trying to figure out candy favor for wedding thru trial & error.

Over the weekend, we stopped at Michael's arts + crafts prior and got some heart silver tins for the candy favors for the wedding. We have to decide where we want to get the candy by bulk soon. We looked at a candy shop in university mall but i was not that impressed and would rather go thru M & M's website or some more commercialized inexpensive brand of candy with a decent reputation that is professional and accustomed to catering towards special occasions and can be ordered in bulk.

I thought of M & M's because over the past year or more I have seen repeated commercials that they specialize in personalized m and m's for all occasions and you can choose what words will be on the candy. We could do something tied to our wedding and/or names with a catchy phrase.

I just feel like I'd rather NOT use a candy company that doesn't look that good or fresh, which is what I felt I saw at this little low-end candy shop in the mall called Davant Sweet Shop. I've never heard of this shop in my life but aside from something super expensive like Godiva, it was the only one listed in the malls located to us in close proximity and it was Jimmy's idea to check it out. I had my doubts prior to going which were confirmed when we got there.

He of course was reluctant to admit how this would not be a good choice and seemed to ignore my attempts to comment on the fact that the candy didn't look all that good and would NOT be appropriate for use in our wedding.

Who knows how long it was sitting, it appeared to be in clear bins which didn't look all that appealing and the place was teaming with kids and teens getting scoops of candy. Uhh. I don't think so!!

Later in the weekend, Jimmy admitted he didn't think the candy was all that good. Him being like a big kid himself [he is the most sweet tooth person I know and I am not so much.] got a handful of goodies for himself to try in a baggie along with a few jordan almond candies which is typically used for wedding candy favors. We also got some turtles [my fave ever] from behind the glass counter for the two of us. I thought the turtles were ok, but honestly felt the grocery store brand of DeMett's turtles that I have bought a million times for myself- it being my personal favorite- was WAY better in quality of chocolate, caramel and nuts.

Jimmy later admitted he didn't think the turtles were all that great. Funny how he defended the store when I retaliated against it at the beginning. LOL He never likes to admit when I am right and is always resistant when I shoot down something. :D

bikini kill:desensitize the mind [illusion vs real]

I never got to share this as I could barely get myself motivated to wear LET ALONE 'share' such things, LOL, but when I first got my three new bikinis from Target at the start of the summer, I tried taking self-portraits of myself in them to convince myself my body wasn't that bad.

I have this slightly weird way of thinking...

...Somehow I think if I can get used to seeing what I see myself as - fatty and sloppy then maybe I can begin to get used to my body and eventually see it as normal. Is that strange?

Let me explain, anyone who sees me or meets me in person tells me I am crazy to think I am fat but yet all I can see myself as is fat and sloppy. I want to get over that "belief" and somehow learn to feel I am okay and that being natural is being beautiful.

Is it unrealistic? LOL Maybe. But I still want to try..




[pix from earlier in summer: June/July 2008]

I still feel uncomfortable when I see these pix and it doesnt help matters much that I am makeup-less and therefore feel unattractive and SO NOT pretty LOL.

Somehow I'm hoping these pix will convince me that I'm not hopeless or really fat, and that it's all in my head. I have this weird idea that if I see the pictures enough times maybe I can become desensitized to those uncomfortable/unsettling feelings and change the way I think about myself, change the way I see myself so poorly or negatively.

Here's hoping one day I can conquer this!

I just think with the wedding approaching, I feel even more self-critical than usual and that anxiety has developed into extensive worrying over if I will be beautiful enough, thin enough, young/youthful enough to be the perfect bride for my groom. I wish I could get over the feelings that leave me feeling yucky and just stuck. It's not a good place to be in.

touch aveda salon & spa is the clear winner!

To: Jenni

Subject: we like touch salon & spa and have phone appt on saturday for more info!

Date: Thursday, August 14, 2008 2:11 AM

Hi Jenni,

I just wanted to let you know that we've called the top three salon places in the list I sent you earlier. After speaking with Michelle at Touch Salon & Spa, the one you got the flyer info for me, we felt that salon seemed to offer the best and was most attentive, seemed experienced in working with weddings whereas the other ones seemed to not offer much information.

The woman at Touch actually took the time to get some of the basics of our wedding, date of wedding and time we had to be at the chapel on wedding day and all the details such as how many bridesmaids would be there and so on. We explained to her that the bridesmaids only want updos and nothing else. It was suggested I get my hair trimmed, colored and have my brows done a week before the wedding by every salon we called so thats probably what I will do.

They do offer a trial run of makeup and updo which is what I definitely wanted for myself. I think she mentioned it costs extra but for me, its a must that I have a trial run. She said the bridesmaids didnt have to do a trial run and that most didn't but I kind of already knew that. I didn't expect you or Shannon to do that. It was me who wanted that.

Mainly I want the trial run/practice because I dont know what condition my hair is in [i have split ends] and what formal updo would look best with my hair texture and my face shape esp when I am adding a tiara and veil. I think it would be helpful to have a hairstylist who knows what might look best on me, so that is why I wanted a practice before deciding on a style and the same with my makeup- I want a chance to try the makeup colors and makeup looks before deciding on a final look for myself, but I think more than likely I will show them pictures of makeup styles that Ive worn in the past in my own personal pix because I do want to look like myself and pretty much have the makeup styled how I would do it. Mainly what Im paying for in getting the makeup done by a salon is the expert touch of someone doing it for me perfectly and with a steady hand. I just want my eyeliner put on by someone so it doesnt look crooked or all smeared because I'm not the most coordinated or good with straight lines and making my eyes look even. I have a tendency to mess up or not be able to make both eyes match each other perfectly.

And the other huge reason why I've decided to get my makeup professionally done is that I want someone who can make my skin look better, more balanced [i have very blotchy problematic skin and dry patches]. I think a makeup artist could make my skin look flawless and more balanced with the right foundation and concealer and products that I don't really own and are probably more expensive than I can afford. I don't have any good foundation/concealer or what makeup artists use and that is one of the biggest appeals to having my makeup done by a professional.

Anyway, we have arranged a time where we could talk to the woman at Touch Salon further about prices and about putting together a customized wedding pkg for me with a price quote. She would also be able to give a price quote for the bridesmaid updo's. She set up a phone consultation appt for Saturday afternoon , as she said she'd have more time to go over all the information we need to know and answer any other questions we may have as well as give an idea when we should be there on the wedding day [what time] and all other pertinent information and then if we decide to go with this salon, we'd probably have an in-person consultation appt set up in the future.

I will let you know what happens if we do decide to go with this salon. The good thing is that it's near the area you live. I think this might be the salon we choose if it isnt too expensive for us. Jimmy felt like the woman was really helpful too and attentive to our needs, willing to work with us and eager to make everyone happy. [the other salons we called seemed impersonal and less friendly] Hopefully it all works out for the best. Thanks again for suggesting it to me and sending me the information. :)

Love,

April

---

From Jenni:

That would be cool. If Shannon wants to go with them also. I am happy that they are open that day. I am cool, with going there.

The great thing is, if you like them and choose them. That it is by my house, so once we get our hair done, we can come back here and have something to eat, or whatever, and calm down before we have to head out to the church and stuff.

