occupation + consumption.

Quick list of what I've been occupied with and will write about on some future date:

Music:

The Kills- "Midnight Boom", The Decemberists- "The Crane Wife", Death Cab for Cutie's latest album- new fave song 'I will possess your heart'


Found this music post / video post via a favorite on a music site MOG which i belong to, highly amusing and entertaining.

See below:

How Siouxsie Sioux brought a tear to my eye..by Neill

Ailments:

Wisdom tooth dilemma and Jimmy pulled his back, so I took care of him all wkend. He is struggling with serious back pain and he doesn't know how it happened aside from a nap on the futon. It is so bad, its interfering with relaxing at home and he was in pain all wkend and couldn't do anything. He has a dr appt this Thurs. I guess this is what happens when you get older. lol. I feel old right now, all these problems. It does suck! I am hoping he gets better as it's been horrible for him and I hate to see him suffer so.

Film:

Under the same moon [mexican subtitled film- sad, moving, relevant to today's political issues, about mother and child- the bonds]

TV:

Latest new hilarious tv show that debuted, we discovered via VSL and our BBC cable station IS Gavin and Stacey- which I highly recommend to fans of the office [bbc] and quirky comedy like that.

News:

Tropical storms/hurricanes Fay, Gustav, and newly formed Ike and Josephine keep us riveted to local news, cnn, msnbc, and weather channel constantly. What can i say? Somex it's how you get when you are a Floridian. Those unfamiliar with constant hurricanes or living in a state with major hurricanes every year, probably can't or won't relate but that's how it is when you live in this sort of state.

CourtTV/ Current murder trial:

The Sean Fitzpatrick murder trial in Boston ended in a mistrial after he took the stand in defense of himself. The accused guy was older, weird, charistmatic, obviously charming but with an air of cockiness, arrogance and self righteousness. He seemed to be guilty but the lack of evidence/ dna was unable to sway the judge to come to any judgement. They simply felt too conflicted and that's why it ended with a hung jury. It will be retried and Phil Spektor's retrial begins at the end of September which will be of great interest especially since I spent months watching it last year and like everyone else was disappointed when he got off scott-free when we all know this man is psychotic and he did kill her. He's guilty! So now maybe justice will come this time around!

Politics:

Obama; democratic national convention last week [jimmy was more obsessed with this than i. its just since we live together, I kind of end up being sucked into things I normally would not take the time to watch on my own HA]

I am for obama though and I found most of the speeches very inspiring + moving but could have done with the HOURS a nite for an entire wk of constant CNN coverage that I was forced to watch because Jimmy couldn't miss one minute of any of it. He had to be in on each and every action -- thank god he has slowed down this week with the republican conven. - true its because he is not for the republican party as I am not either, but still if he had his chance, I think he'd watch it 24/7- he just knows I will explode on him if I have to watch another week of political junk nite and day. There is a certain amount of anything I can take and I'm sorry but my tolerance is LOW.

TV/Olympics:

Since I was stuck watching olympics everyday for almost a month becos of HIS obsession with that and if I complained over this and how it dominated our tv, I was ridiculed because I am UN-American to not be "INTO" the olympics. Whatev- LOL I have to disagree with that. I am not into sports period. So what?!!
To each his own, right?

I did enjoy the diving and gymnastics but when someone wants to watch 4-6 hrs of olympics everyday for 3 weeks, I hardly think u can expect anyone to be enthusiastic for very long. It gets boring and begins to feel like you have no choice but to watch that.

If I wouldn't watch it, he'd simply record it on our DVD-R but he'd have to watch it the next day to keep up with the latest olympics scores and to not use all the dvd r space up- so it wouldn't matter. I would still be stuck watching it the next day. I got aggravated a lot simply because he dominates the tv for his sports games on a regular basis, then it was olympics and now its politics. I just get irritated but that's life I guess. He isn't very good at taking turns or sharing and we get into frequent fights over that because he is often selfish in my opinion and lacks the ability to see past himself or to even offer compromise. I often have to get angry and fight to get any positive outcome. It is frustrating sometimes.

