floral + stress.

This entry was written prior to last weekend- on Wed. July 30th as days off are consumed by wedding planning and finding some downtime to recover from all the stress. That is why I haven't been online much friday to sunday as of late.

It is because every second of our time is filled with obligations, appts, and a wanting to just vegetate once the day is over as its been exhaustive. Add home hunting on top of all this-- and the stress is just BRUTAL. That's been frustrating and depressing too but guess what? I think Jimmy is beginning to wake up after seeing some close friends over the wkend- who just had their first baby and gave him some wise tips and advice over the weekend which back up what I have been saying to him all along (but he chose to ignore).

I WILL most definitely share a full update on the above paragraph, full detail of the house hunting dilemma and how his friends pretty much validated everything I had tried to say to him in the future. HA! Feels great to be validated and say -Told you so!!

So, here is latest wedding update which was written about a week ago!

Jimmy booked the photographer LAST Monday and put down the 535 deposit. We will be going to Citrus Park Publix floral dept on Friday and have an appt at 2pm- they do do weddings.

Note, he wrote me this last week:

Hi babe,
I just got off the phone with Randy at Celebrations and booked the photography, DJ, and music for the ceremony. I told him that we'll stop by sometime to listen to the different music selections they have. It ended up costing $1605 including tax, so I paid $535 for the deposit and the remaining balance is $1070.

I also talked to a lady at Publix (Apron's) and scheduled an appointment for the flowers at 2:00 pm on Friday. She said they normally have appointments up until 6:30 pm, but I didn't want to have to rush over there after work especially since I don't normally get home until 6:15 pm as it is and don't know if I may have to work late.

Well, I hope you got some rest. I probably won't stop by storage until I pick you up if you think your photos will be ready. Let me know if you talk to them and they still aren't ready and I'll get the book (and any others) that sold.
Love,
Jimmy





+++

Oh, we've put in our Wedding Invitation Order last weekend - it was over $200. [The proof came today via email and we will receive them at the end of August- we only ordered 75 invites.)
We are very behind and Jimmy has been stressed over being behind and money but I kept warning him we needed to do things and he ignored me. He likes to say he never wanted a formal wedding and I was the one- so things have been tense and I blew up over that over the weekend before last weekend.

It IS hurtful because he keeps rubbing it in my face everytime he is stressed [esp when my dad acted how he did-didn't want my mom helping us much financially with wedding. So now J feels funny around dad and seems to resent me even more because of how my dad humiliated him and it is as if he wishes he never committed to having a formal wedding becos of my dad and how he acted etc.) This is simply NOT fair to me and it has got me completely stressed out! I am caught in the middle. I can't help what my dad did and it's really not my fault. I have no control over what others say or do, regardless of blood ties. I feel like my dad has screwed up Jimmy's chance of being close to him or having a good relationship and it really upsets me inside but I can't really talk to anyone because all the ones I would talk to are involved (mom/dad jimmy)and it just seems I have been put in the middle against my will. I resent this and feel agitated/upset over the entire thing. It should not be like this.

All this makes me feel my fiance's heart isn't into this wedding planning and makes me realize that he is NOT appreciative of what a special day this will be. He has no idea that everything we are doing to make this wedding a reality IS preparing us for the real meaning of marriage and that this is an exercise on how well we work together as a couple, and gives us a tiny idea of what it is like to conquer hardships/stress/ in life as well as what its like to make plans, set goals and to compromise as a couple as we will need these skills during our marriage and future life together. This is preparation and a build up to something so meaningful and its a once in a lifetime thing, a learning experience that is beyond valuable to our future together.

His attitude has been the wrong one and hurt me lately because this should be a gift of his love to me and instead of complaining and making me feel guilty for having a wedding, he should be supporting me in this and appreciating all we're doing to make this special for him. Not to mention love IS making the other happy not thinking ONLY of yourself. Love is not selfish..but he is immature and self-absorbed. He cannot see past anything but the money aspect and how it is taking up all his precious selfish social time.

It just makes me sad and feel resentment that he doesn't care about what this means to me + has to act like an immature child throwing a tantrum and only thinking of himself. He doesn't seem to realize how special this day will be.

I feel like he is going to regret his actions when that day comes and he is moved by the ceremony and everything at the wedding. He will be sorry and I have warned him of this very thing - in a recent outburst/ fight.

Jimmy has promised to try to be more supportive but I have felt very overwhelmed and stressed, constantly upset as he is trying to cram us buying a home before Oct. 1st to make the deadline before the FHA loan expires and to move in everything before the wedding.

I think trying to find a first home and having to move in right before the wedding is a BIG mistake. I feel it is TOO stressful for me and I have tried explaining this to him. I cannot handle both moving and a wedding!!!! It IS stressful enough as it and I fear that my mental state of being will not be able to handle this much stress. I am drained with everything going on and it IS over his head. He thinks I can toughen up and get over it but I cannot.