I assume the church/chapel has a place to get dressed, but if you wanted to get dressed here, we could do that. And, head over in the truck. Or take the dresses and get dressed there. I hope that made sense. Anyway, if we all go to the same salon, that would be convenient. Since Shannon doesn’t live here, it is probably easier for her to go wherever we go.

- Jenni

---

Secured appts with Touch Spa & salon, all details and reply to ur email!

Jenni, I did have the phone consultation with Michelle at Touch salon and spa on saturday. she didnt ask for any deposits and gave discounts for each thing i am doing and for everyone else involved so it worked out nicely and the dates are booked. Just thought I'd give you a heads up. this is what we came up with [some of this info isnt relevant for you, my appts with the salon are more involved than yours becos of being the bride but i still thought id share with you what pkg deal ive worked out for myself with them :D

so this will be it: November 15th saturday- consulation with anna about cut and color and tentative updo for wedding. will have cut, color, and brow waxing that day at 3:30pm. it will cost approx. $160 for all that i need to get done that day but she will give me twenty dollars off so it will be about 140. I feel its reasonable but its mostly because I never go to salons or treat myself to a professional cut or color ever and its been over ten yrs since I have so I feel I deserve this. also jimmy gets his hair cut every month and though its cheap where he goes, it still adds up. he spends more on his hair than i ever do. it isnt over-the-top in price because i feel i do not do anything luxurious for myself and havent in this entire relationship. jimmy felt the price was good enough and was ok with it - i think he knows its once in a lifetime and not anymore expensive than the other four salons we investigated.

November 22nd- saturday- at 3pm, I will have my trial run of the actual wedding updo where u bring your tiara to have a practice session and also do a trial on wedding day makeup. that costs $135 but she is giving me twenty dollars off on that as well so in total it will be $115 after discount. Neither of these two appts I shared with you involve you but I just thought Id share with you and give you an idea what they are charging me for being the bride and all the services that are included.

And then finally, on the wedding day, November 28th Friday - she recommends we have our appts [me the bride, you the matron of honor and shannon bridesmaid] at approx. 1pm. she says we only need about 2 to 2 and half hours to do everything and to be able to leave by 3:30pm and make it to the church by four pm.

So, anyway for a simple updo the Touch salon woman Michelle said these cost $65 [it is 105 if u get your makeup done with the Updo and she offered twenty dollars off of that price for both you and shannon BUT I told her that you and shannon didnt want that and would do your own makeup. So the price is a little less without.] She will give both you and shannon 20 dollars off the 65 charge for the Updo.

Note that we need to be at the chapel by four pm at the latest accdg to Jimmy. As far as we know the photographer recommends we are ready for photographs by 5pm, if it changes I will let you know. the photographer we hired recommended pix around 5pm because we want pix before sunset when there is still sunlight and our ceremony isnt til 6:30pm when it will be dark out already since its Fall and at the end of Nov.!

The photographer also said he will take us to the beach nearby for some scenic type pix before sunset since we both wanted something sort of romantic. I dont know if this is the main wedding party or just bride/groom. But both Jimmy and love the idea and saw some of their work where they did this in the past, their beach photography and we agree we think it would be beautiful and special so we've elected to do this.

We can discuss next time we are in person more of these details and if you want to stop at your house after the salon before the chapel, IF you think we have enough time to make it to palm harbor and all.

I plan to get dressed at the chapel as my dress is very very formal and I don't want it wrinkled or the discomfort of having to wear it during the long drive to the chapel, id just rather get dressed at the church and have you and shannon help me get the dress on as it's not a dress I can put on by myself esp the top part of it. I need someone to help lace up the back, it is intricate and fix the train and all that for me :)

Btw, when given a tour of the palm harbor chapel, we were taken to a huge room within the chapel, its either in the back or upstairs but its a huge room for the entire bridal party to get dressed with mirrors and adequate place to get ready. It looks just like a bride room and very nice. Trust me, u may want to get ready there and do all final touches in the dressing room at the church :)

Anyway this is all for now, I just wanted to get you up to date on the salon!! Hope you are great.

Love and hugs,

April

choosing the best aveda salon for my wedding. (the options)

We will be calling the salon tonite and/or tomorrow to get information and price pkgs for wedding day. All the salons I am considering only use AVEDA products/makeup and they kind of specialize in the relaxology/aromatherapy experience in a salon so ive heard it is very calming and some even give a massage as part of the service.

We are going to go with one of the five AVEDA salons below but won't know which one til we call and weigh pros/cons to pick the best one for my wedding day needs. Whichever one we choose will enable a practice trial run of makeup and updo in addition to wedding, that way I will get a chance to know what styles are good or best for my hair type and facial type/personality. It will also minimize mistakes happening on wedding day or being stuck with a style that does not suit me or look good. I am anxious over that so having a trial run makes me feel better.

The pricing is pretty reasonable and Jimmy agreed, its not too expensive considering what it is for. Some of these salons are called 'concept' salons and 'lifestyle'- lifestyle we figured out means flagship store and concept is a store that branched out of the flagship but is prob more independent from aveda and doesnt practice everything the flagship store might. I am assuming that is how it is.

So here are the main ones we are looking at with price ranges:

[note that the ones starred are the ones both jimmy and i feel have the best potential and look really good based on reviews we saw online and their websites!]

** 1- Whole Salon & Spa [concept salon]

Oldsmar, FL- 813-854-4455
Hours: M-F 9am-9pm; Sat-9am-7pm; Sun-10am-5pm

Service Menu + Prices Online:

Haircut- $25-75 [i am only getting a basic trim and my hair is one length so id hope any of these salons would charge me the lowest end of the price scale!]
Single Process Hair Color- $40-85
Wedding Package for Updo and Makeup: $190 includes trial run of bridal hairstyle UPDO / Makeup and for day of wedding! great deal/price.
Brow- approx $20


* 2- Level Salon- [lifestyle aveda salon]

by USF on Bearss Ave. in Tampa, FL 813-972-0404
Hours: open til 8pm on most days, at least on M-F; Weekend hrs may close a little earlier.

Service Menu + Prices Online:

Haircut- starting at $25
Haircolor- starting at $50
Bridal Makeup- $80 [inc. trial run and day of wedding]
Updo- Prices not listed, suggests a phonecall to find out price or any wedding pkg deals.
Brow- $15


* 3- Touch Salon & Spa [lifestyle aveda salon]
Citrus Park/West Chase area. 814-1390
Hours: ??? Not listed, must call for days/times open for business.

Service Menu + Prices Online:
Haircut-$45
Haircolor-$65
Updo-$55
Brow-$20
Bridal Makeup [don't know if it includes trial run, need trial and day of] $60
Wedding Pkgs- suggests call to find out any pkg deals


4- Rituals Salon [concept salon]

by Clearwater Mall 727-797-2800
Hours:


Service Menu + Prices Online:
Haircut-$25-50
Haircolor-$40-50
Updo-$35-50 - must find out if extra charge for bridal/tiara/veil updo and if they have pkgs that do trial run of hair/makeup and on wedding day etc.
Bridal Makeup- $40
Brow-$20

-I won't consider this salon unless it has a good wedding pkg and has experience in doing bridal and wedding events. Won't know til we call and investigate more later in wkend.


