We should always live in the dark empty sky. The sky is always the sky. Even though clouds and lightning come, the sky is not disturbed. Even if the flashing of enlightenment comes, our practice forgets all about it. Then it is ready for another enlightenment.

-Shunryu Suzuki, "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind"

i haven't written because i haven't been online due to emotional struggles with the symptoms of manic depression which seeped out during the second smashing pumpkins concert in recent weeks due to all the ingredients of a disasterous nite. i won't go fully into this only to say it stormed hard, he did not tell me we would be standing without any shelter for 20 to 30 mins in the pouring rain. he did not bring an umbrella either. i did not think to suggest it since i was unaware we'd be standing in the open sky unsheltered. 'losing my cool' would be an understatement.

i got completely soaked and stayed that way all nite. all my makeup went in my eyes that took me over an hour to apply. my hair was all over the place. my contacts got so irritated i had to take them out and wear crappy glasses all nite. there were lots of other things to make me angry and pissed off but mostly i just think when i feel socially overloaded, i can't handle it emotionally.

i felt like i was wearing a wet diaper from head to toe all nite because that is how much rain poured over me. it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the entire world. he understood why i was upset and was apologetic but he felt like i should get over it because he and every one else was. but the kind of clothing he was wearing was thicker material and did not get as wet as mine. also other people aren't finicky, high maintenance or picky. i am and he knows it. so i felt to compare me to others was ridiculous. obviously other people will do anything for a free smashing pumpkins concert. i am not in that category.

i am not a teenager or in my twenties. i am 36 yrs old. i don't have the stamina or the energy for it and honestly as a teen and young adult, i would have never gone to a concert that would mean millions of people, being outside all day, or being in any kind of nasty weather. it's just never been my personality.

i will share the smashing pumpkins pix we got from the first concert [the one that went well and was inside in a fancy music hall, NOT the hard rock cafe one. they are kind of far and blurry for most part but still interesting and worth sharing here]

i'm only regaining energy this week and starting to feel better now. i think i am getting a wisdom tooth in, and spent all week of last week plus this entire three day holiday weekend sick with mouth pain.

jimmy determined he thinks the gum at the back of my mouth is impacted, and a tooth is coming thru. i just cant afford to do anything about it. i have no credit cards or money to pay for it at all. and unless jimmy pays for it, im kind of stuck suffering.

my mom had an absessed tooth last month and so she had a prescription for penicillin antibiotics from her dentist which she knew would help me, so she filled it for me and i picked it up over the weekend. i am grateful for that.. its helped a little but i'm still feeling pain on and off and have been feverish the past several days. im constantly on advil, tylenol and excedrin it seems - for the pain.

i have lots more to say and share, but i've been so bogged down emotionally lately and just out of energy to do anything especially write online so i haven't been here in a while. i will be back to finish updating as soon as humanly possible.

floral + stress.

This entry was written prior to last weekend- on Wed. July 30th as days off are consumed by wedding planning and finding some downtime to recover from all the stress. That is why I haven't been online much friday to sunday as of late.

It is because every second of our time is filled with obligations, appts, and a wanting to just vegetate once the day is over as its been exhaustive. Add home hunting on top of all this-- and the stress is just BRUTAL. That's been frustrating and depressing too but guess what? I think Jimmy is beginning to wake up after seeing some close friends over the wkend- who just had their first baby and gave him some wise tips and advice over the weekend which back up what I have been saying to him all along (but he chose to ignore).

I WILL most definitely share a full update on the above paragraph, full detail of the house hunting dilemma and how his friends pretty much validated everything I had tried to say to him in the future. HA! Feels great to be validated and say -Told you so!!

So, here is latest wedding update which was written about a week ago!

Jimmy booked the photographer LAST Monday and put down the 535 deposit. We will be going to Citrus Park Publix floral dept on Friday and have an appt at 2pm- they do do weddings.

Note, he wrote me this last week:

Hi babe,
I just got off the phone with Randy at Celebrations and booked the photography, DJ, and music for the ceremony. I told him that we'll stop by sometime to listen to the different music selections they have. It ended up costing $1605 including tax, so I paid $535 for the deposit and the remaining balance is $1070.

I also talked to a lady at Publix (Apron's) and scheduled an appointment for the flowers at 2:00 pm on Friday. She said they normally have appointments up until 6:30 pm, but I didn't want to have to rush over there after work especially since I don't normally get home until 6:15 pm as it is and don't know if I may have to work late.