Wedding Planning:

*We will have a meeting with florist to finalize ideas and put downpayment down in mid september.

*We have an appt with Alessi bakery for wedding cake same weekend. We must also go to David's Bridal for alterations on my bridal gown during the last weekend of September.

*This month, also need to buy: clear contacts, bridal strapless full slip for gown etc.

*Research party favors and reception decor, send out invites by end of month, decide if there will be any wedding shower at all dependent upon his mother.

*We also investigated hotels near the wedding chapel/reception hall for our upcoming wedding, for our out of town guests that will be here and will need a place to stay the nite of the wedding nearby. We came up with the following, but in the end we chose the Oldsmar one for our out of town guests (we will stay in clearwater in sand key hotel)- It's the bolded Courtyard at Marriott one and looks pretty nice. We've reserved ten rooms for our out of town guests and if there are less than ten guests, we can lower the amount of rooms we are holding, accdg to receptionist.
Here's the list of the hotels within 10 miles of the chapel and reception hall. The one in Tarpon Springs would be by the sponge docks if anyone wants something interesting to do on Saturday. There are two in Oldsmar that I think are right by the big flea market, so maybe a few of you would be interested in that. I'll have to see if it would be open that weekend, but I imagine it would.Blue Moon Inn - Dunedin (1.59 miles/approx. $99)http://www.thebluemooninn.com/Best Western Lake Tarpon - Tarpon Springs (4.13 miles/$94)http://www.bestwesternlaketarpon.com/index.htmHoliday Inn Express - Clearwater North (4.76 miles/$119)http://www.hiexpress.com/h/d/ex/1/en/hotel/ddnfl?rpb=hotel&crUrl=/h/d/ex/1/en/hotelsearchresultsComfort Inn - Clearwater (4.8 miles/$88)http://www.clearwatercomfortinn.com/Best Western Yacht Harbor Inn - Dunedin (5.11 miles/$112)http://www.yachtharborinn.com/Courtyard by Marriott - Oldsmar (7.21 miles/$99)http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/tpaol-courtyard-tampa-oldsmar/Residence Inn by Marriott - Oldsmar (7.22 miles/$109)http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/tpaod-residence-inn-tampa-oldsmar/Fairfield Inn & Suites - Clearwater Bayside (8.71 miles/$99)http://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/tpacr-fairfield-inn-and-suites-clearwater-bayside/Belleview Biltmore Resort - Belleview (9.63 miles/$99)http://www.belleviewbiltmore.com/
I'm not sure where we're staying yet, but it might be the Sheraton Sand Key Resort in Clearwater. It's a little more pricey ($200 or so) and about 9 miles away. (http://www.sheratonsandkey.com/index.php)
+++

Labor Day:

I spent labor day sick, but so filled with anxiety [had a wedding day anxiety provoking dream], that i put together all 75 wedding invitations following correct model setup via box and putting in appropriate gift registries [was 25 short on gift registry cards so not all invitations are complete].

I felt so relieved for about ten mins like the weight of the world was lifted off my shoulders, chest, heart....but it wasn't long before that feeling disappeared and was replaced with renewed anxiety/worry, stress. Now, all we have to do is print directions, add them, add postage to reply envelopes, and then hand address them. YAY take one step forward, fall two steps back. Gotta love that feeling!

Honeymoon planning:

We met with travel agent at borders in tampa on friday. St. Lucia is way out of our budget and so is Turks and Cacaos. They are close to four thousand dollars even w/ discounts. So it looks like we are stuck going to jamaica, looking at Whitehouse Sandals all inclusive resort which Jimmy has hesitated on because he says its too expensive at $2800 which includes 5 nites, plane fare for two, hotel for two, all food, liquor, etc.

I hardly think its expensive and think its unrealistic to think u can find anything under 2000 that includes all that in the carribeans. he complains that i didn't want to take a cruise which is only a few hundred dollars. sorry but thats not romantic to me, being stuck on a ship with people i don't know is unromantic, limiting, claustrophobic.