5- Dillard's Dept Sotre in Citrus Park Mall

Phone Number: 926-4545
No Information on website. Must call for hours and prices and any pkgs, and ask if they even do wedding events etc.

our wedding floral plan of action!

we had a meeting with florist at publix also. it was overwhelming and a few hr appt as everything had to be picked from scratch. we're thinking of going with [for bouquets] roses with hyperium berries with hand tied cut off stem bouquets [dont know correct wording] its still a roughdraft idea. but i think the bridesmaids will have lollipop colored roses which are similar to coral color..and mine will be ivory/creme. its just an idea that we're playing with currently.

[jimmy called the chapel/reception coordinator and we will be able to use those floating candle dishes jenni let us borrow for the reception tables in lieu of florist centerpieces for each tabletop. ]

we were thinking of going with orchid arrangements [in lt yellow, lt green and melon-reddish variations for the majority of tables/reception area but thats up in the air still.] and looking at an asian looking style plant or orchid with butterflies for main altar display or something like this. again, those are rough ideas we need to still think over before making a final decision. the florist hasnt been reserved yet but doubt we will find another place more reasonable in price. the charge isn't much to have it delivered so we may opt for that as they bring everything to the place and help set up, possibly. im not sure- so much info was thrown out that we both walked out of there stressed and exhausted!!

without the pricing of the petals used in floating dishes, the wedding table floral centerpiece, cake table or guest table floral arrangement, altar arrangements and roses along church aisles, the price is estimated at 379.00 only including bouquets, boutoinneires and corsages. it doesn't get any cheaper than that. that was close to what my first wedding cost for florals in the mid 90's and my ex and i went thru the same company twelve years ago. so you aren't going to find any cheaper than 300.

i expect it to be under or close to five hundred maybe in the four hundred range when all is said and done. ive purposely chosen cheaper flowers. lilies and stefanolis [unsure of correct name/spelling] that i was often drawn to wanting to choose go up into the hundreds and thousands for just bouquets. you'd have to be rich so i've settled for roses/orchids which are way cheaper.

below is a roughdraft of the itinerary plan we mapped out together on a computer screen with our appointed florist:

after hours of catalogue browsing and speaking with florist at citrus park publix which specializes in wedding florals, we came away with these highly possible ideas:

bridal bouquet: 9 vendella creme/ivory roses with green Hypericum berries hand tied with creme ribbon 3/4 down

matron of honor & bridesmaid bouquet: 5 lollipop roses with peach Hypericum berries

boutonnieres: groom: vendella ivory/creme rose & green Hypericum

best man, groomsmen & ushers: lollipop rose with peach Hypericum

mother of bride & groom + grandmother: cream spray roses [can choose either corsage for wrist or corsage to pin to dress]

church altar for ceremony: two potted arrangements, altar arrangement plant- asian style or orchid with butterflies in design/plant, possible unity candle flower arrangement; pew arrangements with a few roses along aisles

reception: 8 centerpieces [if 8 tables- dependent upon number of guest b/t 50 and 75 people but won't know til rsvps are received later down road: possibly floating clear glass dishes with stones, orchid petals and votive candles for each table.

the happy outcome :)

citrus park mall: wedding band shopping and our exhaustive search for our rings.

the happy outcome :)

his n' hers

HIS

MINE

1/4ct TW Diamond Milgrain Ring

The wedding band shopping was a little stressful and exhausting because we went to 5 stores and spent hours looking and trying on, asking questions and deciding what style we liked that flattered, was unique and we could envision wearing forever. We looked at Helzberg Diamonds, Gordon's, Kay's, Littman's and Jared's.

I think both of us wanted to absolutely love what the wedding bands we chose and for it to represent our personalities individually but most of all we wanted to be sure it was a ring and style we'd love to wear forever. That made the choosing process a little harder because neither Jimmy nor I wanted to make a hasty decision or regret the style we choose.

We both wanted something in white gold and something that was a bit unique but not tacky or bold. I wanted diamonds in my wedding band because I did not get a big diamond engagement ring and mine only cost 220 dollars [the engagement ring is antique / got from used estate jewelry in a jeweler store]

So, basically, Jimmy told me way back when he got the engagement ring that he would spend a little more on a wedding band since he didn't really spend much on my engagement ring and it was really inexpensive.

In looking for the perfect ring/wedding band...my other problem is that my fingers are children's size and I can't even wear the standard size that an average woman wears [generally five is the smallest] so I needed to find something that can be cut down in size without disturbing the design that would look right on petite dainty tiny fingers LOL that made it kind of harder since it limits me and I wear a size 3 and a half on my wedding ring finger currently [my engagement ring was a size 4 but had to be cut down becos that was also too big]

Anyway we ended up going with the place I actually found online a few days ago and suggested to Jimmy and it was the first place we looked at and loved the most in terms of choice to look at [a lot to choose from], reasonable pricing and financing, and good customer service/reputable company.

It was great and exciting but by the end we began to get dizzy and every ring began to look the same and it made us doubt our choices for a minute. I was sweating at one point. Anyway, in the end, we felt the first place Helzberg was the one that felt right and like the best place so that is where we made our purchase. It was a very exciting and memorable day. :)

shadowplay [they keep calling me]

in my darkest hours, i've breathed in and consumed every emotion explored in each and every song here.

it was how i felt and over the past twenty years where i've floated in and out of existence.



hear this


http://www.playlist.com/playlist/10952861707/standalone




unknown pleasures -

favorite cover art album of all time above. love the abstract and its still one of the most creative, coveted.

these two recent films have caused a heavy revival of both jimmy and i's love of Joy Divison. Both of our teenage highschool roots go back to this group.

i remember getting up everyday for school and listening to Joy Division's Substance- Best Of cassette tape in my stereo as i got ready for school. it gave me the adrenaline rush i needed and the motivation to push myself thru another day.

i was 16 years old and it was 1988.

music was one of the main things that kept me sane during a particularly oppressive time in my life where i hated school because i didnt belong and was seen as dark and strange for being new wave/goth but revelled / rebelled in that feeling at the same time. i was for the most part a nonconformist and artsy. i felt misunderstood- and very alone back then- and i just did not fit into conventional society or with any social popular clique of any kind- [i still really don't].

i felt very dark, with very little light to follow..back then.

it was a crushing time.

To the centre of the city where all roads meet - waiting for you /To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank - searching for you/Moving through the silence without motion - waiting for you/ In a room with a window in the corner I found truth/In the shadowplay, acting out your own death - knowing no more/As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor/ And with cold steel, odour on their bodies, made a move to connect/I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left/I did everything, everything I wanted to/I let them use you for their own ends/ To the centre of the city in the night - waiting for you /To the centre of the city in the night - waiting for you

-joy division

h a u n t o l o g y

on the joy divison 2007 documentary directed by grant gee

some notes i took on the music technology of joy division and indepth analyzation via interview on the categorization of their music, sound, philosophy- a particular genre and time period very specific in music- which i find fascinating and very much a style which i find myself drawn to - time and time again.

Derrida [french philosopher]

Joy Division- seemed of spectral quality / dead but alive, something that's there and yet its not there.

"Hauntology" - different take of post-modernism, and symbolic of technology- that "it has turned us all into ghosts"

The Persistence of Past in the Present

Ghosts

Joy Division--- haunted by themselves.