Well, I hope you got some rest. I probably won't stop by storage until I pick you up if you think your photos will be ready. Let me know if you talk to them and they still aren't ready and I'll get the book (and any others) that sold.
Love,
Jimmy





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Oh, we've put in our Wedding Invitation Order last weekend - it was over $200. [The proof came today via email and we will receive them at the end of August- we only ordered 75 invites.)
We are very behind and Jimmy has been stressed over being behind and money but I kept warning him we needed to do things and he ignored me. He likes to say he never wanted a formal wedding and I was the one- so things have been tense and I blew up over that over the weekend before last weekend.

It IS hurtful because he keeps rubbing it in my face everytime he is stressed [esp when my dad acted how he did-didn't want my mom helping us much financially with wedding. So now J feels funny around dad and seems to resent me even more because of how my dad humiliated him and it is as if he wishes he never committed to having a formal wedding becos of my dad and how he acted etc.) This is simply NOT fair to me and it has got me completely stressed out! I am caught in the middle. I can't help what my dad did and it's really not my fault. I have no control over what others say or do, regardless of blood ties. I feel like my dad has screwed up Jimmy's chance of being close to him or having a good relationship and it really upsets me inside but I can't really talk to anyone because all the ones I would talk to are involved (mom/dad jimmy)and it just seems I have been put in the middle against my will. I resent this and feel agitated/upset over the entire thing. It should not be like this.

All this makes me feel my fiance's heart isn't into this wedding planning and makes me realize that he is NOT appreciative of what a special day this will be. He has no idea that everything we are doing to make this wedding a reality IS preparing us for the real meaning of marriage and that this is an exercise on how well we work together as a couple, and gives us a tiny idea of what it is like to conquer hardships/stress/ in life as well as what its like to make plans, set goals and to compromise as a couple as we will need these skills during our marriage and future life together. This is preparation and a build up to something so meaningful and its a once in a lifetime thing, a learning experience that is beyond valuable to our future together.

His attitude has been the wrong one and hurt me lately because this should be a gift of his love to me and instead of complaining and making me feel guilty for having a wedding, he should be supporting me in this and appreciating all we're doing to make this special for him. Not to mention love IS making the other happy not thinking ONLY of yourself. Love is not selfish..but he is immature and self-absorbed. He cannot see past anything but the money aspect and how it is taking up all his precious selfish social time.

It just makes me sad and feel resentment that he doesn't care about what this means to me + has to act like an immature child throwing a tantrum and only thinking of himself. He doesn't seem to realize how special this day will be.

I feel like he is going to regret his actions when that day comes and he is moved by the ceremony and everything at the wedding. He will be sorry and I have warned him of this very thing - in a recent outburst/ fight.

Jimmy has promised to try to be more supportive but I have felt very overwhelmed and stressed, constantly upset as he is trying to cram us buying a home before Oct. 1st to make the deadline before the FHA loan expires and to move in everything before the wedding.

I think trying to find a first home and having to move in right before the wedding is a BIG mistake. I feel it is TOO stressful for me and I have tried explaining this to him. I cannot handle both moving and a wedding!!!! It IS stressful enough as it and I fear that my mental state of being will not be able to handle this much stress. I am drained with everything going on and it IS over his head. He thinks I can toughen up and get over it but I cannot.

We had a fight over this yesterday. I am resigned. He wants what he wants even if it causes me distress and doesnt want to hear how I feel or consider me. He says he will try his best to minimize stress for me in house hunting but the last several mos have been high stress and the closer it gets to him all panicked over this house loan deadline, the more frenzied and stressed everything will be. He just does not get it!! It is purely logical common sense.

He doesn't want to wait and is convinced he will NEVER be able to buy a home if he misses this Oct 1st 2008 deadline as they are doing away with FHA. I feel that is a ridiculous and irrational line of thinking and he is allowing fear to control him and it is impairing his judgement severely.

Jimmy has a good job and good credit. I've seen people on welfare get homes with tons of kids. But whatever!!!! He feels he knows more than I do. It is a waste of breath to say otherwise.

I just hope things get less stressful cos I am overwhelmed right now and my mood swings are increasing because I have no psych medication and no psych who will treat me with my insurance so I am really struggling :(

Next I am going to share some pix I copied from the white chapel website where our wedding will be held. These give an idea of how some people decorated the chapel for the ceremony and also how they chose to do the reception room.