My idea of romance and relaxation on a vacation far away is being able to have privacy, plan your time as u like, plan your days without anyones rules , get up and go to bed when you like unlike a cruise. In any case, he had reserved our hotel room and pkg price with the travel agent over the weekend with my approval. She wrote today saying the reservation ends tomorrow and money must be put down to seal package and book our trip if we are to have one for our honeymoon so i mentioned this on the phone when he called on the way home from work.

We got in an argument when i mentioned it as he told me he didn't know if he wanted to go all the way with it [after we wasted all our time talking with her and he told her we were seriously interested and reserved the room etc- this made NO sense to me], and that it seemed unaffordable to him even though we got major discounts since right now flights are free and you get a free nite plus a honeymoon suite on first floor upgrade for a limited time if u go with sandals, so thats what we were getting. It normally costs over a thousand dollars more than this. But anyway, he began complaining saying maybe we could find another deal cheaper somewhere else online. I said you've got to be kidding me!

We've been looking online for six mos now, all of them are close to this price range given by the agent if not mroe than this and the ones NOT all inclusive simply are not worth it and will end up more in the end. But no, he had to insist he knows more than I. And then he went into how we could have an affordable trip if i wasn't so picky and we went on a cruise.

I'm not even going to go into all the anger I felt then. This is supposed to be my future husband's gift to me -his wife. It is supposed to be romantic, a gift. It is supposed to be something I love. Is taking me on a cheap cruise that makes me sea sick and i find UNrelaxing and unromantic and NOT fun what you do to show your future wife you love her and she is special? I don't think so. I blew up, cried, then apologized after hanging up.

Later when he got home, we did look up prices on Jamaica Sandals pkgs. It pretty much proved what I had said. I think he was resigned because he wrote the travel agent saying he'd like to discuss booking the trip but there is still some hesitation because he wants to know the full price with tax which makes me feel he doesn't know how to finalize anything and is afraid, looking for an excuse not to make that decison yet. I don't know.

I didn't say anything but in our earlier argument I told him that I was resigned to have no honeymoon cos it clearly was too much for him, too much for me to ask and it seemed I was undeserving with the way he acted of something romantic, nice, and special. He said he wanted that for me and said he didnt feel this way but his actions/reactions tell a different story and I feel as I do because of how he makes me feel. No one should be this stressed over a honeymoon, most importantly, the bride to be. It makes me feel guilty for wanting to have and get what most normal people in this world get when they get married. It makes me angry that I am made to feel this way. i have a hard time coping with emotions under any sort of duress or stress and wonder if i ever can get any better than this. Most of the time, it seems hopeless and I feel it, inside. Hopeless.

I want to sing like the birds sing, not worrying about who hears or what they think.
-Rumi

over the weekend-- it's a mouthful!!

We went to the Men's Wearhouse where Jimmy registered himself and the groom party, this past weekend, at westshore plaza near downtown Tampa.

Jimmy's tuxedo will be a black: a Calvin Klein 3-button classic tuxedo suit, the inner vest matching my dress, in champagne while the groom's party wearing a simple tux with a victorian lilac color vest, matching the bridesmaids dress color perfectly since they are connected to david's bridal and offer all their colors to match at the tuxedo shop.

All men in the groom party will be wearing ivory dress shirts underneath, rather than white. we've been told since my dress is champagne/ivory that to keep it from looking dingy, all clothing/main colors should be ivory rather than white which i already knew and would have never done myself but jimmy didn't know it so i'm glad the man emphasized they all had to wear ivory and should stay away from white since it would make my dress look dirty and diminish its beauty etc.

Anyway, so that's one thing we got done this past weekend, setting up the groom party with tux's and registering. This week we may concentrate on ordering the wedding invitations so we can start sending them soon and compiling addresses- we started to get addresses of his relatives this wkend when we stayed at his parents for the 4th of July.

We think we've found a good photographer/DJ pkg at Celebrations of Tampa Bay and want to either set up an appt this Friday or Saturday with my mom or get that rolling with her.

We have not found a florist and are having a hard time finding ones in the area tampa bay/clearwater area that are known and do weddings. Online the websites Ive found mostly suck and seem cheap, u cant tell how nice the flowers are at all. I'm just trying to brainstorm what florist we can go with and how to find a good one who knows how to do weddings!