*in some sense, a belief that- or philosophy that recording media is turning into dateable object and killing you [us].

small article on above documentary- what to expect from it:

Joy Division: A Film by Grant Gee

Iann Robinson takes a look at the Joy Division documentary.

CraveOnline

June 30, 2008

Joy Division has become much more than a band in the nearly three decades since singer Ian Curtis killed himself. Perhaps it’s due to the rebellious romanticism attached to Curtis taking his own life just days before the band was to hit America and “make it big.” It could be the almost otherworldly air that Curtis had with his stage presence, voice and lyrics. It might just be that Joy Division wrote damn good songs. Whatever it is, Joy Division has been lifted from a group of guys to an idea, a myth, and an institution. Though the remaining members went on to form New Order, one of the most influential pop bands in the world, it is still Joy Division that the world dotes on.

Since having achieved this mythical stature, it becomes hard to remember that Joy Division were simply four guys from Manchester England who had incredible chemistry together. Part of what makes this new documentary from The Miriam Collection titled simply “Joy Division” so wonderful is that it humanizes the band again.

This is a very even handed documentary that has successfully removed any hero-worship and instead focuses on the actual story of Joy Division, breaking down the whole into four separate parts or members. Of course the ghost of Ian Curtis weighs heavy on the film but it doesn’t consume it. None of the participants is maudlin or morose; in fact they seem to be celebrating the joy of the times they were in and their shared creativity as opposed to trying to pontificate on why the genius of Ian Curtis finally consumed him.

Director Grant Gee has no problem letting the film unfold slowly, giving it room to breathe and create an atmosphere that rivals Joy Division’s music. First Gee sets the scene with Manchester in the seventies, the sound, and the clubs, how the music brought some life back into it. From there we learn the origins of Joy Division through stories from surviving members Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Stephen Morris. The best part is that the stories aren’t these brooding melancholy gothic overtures but rather simple stories about four guys hanging out and trying to make original music.

It’s so cool to hear snippets of the more straight punk sounding work they did under their original name of Warsaw and to hear the band joke about how bad those songs were. The three surviving members are really interesting to watch, especially the odd split in their attitudes towards life. Sumner is serious and contemplative, Hook is boisterous and funny while Morris is an even-handed combination of his two peers. The combination of those personalities makes the telling of the band’s history so fascinating you can’t help but stay riveted through the entire thing.

Helping to round out this story are interviews with Tony Wilson (creator of Factory Records) as well as album cover designer Peter Saville, Joy Division biographer Paul Morley and a long overdue interview with Ian Curtis’s girlfriend Annik Honore. Conspicuously missing from this film is Deborah Curtis, Ian’s estranged wife though her presence is well represented through quotes layered throughout the movie. Gee has managed to tie in all the aspects of the band’s short existence from their music, to Curtis’s battle with epilepsy, and all the other triumphs and tragedies that made the band what it was. The film goes from funny to poignant when it needs to and never seems forced or heavy handed. Nobody involved in this movie is out to exploit the death of Ian Curtis, nor further the mythical image of Joy Division, if anything this film was made to break all of that down and destroy it.

Acting as the backdrop for this tale is the actual imagery of the film, which is beautiful and seamless. Gee doesn’t just splice together the various scenes, he weaves them together into a beautiful tapestry. It’s obvious that this movie was made by and for people who love Joy Division and for those of us who understand that their importance comes from who they were not from what people have made them out to be. Joy Division is clearly going to become the definitive look back at one of the greatest bands in the history of music.

---

joy divsion's name was created and derived from a book and has its roots in german history. it was actually a term for the german brothel's. in the over 20 yrs i had known them, this was foreign and strange to me if not slightly disturbing, as the context of the name seems largely misogynistic but i do not know if there was really any relevance behind the name and their philosophy of music. probably not. this name was also not their first name. prior to being joy divison, they were for a short time, the stiff kittens and then warsaw.

further information of above off website:

The name change to Joy Division in 1977 [because a punk band called 'Warsaw Pakt' existed already] was inspired by the World War II novel, Karol Cetinsky's "The House of Dolls". [In her book, the term "joy division" is used as slang for concentration camps where female inmates were forced to prostitute themselves for the Nazi soldiers].



The Joy Division was the corps of young women kept in the camp for the pleasure of Nazi officers on leave. Partly due to the name, Joy Division (and later New Order) often had problems with Nazi accusations spreading around in the press. These both puzzled and angered the band, and they did not wish to dignify them with a reply. Far from containing Nazi propaganda, their lyrics preach quite the contrary message. Many other punk bands used much more direct Nazi symbolism with much less press comment.

---

this documentary and the other bio-pic film "control" have truly put me in a very nostalgic state of my mind but then again i am always going back to the past so i guess it doesn't really take much.

whatever the case, anton corbijn's film about ian curtis heading joy division titled control was simply amazing, and the best replication of the band's story and history that i have ever seen have .

the british actor sam riley who portrayed the lead singer - ian curtis - of joy division did a tremendous job and was a worthy tribute to such a monumental band who represents an era of music i am particularly enamored with. he would have made ian proud, i think. i believe the actors in this film sang all the songs - it sounded and looked just like joy division. samantha morton, a great british actress known for independent film roles co-starred as well.

we loved 'control' so much we bought the control DVD for our collection last month at best buy.

below is a review i cut out from my fashion mag last year, scanned from my computer and uploaded on the net:

not wise to buy home now- (letter to jimmy)

Hi sweetie- Its important that you read this now. so I am sending it. Please read this today if you can fit it in, before things get busy or during a short break. This is highly important to me and with the stress we've been under lately- it is likely to continue to rise or build into higher tension if not resolved and that is why sharing this with you now is vital and it would be detrimental to everything including our health, to not tackle it now.

Its nothing to worry about - rest assured, as it isn't anything we havent spoken of and seems to be a continuous source of tension b/t us so its nothing bad or shocking and nothing to fear but it is a touchy thing and it is too pressing for me not to address right now. Since its one of those things I can only approach via email to avoid adding further fire to the flame, I feel it best to share/express myself to you via email. It just feels safer that way and I dont want to keep piling stress upon stress on you. I know it seems like I am right now but it's not my true intention. My true intention is resolve and cohesiveness in our relationship, minus the tension/stress as of late. So, its vital there be open communication to talk and that you truly hear me now. Some things I feel shut out on and there are times where email seems only appropriate. This is one of those.

So to preface things, I will explain:

I got this note from my favorite/friend diarist C., she asked I give you some wise advice and tell you she said it, so I chose to share with you the gist of the entry I wrote yesterday before you got home from work and now her following comments and feedback that I saw just recently. I think she knows what she is talking about and I also believe she means well and is trying to be helpful to you and I.

I also think her note makes me see how important it is that you hear how I feel in this entry and what I think because what I think or feel should be important and worth something to you, even if you do not agree in the slightest of anything I said. Most especially because it is causing me great stress and because if you love me, you would want to know and hear how I feel, to take that into consideration.

Please read this carefully and think about it, deeply and please think about C.'s wise advice. Its exactly how I feel - maybe you need to hear it from someone only ten years older than us who has had more than one home in her life and knows what it is like firsthand and isnt someone close to you or connected or pushing you to buy a home now. It's important you understand that she isn't attacking you - nor am I- but I think in a roundabout way she wants the best for you because she cares about me and knows the choices you make in this circumstance will all-around affect me, too.