Jimmy still needs to talk to Janice to find out the amount of chairs/tables and what color or how they look. I hope it is in a neutral color because in one of the pix the chairs were bright tropical green and that wouldnt match our wedding colors of ivory, champagne and lilac!!

Update: WELL Jimmy talked to Janice last wkend. Turns out chairs are a bright bluegreen color- so this will NOT do. Jimmy is the one who called her and talked out things while I was asleep over the past wkend. He told me that he got a recommendation from the chapel/reception coordinator [Janice] for linen seat covers for our chairs and that it was a really reasonable price so he said we will go with that, at 3.50 a chair plus they do set up for you. We are estimating approx 8 tables, give or take and I think 8 tables holds an estimate of 8 people to one table. We needed to find out that information for other various wedding planning appts such as florist and for when we start shopping at michael's for arts/crafts DIY wedding decorations and party favors since that seems to be the more affordable route to go at this point!!

Here are the picture examples in chapel + reception hall at White Chapel in Palm Harbor:

CHAPEL FLORAL ARRANGEMENT IDEAS (see examples below from past weddings there:)








(two different styles from different weddings- it appears)






RECEPTION HALL IDEAS (for floral arrangements in hall and at tables:)

(those hanging bouquets (with lights or mini chandaliers) are unique but don't know if we could do this, how expensive it might be, and J thinks it looks too complex and we should stick to simple. but I like unique. We'll see, I suppose.)



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Thinking further and more in term of the bridal party bouquets and what I want..after some net surfing and research, here are some floral bouquet trends this year that I would most consider for my own potential bouquet for this wedding.

In all honesty, I am most drawn to the second one. This is mostly because I think there will be gold in my colors based on possible accessories. It depends if i go with necklace and shoes I am thinking of. This is of uncertain yet and I am hesitant as I don't really like gold all that much in terms of jewelry- I prefer white gold or silver to yellow gold so this could change and is very up-in-the-air at the moment!

BOUQUET TRENDS

ballerina bouquet:

over the weekend-- it's a mouthful!!

We went to the Men's Wearhouse where Jimmy registered himself and the groom party, this past weekend, at westshore plaza near downtown Tampa.

Jimmy's tuxedo will be a black: a Calvin Klein 3-button classic tuxedo suit, the inner vest matching my dress, in champagne while the groom's party wearing a simple tux with a victorian lilac color vest, matching the bridesmaids dress color perfectly since they are connected to david's bridal and offer all their colors to match at the tuxedo shop.

All men in the groom party will be wearing ivory dress shirts underneath, rather than white. we've been told since my dress is champagne/ivory that to keep it from looking dingy, all clothing/main colors should be ivory rather than white which i already knew and would have never done myself but jimmy didn't know it so i'm glad the man emphasized they all had to wear ivory and should stay away from white since it would make my dress look dirty and diminish its beauty etc.

Anyway, so that's one thing we got done this past weekend, setting up the groom party with tux's and registering. This week we may concentrate on ordering the wedding invitations so we can start sending them soon and compiling addresses- we started to get addresses of his relatives this wkend when we stayed at his parents for the 4th of July.

We think we've found a good photographer/DJ pkg at Celebrations of Tampa Bay and want to either set up an appt this Friday or Saturday with my mom or get that rolling with her.

We have not found a florist and are having a hard time finding ones in the area tampa bay/clearwater area that are known and do weddings. Online the websites Ive found mostly suck and seem cheap, u cant tell how nice the flowers are at all. I'm just trying to brainstorm what florist we can go with and how to find a good one who knows how to do weddings!

I am also considering Etsy for its artsy cute creative reasonably priced handmade jewelry but dont know how reputable it is and see a million beautiful necklaces and earrings I want. Not sure what style I want in terms of jewelry other than I either want to go with silver and crystals or silver and rose quartz or silver and moonstone [some pastel color] but I dont know for certain yet. I should share some examples of styles I like on etsy.com just to give an idea of what look I want. Im going for vintage, antique, romantic, I think. Anyone know etsy.com, shop there, or know anyone who they'd recommend?? Just curious.

I spent hours and hours last nite and didnt go to bed til after seven am this morning because I got pulled into the whirlwind that is the net and sites that consume- like etsy.com LOL everyone i see, i virtually want to buy but am broke right now. that sucks.

