it's in the water baby, it's in our frequency.

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12660549131/standalone

(click to play music above)

Blind

If I could tear you from the ceiling

And guarantee a source divine

Rid you of possessions fleeting

Remain your funny valentine


Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind


If I could tear you from the ceiling

I know the best have tried

I'd filll your every breath with meaning

And find the place we both could hide


Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind


You don’t believe me

But you do this every time

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind


I know we’re broken

I know we’re broken

I know we’re broken


If I could tear you from the ceiling

I’d freeze us both in time

And find a brand new way of seeing

Your eyes forever glued to mine.

Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

I know I broke it

I know I broke it

I know I broke it

Post Blue

It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that bring you down

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your bag of golden brown

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your frequency

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that pick you up

It’s in the water baby

It’s in the special way we fuck

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your family tree

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



Bite the hand that feeds

Tap the vein that bleeds

Down on my bended knees



I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you



It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that bring you down

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your bag of golden brown

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your frequency

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



Bite the hand that feeds

Tap the vein that bleeds

Down on my bended knees



I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

Meds

[duet with Alison Mosshart from the Kills]

I was alone, Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

What happened to us,

What happened to me,

What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,

Forgetting names and faces.

Passersby were looking at me

As if they could erase it


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?


I was alone,

Staring over the ledge,

Trying my best not to forget

All manner of joy

All manner of glee

And our one heroic pledge


How it mattered to us,

How it mattered to me,

And the consequences


I was confused,

By the birds and the bees

Forgetting if I meant it


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?


And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,

Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

-placebo

[you'll not feel the drowning]

warms the heart, soothes the soul. shimmers. these are the sounds that have stayed in my head these past months.

(play below)

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12584199691/standalone

Crane Wife, Pt. 3

And under the bowsunbelle

I'll hold in the snowy shroud

She had no heart so hardened

All under the bowsunbelle

Each feather it fell from skin

'Till thread bare and she grew thin

How were my eyes so blinded?

Each feather it fell from skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

Her grey sky with bitter skin

A rain cloud rain on me

All out behind horizon, oh

A grey sky of bitter skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

Yankee Bayonet



Heart-carved tree trunk, Yankee bayonet

A sweetheart left behind

Far from the hills of the sea-swelled Carolinas

That's where my true love lies



Look for me when the sun-bright swallow

Sings upon the birch bough high

But you are in the ground with the voles and the weevils

All a'chew upon your bones so dry



But when the sun breaks

To no more bulletin battle-cry

Then will you make a grave

For I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

Then



When I was a girl how the hills of Oconee

Made a seam to hem me in

There at the fair when our eyes caught, careless

Got my heart right pierced by a pin



But oh, did you see all the dead of Manassas

All the bellies and the bones and the bile

Though I lingered here with the blankets barren

And my own belly big with child



But when the sun breaks

To no more bulletin battle-cry

Then will you make a grave

For I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then



Stems and bones and stone walls too

Could keep me from you

Scaly skin is all too few

To keep me from you



But oh my love, though our bodies may be parted

Though our skin may not touch skin

Look for me with the sun-bright sparrow

I will come on the breath of the wind

Here I Dreamt I was An Architect

And here I dreamt I was a soldier

And I marched the streets of birkenau

And I recall in spring

The perfume that the air would bring

To the indolent town

Where the barkers call the moon down

The carnival was ringing loudly now

And just to lay with you

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

Save lay my rifle down

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

And I am nothing of a builder

But here I dreamt I was an architect

And I built this balustrade

To keep you home, to keep you safe

From the outside world

But the angles and the corners

Even though my work is unparalleled

They never seemed to meet

This structure fell about our feet

And we were free to go

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, okay, guess it's better to turn this way

And here in spain I am a spaniard

I will be buried with my marionettes

Countess and courtesan

Have fallen 'neath my tender hand

When their husbands were not around

But you, my soiled teenage girlfriend

Or are you furrowed like a lioness

And we are vagabonds

We travel without seatbelts on

We live this close to death

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this

But I won, so you lose

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

The Island: Come & See / The Landlord's Daughter / You'll Not Feel The Drowning

[Come & See]

There's an island hidden in the sound

Lapping currents lay your boat to ground

Affix your barb and bayonet

The curlews carve their Arabesques

And sorrow fills the silence all around

Come and see



There's a harbor lost within the reeds

A jetty caught in over-hanging trees

Among the bones of cormorants

No boot mark here nor finger prints

The rivers roll down to a soundless sea

Come and see

Come and see



The tides will come and go

With this bare waking eye

Who rose like the wind

Though we know for sure

Amidst this fading light

We'll not go home again

Come and see

Come and see



In the lowlands, nestled in the heat

A briar cradle rocks it's babe to sleep

Its contents watched by Sycorax

And patagon in paralax

A foretold rumbling sounds below the deep

Come and see

Come and see



The tides will come and go

Witnessed by no waking eye

Who rose like the wind

Though we know for sure

Amidst this fading light

We'll not go home again

Come and see

Come and see



[The Landlord's Daughter]

As I was rambled

Down by the water

I spied in sable

The landlord's daughter

Produced my pistol, then my saber

To make no whistle or thou will be murdered



She cursed, she shivered

She cried for mercy,

"My gold and silver if thou will release me!"