By the way - the following journal entry was written yesterday afternoon before we even spoke or mentioned Yvette had written you. It is important that you know that. This was not written tonite or just now. It took me hours to write what Ive chosen to share with you and Ive summarized this to be to the point for you and concise/clear. I do not feel its malicious or meant to attack/hurt or anger you, and that is not my intention in sharing this, so I strongly want to emphasize that you not take how I feel the wrong way - please try to listen to what I am really saying in this without jumping to conclusions or negative assumptions.

I will feel anxiety over this because I don't want to upset you or cause you any negative emotion. It will worry me until I hear some reply or reassurance and you talk to me more on this. Please do at some point today.

I love you so deeply and hope you can just separate yourself enough for one minute to understand where I come from and put things into true perspective with out feeling hurt or on the defensive or even angry again, at me. Please try to hear what is truly at the heart of all that I am saying. Thank you in advance for your patience and again I apologize for the way I have caused you such stress in recent days.

I am aware that there is much going on and much to be stressed over in many areas of your life especially in this wedding preparation, that is why sharing what I wrote below is vital.

To minimize stress for both you and I, I need you to listen to what I am saying and hear this, heed it, because adding more stress to the mix is definitely the last thing we need so let's find a way that we can work together productively and find a happy medium please.

Please be gentle in your reaction and reply to this. I don't think my heart/mind/body can handle another day of arguing or crying. Please, my hormones are off balance w/ my period and I am sensitive, tired, stressed, drained and I just feel emotionally taxxed right now. I feel runned down and not at my best emotional state so please be gentle, its all I ask.

I love you-

April

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the stress + strain of house-hunting 7.28.08 [Monday]

A home is an investment and if we can't see ourselves there down the road ten yrs plus, we should not make that committment or investment. It is a huge [life-altering] decision that you can't just correct if you make the wrong choice, you are stuck.

I do not want our final home choice to be the result of pressurized selling or the home of our nitemares simply because we settled feeling desperation to pick anything just to get a home period.

I am not desperate and refuse to settle. I believe that anything good is worth the wait. I also believe in making a decision that I can commit to for a lifetime and not being rash when it comes to choosing a home and buying one.

I refuse to settle because if nothing is coming our way OR prices raise or it's NOT meant to be right now, then I am content to accept that. I would much rather wait until the time is right and have a home I love than end up with a dump I settled for just because we made decisions based on fear and desperation. But Jimmy thinks differently. He wants a home right away and he thinks in the negative, that he will never be able to afford a home if he doesn't buy now. I have to disagree. He has a high enough income that he can afford a home and will one day and he has pristine credit.

There is no reason why down the road he couldn't ever buy a home but he is so restless, anxious, antsy to buy a home before the market changes and prices raise that he has lost sight of his prior ambitions to find a dream home that is affordable which we both love and is almost ready to settle for homes I couldnt even see him ever wanting to live in if it were an apt we were renting. its just his ideals have gone down the drain due to desperation and FEAR of never owning a home.

I feel that he lacks trust in himself and the future and I don't know how to instill some faith and hope which I do have. I would ask why but I'm afraid to because he never reacts well to confrontation and seems to always become defensive, closing up, whenever I want to talk. He would only deny this and downplay what I sense and feel and dismiss it as if it were not true if I said my true thoughts right now.

I've tried to make him see and I think its opened his mind a lot as he even wrote Yvette a lengthy letter explaining we wanted a break and didn't want to settle for just any home [all the things I told him I felt recently] and that he had decided he'd gotten lost in the excitement of it all and lost sight of what was important to him and ourselves so he wanted to re-evaluate his choices and start over from scratch, stick to his ideals and not settle even if we have to wait til something pops up that we can afford. I think he finally realizes and agrees with me that it's better to wait than to regret, in the long run.

Unfortunately Yvette's reply to him was short and impersonal/unfriendly, abrupt. I don't think she is happy about the decision and she has never wrote anything saying she understands where we are coming from or supporting our decision. I fear this non-reaction will cause him to cave and re-nig on his decision, the one we made together and my anxiety is building with worry over this.

He even expressed his regret in wasting her time and apologized in two different emails saying he felt awkward with her and hoped she understood. He showed me her replies and none of them acknowledged his apology or her giving us any understanding. I don't feel she is truly genuine or wants the best outcome for us. I believe it is only the promise of a sale and cash that counts to her. She may no longer want to work with us but if she does, I think it is only money/sale- motivated.

I really do not want to work with her anymore after some of her actions/behaviors in all this and she has hit a nerve on more than one occasion with me coming off catty and snarky in an effort to get a rise out of me. She's hardly organized, professional or competent at her job and frankly I am at the end of my rope with her and sick of having to deal with the likes of her .

Jimmy on the other hand thinks he will ask her in the future to show us more houses again once we take a break. He acknowledges he senses the same discomfort in her replies or lack of acknowledgement or hurt and seems to think she will get over it and seems completely oblivious to the fact that his decision was taken very personally by her, in my opinion, and the fact that he has in a sense damaged the business relationship and I would not be surprised if she thinks I am behind this and feels hostility towards me. I have never felt that she genuinely likes me as a person, anyway.

She is NEVER going to be comfortable now even if time passes and she lets it go. I feel it's time to move on and find someone else especially someone who is not connected to his best friend. I feel choosing someone with a connection was a big mistake. This whole time I've felt his eagerness to do what she says, no matter how rash and irresponsible and hasty, has been effected by the fact that she is his best friend's sister-in-law. It is almost as if he feels obligated to impress her or he feels he has to impress her and give her a good sale. I do not want to buy our first home with someone he is out to impress or consumed by the fear of disappointing her just because she is connected to his personal life. That is how mistakes and bad choices occur. I feel and believe it was a HUGE mistake to go with her because if it doesn't work out or he makes a bad choice, he is going to have to see her in the future outside of the business relationship because its his best friend's relative.

I can't force him to do-away with Yvette because of his loyalty to her which seems quite wrongly misplaced due to the fact that she is his best friend's sis in law and he feels pressured to not disappoint and does not want to go outside of his 'comfort zone' to find another simply because its too much work for him so he will settle for this.

I am a person who has a real dislike of people who "kiss-up" or put on a facade just to make someone else like or respect them just because they are afraid to be themselves. The truth is I can't and I won't tell him what to do but I will not keep quiet about the fact that I do not like Yvette and do not wish to continue with her and that if he does, he can expect more future outbursts/arguments in front of her from me if provoked by her w/ sarcastic/catty remarks because my patience is wearing thin and my level of tolerance is growing weak. She has already seen me blow up in controlled ways a few times and I was sarcastic and snappy towards or indirectly irritated at her and it showed - it was subtle but anyone could feel the sense of tension spilling over in the air.

When Jimmy did tell me he wrote Yvette a lengthy letter about us making a decision to take a break from house hunting and pull homes we had bidded on that week and cancel them based on realizing we were settling and making bad decisions and needed to re-evaluate our priorites etc, I felt SO relieved. These were all the things I have been saying for months now and had argued over with him.