We had a fight over this yesterday. I am resigned. He wants what he wants even if it causes me distress and doesnt want to hear how I feel or consider me. He says he will try his best to minimize stress for me in house hunting but the last several mos have been high stress and the closer it gets to him all panicked over this house loan deadline, the more frenzied and stressed everything will be. He just does not get it!! It is purely logical common sense.

He doesn't want to wait and is convinced he will NEVER be able to buy a home if he misses this Oct 1st 2008 deadline as they are doing away with FHA. I feel that is a ridiculous and irrational line of thinking and he is allowing fear to control him and it is impairing his judgement severely.

Jimmy has a good job and good credit. I've seen people on welfare get homes with tons of kids. But whatever!!!! He feels he knows more than I do. It is a waste of breath to say otherwise.

I just hope things get less stressful cos I am overwhelmed right now and my mood swings are increasing because I have no psych medication and no psych who will treat me with my insurance so I am really struggling :(

Next I am going to share some pix I copied from the white chapel website where our wedding will be held. These give an idea of how some people decorated the chapel for the ceremony and also how they chose to do the reception room.

Jimmy still needs to talk to Janice to find out the amount of chairs/tables and what color or how they look. I hope it is in a neutral color because in one of the pix the chairs were bright tropical green and that wouldnt match our wedding colors of ivory, champagne and lilac!!

Update: WELL Jimmy talked to Janice last wkend. Turns out chairs are a bright bluegreen color- so this will NOT do. Jimmy is the one who called her and talked out things while I was asleep over the past wkend. He told me that he got a recommendation from the chapel/reception coordinator [Janice] for linen seat covers for our chairs and that it was a really reasonable price so he said we will go with that, at 3.50 a chair plus they do set up for you. We are estimating approx 8 tables, give or take and I think 8 tables holds an estimate of 8 people to one table. We needed to find out that information for other various wedding planning appts such as florist and for when we start shopping at michael's for arts/crafts DIY wedding decorations and party favors since that seems to be the more affordable route to go at this point!!

Here are the picture examples in chapel + reception hall at White Chapel in Palm Harbor:

CHAPEL FLORAL ARRANGEMENT IDEAS (see examples below from past weddings there:)








(two different styles from different weddings- it appears)






RECEPTION HALL IDEAS (for floral arrangements in hall and at tables:)

(those hanging bouquets (with lights or mini chandaliers) are unique but don't know if we could do this, how expensive it might be, and J thinks it looks too complex and we should stick to simple. but I like unique. We'll see, I suppose.)



+++

Thinking further and more in term of the bridal party bouquets and what I want..after some net surfing and research, here are some floral bouquet trends this year that I would most consider for my own potential bouquet for this wedding.

In all honesty, I am most drawn to the second one. This is mostly because I think there will be gold in my colors based on possible accessories. It depends if i go with necklace and shoes I am thinking of. This is of uncertain yet and I am hesitant as I don't really like gold all that much in terms of jewelry- I prefer white gold or silver to yellow gold so this could change and is very up-in-the-air at the moment!

BOUQUET TRENDS

ballerina bouquet:

(bible verse ideas for our wedding ceremony)

bible verse ideas for the ceremony readings [my mom will read either of the two suggested below but most likely is going to go with song of solomon as it is her favorite and i think it is beautiful]

#1

The Song of Songs


The Bible's Love Song

1 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's.

Opening poem

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine,
3 your anointing oils are fragrant,
your name is perfume poured out;
therefore the maidens love you.
4 Draw me after you, let us make haste.
The king has brought me into his chambers.
We will exult and rejoice in you;
we will extol your love more than wine;
rightly do they love you.

5 I am black and beautiful,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
like the tents of Kedar,
like the curtains of Solomon.
6 Do not gaze at me because I am dark,
because the sun has gazed on me.
My mother's sons were angry with me;
they made me keeper of the vineyards,
but my own vineyard I have not kept!
7 Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
&n bsp; where you pasture your flock,
where you make it lie down at noon;
for why should I be like one who is veiled
beside the flocks of your companions?

8 If you do not know,
O fairest among women,
follow the tracks of the flock,
and pasture your kids
beside the shepherds' tents.

A dialogue of mutual admiration

9 I compare you, my love,
to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots.
10 Your cheeks are comely with ornaments,
your neck with strings of jewels.
11 We will make you ornaments of gold,
studded with silver.

12 While the king was on his couch,
my nard gave forth its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a bag of myrrh
that lies between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
in the vineyards of En-gedi.

15 Ah, you are beautiful, my love;
ah, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.
16 Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
truly lovely.
Our couch is green;
17 the beams of our house are cedar,
our rafters are pine.

[Song of Solomon 2]

1 I am a rose of Sharon,
a lily of the valleys.
2 As a lily among b rambles,
so is my love among maidens.
3 As an apple tree among the trees of the wood,
so is my beloved among young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
4 He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his intention toward me was love.
5 Sustain me with raisins,
refresh me with apples;
for I am faint with love.
6 O that his left hand were under my head,
and that his right hand embraced me!
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the wild does:
do not stir up or awaken love
until it is ready!