I'll take no gold miss, I'll take no silver

I'll take those sweet lips, and I'll deliver



[You'll Not Feel The Drowning]

I will dress your eyelids

With dimes upon your eyes

Laying close to water

Green your grave will rise

Go to sleep little ugly

Go to sleep you little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Forget you once had sweethearts

They've forgotten you

Think you not on parents

They've forgotten too

Go to sleep now little ugly

Go to sleep now you little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Go to sleep little ugly

Go to sleep little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Hear you now the captain

Heed his sorrowed cry

"Weight upon your eyelids

As dimes laid on your eyes"

-the decemberists

turning seven. (memory preserved in video)

To my readers,

Here are the two videos of alexcia, that are sweet and enlightening. both are only seconds long and can be played quickly. Jimmy, my fiance is in first one while Alexcia begins with how she loves uncle al [my brother whom i am closest to]

Anyway in the video where alexcia mentions uncle al, she goes on to say how she loves me , parents and even my fiance. it is so so adorable!!!! Thats why I have to share this, warms my heart :D

And mom and I are in the second one. We're both talking a bit. as we sing happy birthday to Alexcia and she blows out her birthday cake candles!!!

Btw, I am always self conscious of MY SELF on the video camera [i am not shy of being in photographs and love it but with video, i feel insecure and shy. i hate my voice, hate how I look LOL but its only a few seconds and not too focused on me so I share this.

I think you may be able to tell either in here or in next entry with real sized pix from the birthday party- that I have indeed lost weight. Actually I think I look better than I have in the past year. I don't know. Its odd how severe sickness can transform you.

I'm still mystified, I confess.

September 27, 2008

Click here: MVI_3800 : Alexcia's 7th birthday-- " I love Uncle Al"... on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Click here: MVI_3830 : Alexcia's 7th Birthday!! September 27, 2008 on Flickr - Photo Sharing!

Everyone, Please Let me know if you are able to view these and what you think :D

PS.

Will Post the pix in upcoming entry along with synopsis of my niece's 7th birthday as soon as time allows. I am still recovering from my ills + now Jimmy has come done with a flu of sorts. Both of us are bogged down and so time is a bit tight right now. I am going to be back later in the nite to post more about this past weekend and recent events over here.

Stay tuned.

We should always live in the dark empty sky. The sky is always the sky. Even though clouds and lightning come, the sky is not disturbed. Even if the flashing of enlightenment comes, our practice forgets all about it. Then it is ready for another enlightenment.

-Shunryu Suzuki, "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind"

i haven't written because i haven't been online due to emotional struggles with the symptoms of manic depression which seeped out during the second smashing pumpkins concert in recent weeks due to all the ingredients of a disasterous nite. i won't go fully into this only to say it stormed hard, he did not tell me we would be standing without any shelter for 20 to 30 mins in the pouring rain. he did not bring an umbrella either. i did not think to suggest it since i was unaware we'd be standing in the open sky unsheltered. 'losing my cool' would be an understatement.

i got completely soaked and stayed that way all nite. all my makeup went in my eyes that took me over an hour to apply. my hair was all over the place. my contacts got so irritated i had to take them out and wear crappy glasses all nite. there were lots of other things to make me angry and pissed off but mostly i just think when i feel socially overloaded, i can't handle it emotionally.

i felt like i was wearing a wet diaper from head to toe all nite because that is how much rain poured over me. it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the entire world. he understood why i was upset and was apologetic but he felt like i should get over it because he and every one else was. but the kind of clothing he was wearing was thicker material and did not get as wet as mine. also other people aren't finicky, high maintenance or picky. i am and he knows it. so i felt to compare me to others was ridiculous. obviously other people will do anything for a free smashing pumpkins concert. i am not in that category.

i am not a teenager or in my twenties. i am 36 yrs old. i don't have the stamina or the energy for it and honestly as a teen and young adult, i would have never gone to a concert that would mean millions of people, being outside all day, or being in any kind of nasty weather. it's just never been my personality.

i will share the smashing pumpkins pix we got from the first concert [the one that went well and was inside in a fancy music hall, NOT the hard rock cafe one. they are kind of far and blurry for most part but still interesting and worth sharing here]

i'm only regaining energy this week and starting to feel better now. i think i am getting a wisdom tooth in, and spent all week of last week plus this entire three day holiday weekend sick with mouth pain.

jimmy determined he thinks the gum at the back of my mouth is impacted, and a tooth is coming thru. i just cant afford to do anything about it. i have no credit cards or money to pay for it at all. and unless jimmy pays for it, im kind of stuck suffering.

my mom had an absessed tooth last month and so she had a prescription for penicillin antibiotics from her dentist which she knew would help me, so she filled it for me and i picked it up over the weekend. i am grateful for that.. its helped a little but i'm still feeling pain on and off and have been feverish the past several days. im constantly on advil, tylenol and excedrin it seems - for the pain.

i have lots more to say and share, but i've been so bogged down emotionally lately and just out of energy to do anything especially write online so i haven't been here in a while. i will be back to finish updating as soon as humanly possible.