It moved me to know that he finally listened to what I was saying and on his own and had come to the realization that I was right and that he was being very hasty. I feel that him waking up has helped lessen some of the tension that got kicked up in our relationship..HOWEVER his mother has already expressed extreme disapproval this past weekend, and it sounded like from what I could see [he was on the phone with her], that she was unhappy and critical of his decision and was encouraging him to rush in finding a home and to settle before prices go up, rather than waiting for the right home. I heard him explaining and reasoning with her and defending our decision however I could tell his mother was discounting what he thought best for us and planting doubt in his and our decision together. After this talk, Jimmy seemed anxious over getting a home prior to our wedding in november this fall, all over again, AFTER we had spoken of taking a step back and going slower with this only days before.

I don't know what is in his head today. He is going back 'n' forth between rational logic and impulsiveness to find a home before the market changes. I feel he is being influenced back to his previous thoughts prior to deciding to take a break - all because of the way his mother was pushing him to find one and not take a break this past Saturday and I am aggravated as hell that she has gotten him all stressed out again making him feel as though he will never find or afford a home in his lifetime and that she has undone, unravelled the decision we had made together, only days ago, to take a break and reevaluate everything, change our game plan and so on. I am frustrated with it all and don't even know what we are doing now. He is so all over the place and indecisive about being decisive that I am confused/lost and it is causing me more stress than I can handle right now.

I mentioned recently that he probably felt desperate to buy a home because of his mother's constant calls everytime she knows that we are going to look at homes to see if we found one yet or if we have bid on it...And then when we haven't found anything, lecturing him he's got to hurry and buy a home. He totally denied this when I mentioned this gently last week but then my point was proven when his mother called and he said his decision this past wkend and she kept him on the phone for longer than usual just to lecture him about how she disagreed with him waiting etc.

I didn't hear her exact words but I was sitting next to him the entire time and I saw his face, his reaction and you could tell, that she was pushing him and pressuring him and making him doubt himself and I could tell after that convo - that it affected him because we've looked at more online homes after this to add to check out in the near future AND he made statements a few times after making the decision to cool things off that sound like he is getting desperate again and I sense that he is ready and ripe to contradict his and my decision.

In fact, I have the distinct feeling he will talk to yvette via email - if not today- sometime this week- and I think he will, without telling me, try to fix things in order to make near future plans. I feel anxious over this and think he will not voluntarily tell me about it or will ease it in light hearted conversation very soon just to prepare for a soon-to-be outing with her and act like we never made the decision we just did.

I sense that the resolve he and I decided on, is slowing slipping away and disintegrating and that he is going to retract all that he had said about taking a break because we have so much to do with planning the wedding and all and it is quite stressful.

The way I feel is : the wedding + impending marriage ARE top priority, therefore making sure everything is together for our day should come first!! We committed to this date way before we even started looking for homes and that should be our primary focus.

Planning a wedding causes extreme stress for most and he has been recently expressing this, and so, to top it off with trying to find a home before the wedding makes absolutely NO sense and is asking for it.

Things are stressful enough and even he is coming undone over the stressors of putting a formal wedding together and it really bears no logic to try to add more stress to your life by doing the second most stressful thing in the average couples' life- buying a first home.

I am not certain my mental state can handle that much stress and strain. it is just too much for me and i feel it is causing enough distress in the relationship to cause damage. i just feel the timing is all wrong.

There is no emergency, no rush to find a home before our wedding, but I can't convince him otherwise and he doesn't see the affect it is having on everything. It is like asking for suicide to add that to the mix and his idea originally was to get a home and move in, a month before the wedding. That is f***in' crazy and makes absolutely NO SENSE at all.

I can be a person who lacks common sense in areas that involve emotion and scary decision-making HOWEVER in this situation, I feel we have switched roles . He is the person I typically am and I am the logical one this time. It baffles me because he is very grounded, a logically oriented person, stable. J. does not jump to conclusions, make hasty choices, do things he regrets. Normally, he is slow, safe, cautious, guarded - slow to take big steps and make decisions, perfectionist about what he buys or chooses [must be flawless] so when I think of all this and I have told him this, I am completely confused as to why he has not been this way in the arena of choosing a home/buying our first home together.

I feel that my fiance is a successful person in many facets of his life and has wonderful potential for more success in his future however I feel that his parents high expectations/attitudes push him too hard and this truly blocks him and is a source of inner confliction and self-doubt. It makes me both sad and angry and also frustrated that I cannot do anything and I am helpless to make him see this without offending him.

I am dizzy with the whole thing. Things change so much. One minute you're told you have a good chance or are within the right price range then the next minute you're told 'oh sorry someone else already has a contract, outbid you, or you were not in the right price range.' We've had so many of this lately that all the homes are beginning to blend together and I can't keep up on it all. I feel utterly drained, burned out over it all.

It has been a whirlwind of homes, overkill of looking and being told to bid on what we can lay our hands on [according to Yvette which I thought unwise-] ..WHY bid on things you don't love as backup? Why not focus on only what you love and what you would settle for as the best? I had been telling this to Jimmy for a while now. It finally dawned on him and in his letter to Yvette late last week he did state this.

I fear he will regress though because her lack of acknowledgement and lack of attempt to reply to what he said to her or accept his apology may cause someone like him to fold and give in, and because he has a need to please/impress others to be liked. I can already envision him writing her out of the blue like nothing happened and suggesting to look at his next set of homes.

I hope he does not do that. It would look very flighty, wishy washy, and I would resent it after all we talked over and how I helped him compile his letter to her and took the time to discuss the situation with him, listened to him, and made a joint decision together. IF he were to turn around and change everything we talked out and decided days ago, I would feel very disappointed and unsettled..not to mention pissed.

When you make a decision together, you stick together. Not to mention the fact that he wrote two very decisive and to the point emails to Yvette stating clearly his decision and my approval of that decision to take a break, go slower, and do things entirely differently. And so if he were to start planning outings right away again, it would seem like he never meant what he wrote and it would come off as desperation and lacking ability to stick with what he had said when we had clearly made a decision and took the time to write out his feelings to her.

Her unacknowledgement of what he had written about our decision/apology clearly is her way of not putting any weight into what he said, knowing that that is the best tactic to get him to start talking again about our next planned meeting.

I fear he is not going to stick to that decision we made and that I cannot handle the stress that will follow and ensue. There are too many other important things going on that involve a heavy amount of stress like finalizing all details of our wedding and this added to it, causes deep confliction, anxiety, and is distressful to my mental state of being. I do not want to go backwards from this!! but that is what i sense is going to happen. I don't know what to do :/

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Thank you for listening and I think you should think about what I've expressed. Please do not take it personally or think that I am trying to attack you. The whole situation is going to cause me to crack mentally and my mind can only handle so much stress. Be mindful of this. Please.

You stated to Yvette via email and right in front of me that we were taking a break and I agreed and told you I felt it necessary and essential and even if you have changed your mind at this moment [within days, it is not even a week since you wrote her], it would be unfair to yank me back into that gruelling process of doing what we were doing prior when it is so obvious I am in great need of a break right now, emotionally and mentally. It is too much. Please heed my warning. I do not want a mental breakdown before our wedding .

Here are C's notes. Please know that I believe in my heart that she has good intentions and that she truly just wants the best for both and is looking out for your and my future. She does like you and always compliments you when I write so it's not like she looks down on you. Anyway here are her notes:

I would recommend that he not tell his family at all the next time you look for a home. When we were considering building we never mentioned it to Freds' family because they would just harp on him. People who harp on other people are controlling. They are NOT looking out for someone's own good and that "need to impress" is why so many people are in foreclosure right now. All Jimmy has to do is read the paper. Does he really want to have to turn around and lose his home and his credit?