Mostly I am worried about some of the quality of the jewelry which looks a little frail or like it might not be solid enough or good enough quality to withstand breaking. I'd hate to buy something that broke during my wedding day or even within a short period of time. Even if the prices are reasonable, if the material quality is poor and it breaks after one or a few mos, than I've wasted my money. I like my necklaces to last five years or more and my best ones do last that long but lately all jewelry seems flimsy and breakable and cheap, unless you are buying top of the line fine jewelry with platinum gold or white gold- which i cannot afford but wish i could.

Next week Jimmy is off on vacation so I've got like two dr appts [and they have made 2 or 3 other additional dr appts in the next month or two.] I hate this new dr. its like they assigned me six appts in two mos because they are so booked and everything is a hard long process. it is tampa general clinic and it is not near here, it is far away, not in a great area/neighborhood, and inconvenient with their hours open and to get there. I have in addition, another appt tomorrow, at the spirometry clinic in downtown tampa by davis island. it sucks. Its at 9am but since its far and theres a lot of traffic we have to leave by 8am. I am not a morning person. I often dont fall asleep til after six am. I wonder how I will pull this off. It sux but I'll get thru it somehow. :/

The tampa gen. clinic seems to cater mostly to homeless and welfare cases which is why it seems i have a million appts and crappy dr service. i cant wait to get married to get proper health ins. under jimmy. i can barely take this anymore. the psychiatrist i had FINALLY FOUND last month, just canceled two wks ago to say they no longer take medicaid. this after jimmy called 25-30 psychiatrist drs just to find this one who promised they took my disability. well now they dont and i am almost out of options.

I did ask the primary care dr at tampa gen. last week for a recommendation. they said they would send it to my mailbox. they did and it was a huge disappointment. they simply sent a xerox copy of what I already have and have used many times to no success--- my insurance 1-800 number to find a psychiatrist- that is the number ive called so many times ive lost count and they are the reason i havent found a dr. no one knows what they are doing. they tell me a dr is covered by my ins. then when i try to make an appt with a new dr, the new dr tells me they do not accept my insurance at all and cancel me. it sucks. Anyway, leaving off on a more positive note. ....sorry to complain!

We are going to Lido beach near Siesta Key Beach [in Sarasota] for a day and a half next wed/thurs. It is supposed to be one of Florida's most beautiful beach and cleanest. We will stay over nite at holiday inn, just the two of us. I've never been there and it will be nice as weve never done anything like this as a couple in our entire relationship. I hope for blossoming intimacy, connection and romance. I think sometimes you need to put aside time and do special things with your lover/partner if only to reconnect and further deepen the relationship. Yes, I am one of those people.

Then thurs when we return, early evening were going to a downtown tampa hotel to see a presentation on Sandals all inclusive honeymoon pkgs as weve decided to go with Sandals and St. Lucia was recommended by his parents friends this past weekend who both said they absolutely loved their stay there at the Halcyon and recounted how beautiful, nice, clean it was. so we are considering that island but will know more - as the presentation will cover all Sandals carribean Island Resorts -- after we go to that meeting next week. :)

That's about it on this end. I just thought to update on some of the recent stuff, some of it involving wedding plans. More later and more to share, I am sure...Coming soon!!!

full speed ahead-- too much coming up!!!

Life has been so busy lately. Last Friday, I had a dental intensive type cleaning and that in itself was draining. I still have to go for b/t two to four intensive scaling/rooting cleanings that will cost thousands of dollars. My fiance was not very pleased about it since I have zero money or credit to pay for any of it and he'd have to pay. So, i have to wait til after we are married to get that done and to get 2 root canals that I was told I need to get. Another few thousand. I bet after everything is done - it will cost almost ten thousand dollars. It's BS!! The only thing my insurance covers is fillings which I need three done. I have an appt for one on June 20th.

Then Saturday, we went and looked at homes and after seeing the major difference in what we can afford, it was downright mostly disappointing and depressing. I was drained after it all and had a bit of argument since I was the one stuck in the backseat with barely any air conditioning while the two of them [real estate agent yvette and jimmy] were up in front nice and cool.

I started to feel sick because it was too hot back there and we spent several hours driving, stopping and looking at About ten homes. Not once was I offered a front seat and actually every time we've looked - I have been in the backseat forgotten and it's as if I am not even really there while the two of them carry on a convo but only make minimal attempts to include me in it. I often wonder why I am there since it seems as if it is the two of them looking and me just in the background -nonexistant.