8 The voice of my beloved!
Look, he comes,
leaping upon the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
9 My beloved is like a gazelle
or a young stag.
Look, there he stands
behind our wall,
gazing in at the windows,
looking through the lattice.
10 My beloved speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my love, my fair one,
and come away;
11 for now the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth;
the time of singing has come,
; and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree puts forth its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one,
and come away.
14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
15 Catch us the foxes,
the little foxes,
that ruin the vineyards —
for our vineyards are in blossom."

16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.
17 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on the cleft mountains.

[Song of Solomon 3]
Nighttime search for the beloved

1 Upon my bed at night
I sought him whom my soul loves;
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
2 "I will rise now and go about the city,
in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves."
I sought him, but found him20not.
3 The sentinels found me,
as they went about in the city.
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
4 Scarcely had I passed them,
when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go
until I brought him into my mother's house,
and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
5 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the wild does:
do not stir up or awaken love
until it is ready!

Solomon's wedding procession

6 What is that coming up from the wilderness,
like a column of smoke,
perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,
with all the fragrant powders of the merchant?
7 Look, it is the litter of Solomon!
Around it are sixty mighty men
of the mighty men of Israel,
8 all equipped with swords
and expert in war,
each with his sword at his thigh
because of alarms by night.
9 King Solomon made himself a palanquin
from the wood of Lebanon.
10 He made its posts of silver,
its back of gold, its seat of purple;
its interior was inlaid with love.
Daughters of Jerusalem,
11 come out.
Look, O=2 0daughters of Zion,
at King Solomon,
at the crown with which his mother crowned him
on the day of his wedding,
on the day of the gladness of his heart.

[Song of Solomon 4]
Praise of the woman's beauty

1 How beautiful you are, my love,
how very beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats,
moving down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them is bereaved.
3 Your lips are like a crimson thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in courses;
on it hang a thousand bucklers,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that feed among the lilies.
6 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will hasten to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my love;
&nbs p; there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
from the mountains of leopards.
9 You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride,
you have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How sweet is your love, my sister, my bride!
how much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
11 Your lips distill nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the scent of your garments is like the scent of Lebanon.
12 A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
a garden locked, a fountain sealed.
13 Your channel is an orchard of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits,
henna with nard,
14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all chief spices —
15 a garden fountain, a well of living water,
and flowing streams from Lebanon.

16 Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden
that its=2 0fragrance may be wafted abroad.
Let my beloved come to his garden,
and eat its choicest fruits.

[Song of Solomon 5]
The woman's search

1 I come to my garden, my sister, my bride;
I gather my myrrh with my spice,
I eat my honeycomb with my honey,
I drink my wine with my milk.

Eat, friends, drink,
and be drunk with love.

2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
Listen! my beloved is knocking.
"Open to me, my sister, my love,
my dove, my perfect one;
for my head is wet with dew,
my locks with the drops of the night."
3 I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on again?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
4 My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and was gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but did not find him;
I called him, but he gave no an swer.
7 Making their rounds in the city
the sentinels found me;
they beat me, they wounded me,
they took away my mantle,
those sentinels of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved,
tell him this:
I am faint with love.

9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
O fairest among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
that you thus adjure us?

10 My beloved is all radiant and ruddy,
distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
his locks are wavy,
black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
beside springs of water,
bathed in milk,
fitly set.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
yielding fragrance.
His lips are lilies,
distilling liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rounded gold,
set with jewels.
His body is ivory work,
encrusted with sapphires.
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
set upon bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as the cedars.
16 His speech is most sweet,
and he is altoge ther desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.

[Song of Solomon 6]
In praise of the woman's beauty

1 Where has your beloved gone,
O fairest among women?
Which way has your beloved turned,
that we may seek him with you?

2 My beloved has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to pasture his flock in the gardens,
and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.

4 You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love,
comely as Jerusalem,
terrible as an army with banners.
5 Turn away your eyes from me,
for they overwhelm me!
Your hair is like a flock of goats,
moving down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of ewes,
that have come up from the washing;
all of them bear twins,
and not one among them is bereaved.
7 Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
and maidens without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
the darling of her mother,
flawl ess to her that bore her.
The maidens saw her and called her happy;
the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.
10 "Who is this that looks forth like the dawn,
fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
terrible as an army with banners?"

11 I went down to the nut orchard,
to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I was aware, my fancy set me
in a chariot beside my prince.

Praise of the woman and her response

13 Return, return, O Shulammite!
Return, return, that we may look upon you.
Why should you look upon the Shulammite,
as upon a dance before two armies?

[Song of Solomon 7]

1 How graceful are your feet in sandals,
O queenly maiden!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
=2 0by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
overlooking Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.

6 How fair and pleasant you are,
O loved one, delectable maiden!
7 You are stately as a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its branches.
O may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your kisses like the best wine
that goes down smoothly,
gliding over lips and teeth.

10 I am my beloved's,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved,
let us go forth into the fields,
and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards,
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
and over our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.


#2

1st Corinthans 13

In Praise of Love


1 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.