Yikes! Sorry. I don't mean to be inciting you against him if you're already having hard feelings, but Jeeze Louise! Tell Jimmy I said it's a very wise decision, that people overextend themselves and that if you wait for your dream house, you'll both walk in and go, this is it! But if you buy a house because you feel you have to, you'll be settling! *hugs*

You definitely need to be included on decisions. Maybe you can just sit on this stuff for six months. It's never a good idea to be trying to do too many things at once. In this world where everything is so stressful, it doesn't make sense to invite more! [C.] [p]

up-do ideas + wedding stressors. i will survive!

a few updo's i like- my main faves for myself are the first two.

the third one is the color hair i'd like to dye mine!

#1

Natural Updo

Natural waves are highlighted in this modern updo that looks effortless and sophisticated.

#2 Classic Wavy Updo

#3 French Twist With Flowers

#4 Updo With Dramatic Appeal

Ideal for a celebrity-loving bride -- this updo has a dramatic, eye-catching quality and great style.

See more Updos


I shared this with my matron of honor and she replied in email that she liked the 1^st and 3^rd hairstyles best.

And then I wrote Matron of Honor the following below in reference to her email and other current events this week:

Hi,

After you left on Saturday, a few hours later we went to Michael's over here which had most of the same stuff and looked almost bigger than the aisle we were in for wedding stuff. He really liked all that stuff and definitely thought it was worth it. He said we'll go back there and get some stuff when he has money- I assume in the near future.

Jimmy wrote me this morning saying he got tix for his fave band of all time. The Smashing Pumpkins are coming to Ruth Eckerd Hall in August so we got tix to it :) I told him that was cool but hoped he had money for all the wedding stuff we still have to do since he's complained about not having enough money for that and for buying a home. and he had said he was trying NOT to buy anymore concert tix until after our wedding + honeymoon.

So I just sent an email to him hinting some of the main things we need to do/focus on, get accomplished. I don't mean to be nagging and wouldnt care about the concert so much if I saw him actually setting down goals to do the things we need done, most of which I cannot do alone since it involves both of us being at the appt and him paying for the things that my parents are not paying for financially.

We have several big things that are not even reserved yet or found and we are months behind in what would be expected at this point in any bridal/wedding magazine or website and it's anxiety provoking and overwhelming/stressful to me. Hopefully we tackle this stuff this wkend.

Well he just wrote me back and said he knew I was right and it was stressful to him but he knew I was right and we'd work on accomplishing what we can by the end of this weekend. He said he'd call me at 1pm and he called me 'sweet pea' which he never does so I guess he was trying to be reassuring and sweet to me to relieve my anxiety which was really nice. I'm glad he didn't take what I wrote the wrong way. I know in email it can come out sounding all wrong or critical!

We may have to go to the famous footwear in citrus park either tonite or tomorrow nite cos I exchanged my sketchers shoes for these comfy black leather Clarks shoes there and they didnt have my size so I ordered it before we went to Sarasota and its been in for about a week now!

Have u seen the Dark Knight or is that your type of film???? I sense it would be. Jimmy really wants to see it. I am not a batman fan at all to be honest and I recently saw that Batman Begins via netflix with Jimmy to see if maybe I'd like it prior to the release of dark knight hoping I might like it but the truth is that it was as boring as I remember when my dad watched it and I ended up leaving the room back then. This time around I was bored to tears and had to force myself to not fall asleep because I found it so boring and slow moving.

Christian Bale is one of those actors I just don't like for some reason. every film Ive seen him in, I was bored by the film and him and I don't get the attraction to him either but a lot of people seem to like him.

I guess Jimmy really wants to also see Heath Ledger's joker role but I am just not into the whole batman/superheroe story anyway and find it tacky. and Heath was an okay actor. I didnt love any of the films I saw him in, honestly .......although I'm sure he was a fine actor. The whole "dark knight" thing just seems overhyped to me, all becos of heath's death or accidental suicide. And really I could care less about the film or the joker, be it Heath or not.

Anyway, Jimmy has asked his friend Tony if he will go with him so he might see that soon this wk or wkend with him. Hopefully Tony will go with him as he always backs out on any plan Jimmy tries to make with him and is so flighty that I feel bad for Jimmy since he is his past childhood friend + they were roommates for yrs when they both first moved here from the midwest. I know it hurts him that T. doesnt place him as a top priority of his life and I keep telling him people change and grow apart esp when they marry and are thinking of having a family/kids. Anyway I opted to not go as I think I'd be bored having to sit thru the movie for 2 hrs and he prob needs some guy/buddy time. LOL But if T. flakes on him, I will be his movie partner as I feel bad and he doesnt like going to things alone. Poor guy :( So, I was just curious if you saw it yet as I imagine you might be a fan and thought I could pass on if you thought it was good or not, if you saw it, to Jimmy :)

Anyway, I hope you are well today.

Love,
Me

I wrote the following to Jimmy after he emailed me he excitedly got the almost last tix to smashing pumpkins at a fancy art/orchestra hall in clearwater before they sold out. I'd say it irritated me a bit but i tried my best to bite the tongue and be gracious. I wrote this below and his reply is as follows afterwards:

Jimmy,

That's cool sweetie :) I know how much you've wanted to see them in the past year or so, so I'm happy for you. I'm also really pleased its an indoor venue and a nice classy one at that which isn't too high up like the other stadium places [tool, the cure] that tend to make me sick/dizzy/claustrophobic and panicked. I'm glad it will be a pleasant experience since that is a really nice and relaxing venue. I don't really want a repeat of the cure concert as that was distressful for me. Anyway, hopefully it was not too expensive because we still need to get a lot of things for our wedding and honeymoon including wedding bands and such which we need to begin looking around for soon.

Here are the things most on my mind that overwhelm and I feel need to be attempted and completed for our wedding to be a successful event and for us to be right on track...I will map it out below..

Right now we are way behind schedule by a few mos. We need to get most of the things I am listing within the next few wks, seriously, we are way behind by any book, website or person on wedding planning and the timeline. We have to get back on track and get these things done below and I am not saying all of it in here because there is more we should be doing than this and its too overwhelming to focus on it all for me right now plus the ones I mention here are the ones I am most worried over and until I get those done, I cannot focus on all the other details we have overlooked that need to be done for our wedding in the next two or so months.

We need to get a timeline and goal list down this week and tackle half or more of the things by this weekend. Please read carefully and take mental notes as it's very important to me and I want an organized classy wedding. Call me or write today when you have time. If you don't have time, lunchtime would be a good time to call me for a few minutes as I am sure you have an hour break and enough time to make a call to me. I'd feel less stressed if we could tackle all of these head on or at least part of them. Please help me with these as I feel a lot of these are things we need to be doing together on both of our time together. Thanks for listening ahead of time and I appreciate your patience on this matter :)

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I'd like to find out about making an appt with the photographer/dj this week [can you call?], and during the weekend can we start looking at jeweler's or finer stores for wedding bands so we can get an idea what we want and what it will cost?

I'd also like to get our wedding invitation order in by this wkend as I really wanted it done by last wkend.