We were in Yvette's small sporty mercedes car and it was about 97 degrees in florida that day. In any case, I blew up and both of them acted like I was making a big deal of nothing or overreacting. I felt like screaming why don't you switch places and sit back here then maybe you would lose your smug attitude because you have no idea - I was dying and sweating.

I began to feel extremely nauseaus, from heat dehydration, not eating and being in there for hours and developed a mjaor migraine headache. I had a drink and some excedrin which I took in the backseat but I increasingly began to feel sick because of the heat and both of them were oblvious because they were not hot, they were nice and cool in front in fact complaining of being too cold.

By the time we got home, I had spent hrs on the couch trying to get rid of nauseaus stomach and pounding headache and drained heat exhaustion feeling. I had to take a nap for a few hrs before I could even feel better and I was upset about the whole day on the whole and irritated.

She, the realestate lady, made a sarcastic joke to me which nearly made me explode at her but I kept it in because I didn't want to attack her. She said laughing, "maybe we should switch and you can do the driving instead" She was the one driving and knows full well I don't drive so it was sarcastic. She knows I do not have a driver's license let alone do I even know how to drive. She was being rude. Most of that day was ruined by this incident.

We got pix of some of the homes but other than two, that were acceptable and nice, I was none too excited about most of it. We are putting in bids today and I will post pix another time when I know more about what is going on, if its serious, if we have a chance and when I regain my energy from that stress inducing experience. I am still drained from Saturday and emotionally zapped.

I don't want to share pix about the homes bid on until I know things are more final as I'm still irritated about the wasted time since the things I posted in the last few mos are now VOID since they were removed from our list due to being unable to afford any of them because our incompetent real estate agent ditz didn't inform us or lay out any guideline instead she took us to places out of our range. It's not because she was doing it on purpose to waste time, it is because she is a bit of a ditz and not the smartest real estate agent to be blunt. In my opinion- she is not competent or very good at her job based on our last few appts with her and its obvious to me she needs some classes to brush up on her skills and facts.

Btw she also informed us nonchalantly on saturday that the one in sand key lane [6009 street address] was taken off the market because the woman is very pregnant and about to give birth and just didn't want to have to deal with selling a home right now or anything, I guess.

Anyway, so that was our weekend. and we've got a busy week this one. I need to start cleaning right now in fact. I feel my week is going to be overly packed and hope I can handle it.

Mini idea of what is going on this week and other upcoming things that are pertinent:

-June 9th- clean apt

-June10th- Shell's seafood dinner - Shell's restaurant and the ALS foundation is holding a dinner to honor my fiance's father who is struggling and has been suffering from ALS for some time now, maybe about ten years. Most don't live as long as he has. He is lucky he is still alive but he has major problems and in my opinion has become worst. Last week he fell, you lose control of your motor skills. and Jimmy's mom had to take the dad to the ER. He got seven stitches in his head for it. I can't even imagine how hard this is for his mom and dad. It makes me feel so bad for them both.

-June 11th- we are seeing The Cure in concert wed. evening at the st. pete times forum center!!

-June 12th- driving halfway to meet my fiance's parents [about forty minutes. halfway to their home is about forty mins which is long enough to me], to pick up Gage, my fiance's 18 year old nephew who is in town for a week or two now and flew in from IL last week. We are having dinner with them at some italian restaurant and then getting him on thurs. nite. He will spend the nite. Then, Friday Jimmy is taking his nephew to possibly universal studios islands of adventures or some theme park in Orlando with rides. I'm not going cos its not my cup of tea LOL

I hate roller coasters, fast rides, scary rides. any rough rides LOL... I only like rides that are like for babies or little kids like the carousel or ferris wheel or a very basic "kid friendly" roller coaster that doesn't go to dangerously sideways or anywhere that would feel like or be "upside down." In general, any wild rides will cause my heart to race, palpitate, and cause a panic or asthma attack. The anxiety is unbearable and the way I feel on those rides, scared, dizzy, nauseaus w/ a headache afterwards will never be worth it for me to suffer thru.