I am also considering Etsy for its artsy cute creative reasonably priced handmade jewelry but dont know how reputable it is and see a million beautiful necklaces and earrings I want. Not sure what style I want in terms of jewelry other than I either want to go with silver and crystals or silver and rose quartz or silver and moonstone [some pastel color] but I dont know for certain yet. I should share some examples of styles I like on etsy.com just to give an idea of what look I want. Im going for vintage, antique, romantic, I think. Anyone know etsy.com, shop there, or know anyone who they'd recommend?? Just curious.

I spent hours and hours last nite and didnt go to bed til after seven am this morning because I got pulled into the whirlwind that is the net and sites that consume- like etsy.com LOL everyone i see, i virtually want to buy but am broke right now. that sucks.

Mostly I am worried about some of the quality of the jewelry which looks a little frail or like it might not be solid enough or good enough quality to withstand breaking. I'd hate to buy something that broke during my wedding day or even within a short period of time. Even if the prices are reasonable, if the material quality is poor and it breaks after one or a few mos, than I've wasted my money. I like my necklaces to last five years or more and my best ones do last that long but lately all jewelry seems flimsy and breakable and cheap, unless you are buying top of the line fine jewelry with platinum gold or white gold- which i cannot afford but wish i could.

Next week Jimmy is off on vacation so I've got like two dr appts [and they have made 2 or 3 other additional dr appts in the next month or two.] I hate this new dr. its like they assigned me six appts in two mos because they are so booked and everything is a hard long process. it is tampa general clinic and it is not near here, it is far away, not in a great area/neighborhood, and inconvenient with their hours open and to get there. I have in addition, another appt tomorrow, at the spirometry clinic in downtown tampa by davis island. it sucks. Its at 9am but since its far and theres a lot of traffic we have to leave by 8am. I am not a morning person. I often dont fall asleep til after six am. I wonder how I will pull this off. It sux but I'll get thru it somehow. :/

The tampa gen. clinic seems to cater mostly to homeless and welfare cases which is why it seems i have a million appts and crappy dr service. i cant wait to get married to get proper health ins. under jimmy. i can barely take this anymore. the psychiatrist i had FINALLY FOUND last month, just canceled two wks ago to say they no longer take medicaid. this after jimmy called 25-30 psychiatrist drs just to find this one who promised they took my disability. well now they dont and i am almost out of options.

I did ask the primary care dr at tampa gen. last week for a recommendation. they said they would send it to my mailbox. they did and it was a huge disappointment. they simply sent a xerox copy of what I already have and have used many times to no success--- my insurance 1-800 number to find a psychiatrist- that is the number ive called so many times ive lost count and they are the reason i havent found a dr. no one knows what they are doing. they tell me a dr is covered by my ins. then when i try to make an appt with a new dr, the new dr tells me they do not accept my insurance at all and cancel me. it sucks. Anyway, leaving off on a more positive note. ....sorry to complain!

We are going to Lido beach near Siesta Key Beach [in Sarasota] for a day and a half next wed/thurs. It is supposed to be one of Florida's most beautiful beach and cleanest. We will stay over nite at holiday inn, just the two of us. I've never been there and it will be nice as weve never done anything like this as a couple in our entire relationship. I hope for blossoming intimacy, connection and romance. I think sometimes you need to put aside time and do special things with your lover/partner if only to reconnect and further deepen the relationship. Yes, I am one of those people.

Then thurs when we return, early evening were going to a downtown tampa hotel to see a presentation on Sandals all inclusive honeymoon pkgs as weve decided to go with Sandals and St. Lucia was recommended by his parents friends this past weekend who both said they absolutely loved their stay there at the Halcyon and recounted how beautiful, nice, clean it was. so we are considering that island but will know more - as the presentation will cover all Sandals carribean Island Resorts -- after we go to that meeting next week. :)

That's about it on this end. I just thought to update on some of the recent stuff, some of it involving wedding plans. More later and more to share, I am sure...Coming soon!!!