The other thing is we should set up an appt with Stephanie, the Sandals travel agent, so we can get an idea and have a plan as I was excited to hear from her about all the pkg deals and all. Here is her number if you need it so we can call for an appt. ***-***-****.

We also need to do research on what I need to do in terms of getting a passport and what we need to get the marriage license prior to the wedding and how far before the wedding its required to apply for it. Just some things on my mind.

We also need to call Alessi Bakery soon to talk with the person head of cakes and sit down with them to sort out and place our order with them. At this point, we should have already made an appt, talked to someone and reserved our date with them. I think in the past I did this six mos prior to the wedding so we are very behind in many things as it's almost August - and getting b/t the 3 and 4 month mark. Most things should be finalized or reserved at this point.

Anyway- I'll let you go for now so not to overwhelm. Sorry to bombard you with ideas/things we need to do but if I don't say it or put it in writing in goal form- it will not get done and its stressful that there are so many loose strings that still need to be taken care of for the wedding and we are behind what would be the projected date for some of these things. Setting goals and writing it out to you is the best way to organize what needs to be done and best way to tackle it, so it can be accomplished.

I haven't heard from Matron in regard to the florist. Maybe we should investigate the Publix florist ourselves. We have to go to Citrus Park to pick up my shoes- we could stop over there prior to see if there is someone we could talk to , to get info on if they do wedding flowers and set up an appt if they do??? When do you want to go to Citrus Pk to get my shoes? You said we'd get them earlier in the week and the guy said he'd only hold them until Thursday which is tomorrow! Let me know what u want to do today-- as I would need to be ready to go to the mall by the time you get home if we are going to do that today and need some advance to organize myself etc!! Call me or write back to this!!

Again, I'm glad that you got tix to see the band u love more than anything in the world. I just hope they sound better than their last album as I wasn't very impressed and its a bit dated to their 90's sound!

Btw the band I'd really love to see is the Kills, as I like to see new bands from time to time that are up and coming and unique to the scene. Can you keep an eye out for any shows coming to the US or here and check on the sites you tend to look for tours on to see when or if they are coming here as Id like for us to get tix for them depending IF its at a decent venue of course. For more info and to see their artistic page, here's their website link:

http://www.thekills.tv/

Well,call me when you can, today. You could email me to give me an idea of when u might be able to call or recommend a time I can call, possibly around lunch time which I imagine should be very soon- let me know!

Love,
Me

HIS REPLY

Hi sweet pea,

I skimmed over your message and agree on pretty much everything you said. I'm a little stressed with all of the things that we need to do, but we definitely need to do whatever is possible by the end of the weekend. If I have time later this afternoon, I'll call the photographer and Stephanie about the Sandals thing.

I can't write much more now as things are a little hectic over here, but I wanted to tell you that I'll call when I leave for lunch (around 1pm). Talk to you soon...

Love,

Jimmy

MY REPLY

Hey sweetie, that's cool- I know you are busy and my email covers a lot that would stress anyone out. Thank you for your patient and graceful reply. I'm not trying to cause more stress or nag you about all these things but if someone doesn't say something they won't happen and at a certain point it will be too late, the wedding will fall apart or flop without structure and plans/goals accomplished. I just want it to go smoothly and it will only get more stressful if we don't confront what needs to be done now. Its true when they say avoiding things only makes it all the more worse. I just want things to be without too much complication and stress and although it may seem stressful, now, in the long run you will thank me as it will cause less pain/worry/anxiety/stress for our actual wedding day and honeymoon week. You will want that. I'll talk to you around one pm, don't forget to call!!

Love you, Me

helzberg diamonds- wedding ring styles.

Click here: Engagement Rings and Diamond & Gold Wedding Bands - Helzberg Diamonds

[i wrote this email last week and we went wedding ring/band shopping last weekend. our results/purchase in following entry. below is about place with pix of styles i wanted to look at that i found online prior to going shopping in the mall last weekend!]

Hi sweetie,
I found the above jewelry store at Countryside Mall jeweler with lots of selections for wedding bands and quite a few that I like altho I'd have to try on all of them and consult with the salesperson to make sure any of them could be cut down to my ring size as all of them are size 6 and higher. I'll include pix of the ones I liked most.

The link above takes you to all wedding bands for men and women in case you want to glance for yourself, theres a lot of selection compared to other sites and they look decent.

Most of all - to me the prices are reasonable and cheaper than many that we looked at. I'm not sure how good quality they are but I think Ive heard of them and guess we'd know if we went there this weekend. Let me know what you think. of this and the choices I share with you.

after navigating the website, Helzberg Diamonds looks very professional, informative with diamond grades and such and seems to be reputable. The site is also well made and accdg to the site theyve been around for a very long time and have a history that goes back to 1900's i think? The site even has fashion trends like vintage diamond ring styles that are in so this website is more interesting, and attractive as opposed all the other ones [minus tiffany's] and looks to have some very elegant items.

I do not know if every store carries what is online however but the choices I chose give a really good idea of the color and style of white gold I would definitely wear and shows you what I find attractive in style and design as well as diamond styles i like.

The first set are the ones i love the most. the second set are iffy, possibilities but not certain they would fit in reality or look "wedding band" appropriate- that's why they are in the category of uncertainty. but just wanted to share some ideas.

I was plagued by the worry of not being able to find something better than what we saw tonite and couldnt sleep so i looked up countryside mall stores and there are a ton of jewelry stores there including gordon's jewelers and this one i found here in this email, helzberg diamonds. please check out below what i chose. it took me an hour to compile this for you. but i just want to find a nice affordable ring and if its going to be hard to find one to adjust to my size as anything i choose will have to be cut down, then i need to begin looking now otherwise i may have no ring by the wedding ceremony and thats anxiety provoking to me.

I don't want to worry about it so thats why i am trying so hard to find something now and why ive sent this to share with you. i hope im not stressing you out with this but i just want to find something beautiful, unique /delicate/feminine yet one that will be favorable for petite fingers/hands and also affordable for you. I just want to square it away now and dont want to have this on my mind the next few mos worrying over finding a ring that is right etc. It is too stressful.

So these were the ones i liked and i would really like to know your thoughts/opinion- what you think is pretty and what u like out of the choices i am sending you. thanks for your time and patience.

Love you- april

+++

Here are the ones that caught my attention that I loved the most, the pix show very clear detail of metal quality and diamond and believe me, looks way more beautiful if viewed close up and for exact precise detail of style- i recommend u click on each ring's link for best and most accurate view of style. you can click on the picture link as each photo i share has a linked square around the ring item:

ps none of these rings $650 at highest price which is equal to the price range you were looking at for yourself. i feel many of these styles would be way higher than these prices. In fact, most styles like this seemed to run 1,000 and up at many of the other places we searched via the net tonite inc. the cheaper quality places like sam's club and such.

>EXCLUSIVE

1/4ct TW Round Diamond Ring

$599.99

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1/4ct TW Diamond Milgrain Ring

$599.99

Possibly like but not sure

1/4ct TW Round & Baguette Diamond Ring

$449.99

1/4ct TW Diamond Anniversary Ring $399.99

1/2ct TW Diamond Anniversary Ring $599.99

1/4ct TW Diamond Anniversary Ring $399.99

1/2ct TW Diamond Ring $649.99