Jimmy loves these rides and I think he thinks its strange I dont like amusement parks or rides. Once in the past, he had tried to get me to try some fast race car ride (at Epcot) and I felt so pressured by him that when we got up to it, I was having an anxiety and asthma attack and ran off - told him forget it - and that I would not be going on that, and as far as I was concerned, he could go by himself. I was angry cos he had been pushing me and saying even little kids and little girls were going on these rides therefore if they could, I could too. etc etc. He pretty much diminished the way I felt. Whatever. I made sure to let him know that night how unvalidated he made me feel and how wrong I felt he was. I mean, if I say something causes me anxiety, panic, and I can't breathe, then It DOES. I dont care how f***ing old I am or if a little kid can go on w/o any fear, sickness or anxiety. Just because a kid can do what I cannot do (and likes it) doesn't mean that my feelings are not real and doesn't mean I have to make myself like something I do not like. It doesn't and should not make my feelings any less credible and it certainly doesn't mean how I feel should go by unvalidated. He learned big time after this incident last year.

I get frustrated sometimes because I feel that J. doesn't easily see other people's viewpoints aside from his own. In other words if he loves a certain food that I hate, then its irrational to him why I hate it. Same goes for if I hate fast scary rides, it's hard for him to understand why - it is as if he feels that I haven't given something enough of a chance or tried hard enough. I get very frustrated and angry whenever I feel him insinuating this about anything I tell him i dislike [be it food, film, scary rides or whatever my personal tastes or dislikes in life]

Anyway, my fiance is having his nephew Gage spend the nite thursday. I hope it goes ok since he is so shy , quiet and I wouldn't know what to talk about or do. Also I am accustomed to being able to watch tv late after two am in the living room, go out there to smoke if i want or on my computer if bored or cant sleep but with him staying here, I won't be able to do any of those things and will prob be trapped in our bedroom all nite by midnite which sucks. I don't like feeling caged in my own place and since he is sleeping on our couch in the living room and its an open room, its like you can't go to the kitchen, office, patio or living room w/out disturbing the person sleeping there.

Then friday- June 13th they are going to some Orlando theme park like universal studios. I opted to stay home as it would be useless for me to go since I hate all rides. Also I hate lines, loud people in crowds and most of all I hate hot weather and standing in it for hours. That is what it will be like from what I can recall and I would much rather not have to go, so I'm not. Plus, it is expensive and not worth it to go if you aren't going to participate. I don't know when they will get home, maybe that nite and Gage will spend the nite one more nite and stay part of saturday so as I said it will be a busy week without much privacy. I dont really look forward to that aspect but hopefully it will be good.

I have a lot of dr. oriented appts upcoming and that in itself will be draining, I think. Plus, we still have so much to do with our upcoming wedding which we havent done yet [find and order invitations/ choose groomswear/ hire florist/ choose and order our wedding cake at alessi bakery/ find and contract with photographer/ choose songs we want at reception/wedding, find pianist to play bride entrance to before vows, wedding song theme down the aisle and prob something else I forgot!

I also need to hire a hairstylist at a salon for updo and wedding makeup, need to have eyebrows tweezed/waxed to shape. So much to do!! In addition..I need to find shoes and undergarments/lingerie for the strapless wedding gown so the dress will look right on me and fitted and also need alterations for the wedding gown itself.

Anyway doctor oriented appts I have in the next month are as follows below:

~June 20th filling at dentist appt

~June 27th first appt with new primary care physician doctor in tampa, need advair refill for asthma

~July 11th psychiatrist- first time appt for bipolar disorder. need refill of ativan [tranquilizer], possibly consider options for a low dose mood stabilizer such as depakote. possibly but still very hesitant.

Anyway, that is all for now. i will update as new things occur. Right now, I have some house work I have to start on before our house guest comes this week and too much to do to get ready in general LOL !

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We saw "I'm Not There" over the weekend. it was artistic in part but some of it we didn't get really because it kept mixing stories of others and seemed more fiction/fantasy based than factual. I'm not a bob dylan fan at all, in fact I dont get his music or style at all and it annoys me however my fiance loves his stuff :) Cate Blanchett was incredible as expected but she was the only part of the film that was good to me. The end part was overall confusing to both Jimmy and I. It lost us totally. the part with the little black kid and country cowboys- I didn't quite understand that part of the film or what it meant and neither did Jimmy.

We also saw "Grace Is Gone" with John Cusack. Jimmy said he thought it was good but I thought it was bland, mediocre, severely lacking more depth and substance altho I agree with him that it was sad and it made both of our eyes tear up. I just felt it was really lacking. I feel like since Jimmy idolizes john cusack, he gave it a higher rating than it deserves LOL I love john cusack too but the film would be considered a definite bomb by my standards!!

Anyway that's it for now :)