rachel and their child who was 9 months old and a baby were found dead, shot to death in bed. a bullet thru the baby's stomach which directly entered rachel's breast and a bullet to rachel's head. neil entwistle later claimed to find the body, cover them up and not know what to do, so he fled the home, drove around, went to the airport, and flew back to england essentially running away. [it was days before concerned family of rachel's sent over police officers to search for her when she was not heard from - they later found the bodies- the police after searching the home twice i think, and not seeing the bodies which were under covers the first time. it was not realized right away that her husband neil entwistle had fled or where he was at that time. it looked very guilty that neil had fled to the UK and not reported the dead bodies let alone called 911 because he claimed "he didn't know what to do" and couldnt deal with it. he later was extradited and brought back to the US, charged with the murders and expected to stand trial. the murder occurred in january of 2006 and he had been in jail since arrested and charged up until this trial aired on court/tru-TV- channel 55 on cable. all evidence in the case pointed to neil's strange detachment to his wife and child and to his guilt. not to mention there was evidence he was searching on the computer while the dead bodies were there for jobs, flights home and escort/call girl services. well, he got what he deserved in the trial and it was a tragic and chilling/haunting case that really is incomprehensible. he got life for both and will be stuck in prison in MA now and is unable to go back to england. here is a copy of the cnn story on this the nite the guilty verdict was handed down which i had sent to my email. i like court case esp murder trials and convictions. part of it is distraction from one self but also fascination with human behavior, analyzation. and then again, its also that i enjoy seeing victims and family receive the sort of justice they rightly deserve. Click here: Entwistle guilty of murdering wife, baby - CNN.comEntwistle guilty of murdering wife, baby
Story Highlights
NEW: Family maintains his innocence; attorney plans appeal
Entwistle convicted on two charges of first-degree murder
Defense said wife killed herself and husband covered up to "protect her honor"
Prosecutors argued that Entwistle killed family because of sex life, debtsNext Article in Crime »(CNN) -- A man who fled the United States for his native England after his wife and daughter were killed was found guilty of their murders Wednesday. Neil Entwistle, 29, repeatedly closed his eyes and shook his head as the foreman read the verdict: guilty of two first-degree murder charges, possession of a firearm and possession of ammunition. The jury in Woburn, Massachusetts, deliberated for less than 12 hours before reaching the verdict. Entwistle faces up to life in prison without the possibility of parole when he is sentenced at 10 a.m. Thursday. Watch Entwistle react as the verdict is read »During the trial, prosecutors said Entwistle was in debt and dissatisfied with his sex life when he fatally shot Rachel Entwistle and 9-month old Lillian as the two snuggled in bed. "We may never know why this happened. But we do know that Rachel and Lillian Rose loved and trusted Neil Entwistle," Joseph Flaherty, a spokesman for Rachel Entwistle's family, said after the verdict. "Neil Entwistle's actions on January 20, 2006, betrayed that love and trust. Neil Entwistle will now live with his evil deeds for the rest of his natural life, only to be judged again," the family said. Watch the victims' family thank the public for its support »With the verdict, the jury rejected a defense claim that Rachel Entwistle killed Lillian and then committed suicide. Entwistle claimed that he returned the gun to his father-in-law's home 50 miles away because he wanted to preserve his wife's honor. Outside the courthouse, Entwistle's parents continued to assert their son's innocence. "Our son will now go to jail for loving, honoring and protecting his wife and Lillian," Yvonne Entwistle said, adding that she knew her daughter-in-law was "depressed." Watch Entwistle's mother assert he is innocent »Don't Miss In Depth: Trials on demandCop: Entwistle joined online swingers clubExpert: Man Googled 'how to kill'Find Law: Read the criminal complaint"We will continue to fight for our innocent son with the hope that one day, justice will prevail and that our little granddaughter Lily will rest in peace," she said. After the verdict, defense lawyer Peter Park said he was confident that an appeal would prevail on the grounds that police entered Entwistle's home illegally on two occasions. Defense lawyers did not call any witnesses. Police in Hopkinton, Massachusetts, discovered the bodies of Rachel, 27, and Lillian in the master bedroom of their home January 22, 2006, after responding to a missing persons report filed by the victims' relatives. Authorities said the two were killed two days before. See a timeline of the Entwistle case »Entwistle told police in a phone call January 23 that he found his wife and daughter dead from gunshot wounds January 20 after returning from running errands. He told authorities he could see "a gunshot wound on Lillian's body and blood around her mouth." He did not call police. Instead, he said, he got a knife to kill himself but "could not go through with it." He said he then drove to his in-laws' home to get a gun to kill himself but could not get into the home. He also told police he was unable to contact his mother-in-law, he told police. See Entwistle break down in court during testimony »Eventually, he said, he drove to Boston's Logan International Airport because he "wanted to go home to his parents in England." British police arrested him the following month. Prosecutors doubted Entwistle's story. He had not worked for four months before the murders, and the family was paying $2,700 a month for their home, leading police to believe that financial problems may have played a role in the slayings. Authorities discovered that, days before the murders, Entwistle looked at a Web site that described "how to kill people by various methods" and launched Internet searches on suicide, euthanasia and "how to kill someone with a knife," the documents said. He also searched for escort services near his home, according to search warrants, including Eye Candy Entertainment, Exotic Express and Sweet Temptations. Prosecutors said that the victims' gunshot wounds were not easily visible and that he would not have been able to see them without careful examination. Court documents show that it took investigators and forensic chemists several hours to determine that the baby had been shot and that her gunshot wound was visible only after her mother's body had been moved. After the verdict, Middlesex County District Attorney Gerry Leone condemned the defendant for "disparaging" the memory of his wife with the suicide claims. He said the verdict brought justice to Rachel and Lillian, who would have turned 3 years old this April. "She should be here walking, talking and playing, with her mom, Rachel, doting over her," Leone said. "But we all now know that's not going to happen, and that's not going to happen because of the reprehensible acts of Neil Entwistle." Asked about Entwistle's parents' comments, Leone said he would expect "nothing less" from the parents of a man who had been convicted of murder. "Frankly, our thoughts are with them too," he said. +++
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