it's in the water baby, it's in our frequency.

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12660549131/standalone

(click to play music above)

Blind

If I could tear you from the ceiling

And guarantee a source divine

Rid you of possessions fleeting

Remain your funny valentine


Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind


If I could tear you from the ceiling

I know the best have tried

I'd filll your every breath with meaning

And find the place we both could hide


Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind


You don’t believe me

But you do this every time

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind


I know we’re broken

I know we’re broken

I know we’re broken


If I could tear you from the ceiling

I’d freeze us both in time

And find a brand new way of seeing

Your eyes forever glued to mine.

Don’t go and leave me

And please don’t drive me blind

Don’t go and leave me

And please drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

Please don’t drive me blind

I know I broke it

I know I broke it

I know I broke it

Post Blue

It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that bring you down

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your bag of golden brown

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your frequency

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that pick you up

It’s in the water baby

It’s in the special way we fuck

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your family tree

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



Bite the hand that feeds

Tap the vein that bleeds

Down on my bended knees



I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you



It’s in the water baby

It’s in the pills that bring you down

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your bag of golden brown

It’s in the water baby

It’s in your frequency

It’s in the water baby

It’s between you and me



Bite the hand that feeds

Tap the vein that bleeds

Down on my bended knees



I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

I break the back of love for you

Meds

[duet with Alison Mosshart from the Kills]

I was alone, Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

What happened to us,

What happened to me,

What happened as I let it slip.

I was confused by the powers that be,

Forgetting names and faces.

Passersby were looking at me

As if they could erase it


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?


I was alone,

Staring over the ledge,

Trying my best not to forget

All manner of joy

All manner of glee

And our one heroic pledge


How it mattered to us,

How it mattered to me,

And the consequences


I was confused,

By the birds and the bees

Forgetting if I meant it


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?


And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications

And the Sex and the drugs and the complications


Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

Baby did you forget to take your meds?

I was alone,

Falling free,

Trying my best not to forget

-placebo

[you'll not feel the drowning]

warms the heart, soothes the soul. shimmers. these are the sounds that have stayed in my head these past months.

(play below)

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/12584199691/standalone

Crane Wife, Pt. 3

And under the bowsunbelle

I'll hold in the snowy shroud

She had no heart so hardened

All under the bowsunbelle

Each feather it fell from skin

'Till thread bare and she grew thin

How were my eyes so blinded?

Each feather it fell from skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

Her grey sky with bitter skin

A rain cloud rain on me

All out behind horizon, oh

A grey sky of bitter skin

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

And I will hang my head, hang my head low

Yankee Bayonet



Heart-carved tree trunk, Yankee bayonet

A sweetheart left behind

Far from the hills of the sea-swelled Carolinas

That's where my true love lies



Look for me when the sun-bright swallow

Sings upon the birch bough high

But you are in the ground with the voles and the weevils

All a'chew upon your bones so dry



But when the sun breaks

To no more bulletin battle-cry

Then will you make a grave

For I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

Then



When I was a girl how the hills of Oconee

Made a seam to hem me in

There at the fair when our eyes caught, careless

Got my heart right pierced by a pin



But oh, did you see all the dead of Manassas

All the bellies and the bones and the bile

Though I lingered here with the blankets barren

And my own belly big with child



But when the sun breaks

To no more bulletin battle-cry

Then will you make a grave

For I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then

I will be home then



Stems and bones and stone walls too

Could keep me from you

Scaly skin is all too few

To keep me from you



But oh my love, though our bodies may be parted

Though our skin may not touch skin

Look for me with the sun-bright sparrow

I will come on the breath of the wind

Here I Dreamt I was An Architect

And here I dreamt I was a soldier

And I marched the streets of birkenau

And I recall in spring

The perfume that the air would bring

To the indolent town

Where the barkers call the moon down

The carnival was ringing loudly now

And just to lay with you

There's nothing that I wouldn't do

Save lay my rifle down

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

And I am nothing of a builder

But here I dreamt I was an architect

And I built this balustrade

To keep you home, to keep you safe

From the outside world

But the angles and the corners

Even though my work is unparalleled

They never seemed to meet

This structure fell about our feet

And we were free to go

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, okay, guess it's better to turn this way

And here in spain I am a spaniard

I will be buried with my marionettes

Countess and courtesan

Have fallen 'neath my tender hand

When their husbands were not around

But you, my soiled teenage girlfriend

Or are you furrowed like a lioness

And we are vagabonds

We travel without seatbelts on

We live this close to death

And try one, and try two

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this

But I won, so you lose

Guess it always comes down to

Alright, it's okay, guess it's better to turn this way

The Island: Come & See / The Landlord's Daughter / You'll Not Feel The Drowning

[Come & See]

There's an island hidden in the sound

Lapping currents lay your boat to ground

Affix your barb and bayonet

The curlews carve their Arabesques

And sorrow fills the silence all around

Come and see



There's a harbor lost within the reeds

A jetty caught in over-hanging trees

Among the bones of cormorants

No boot mark here nor finger prints

The rivers roll down to a soundless sea

Come and see

Come and see



The tides will come and go

With this bare waking eye

Who rose like the wind

Though we know for sure

Amidst this fading light

We'll not go home again

Come and see

Come and see



In the lowlands, nestled in the heat

A briar cradle rocks it's babe to sleep

Its contents watched by Sycorax

And patagon in paralax

A foretold rumbling sounds below the deep

Come and see

Come and see



The tides will come and go

Witnessed by no waking eye

Who rose like the wind

Though we know for sure

Amidst this fading light

We'll not go home again

Come and see

Come and see



[The Landlord's Daughter]

As I was rambled

Down by the water

I spied in sable

The landlord's daughter

Produced my pistol, then my saber

To make no whistle or thou will be murdered



She cursed, she shivered

She cried for mercy,

"My gold and silver if thou will release me!"



I'll take no gold miss, I'll take no silver

I'll take those sweet lips, and I'll deliver



[You'll Not Feel The Drowning]

I will dress your eyelids

With dimes upon your eyes

Laying close to water

Green your grave will rise

Go to sleep little ugly

Go to sleep you little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Forget you once had sweethearts

They've forgotten you

Think you not on parents

They've forgotten too

Go to sleep now little ugly

Go to sleep now you little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Go to sleep little ugly

Go to sleep little fool

Forty-winking in the belfry

You'll not feel the drowning

You'll not feel the drowning



Hear you now the captain

Heed his sorrowed cry

"Weight upon your eyelids

As dimes laid on your eyes"

-the decemberists

i will possess your heart -

Chance is always powerful. Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be a fish.

-Ovid

we got death cab for cutie's latest cd this past weekend and listened to it on a long drive home. it was sweet, romantic, brought back memories of how we got together- which in many ways was quite unexpected, full of excitement, anticipation. i resisted his advances for more for about six months. thats kind of why the song reminds me of him, i feel like the song could have been written for me by him. i feel like the girl in this song is the girl i was in jimmy's life in the beginning.

everything about the below song [featured in my project playlist for all to hear] in music, emotion, and wording reminds me so much of my fiance [it is one of his favorite songs right now actually and i feel it is a song that makes him think of me] - and it has quickly become a favorite of mine as well. the long instrumental introduction is beautiful mesmerizing, emotional and captivating all at once. i love the piano in this and the melody of it all.

it's one of those songs that gives me chills, moves my heart, takes me back, reminds me of how we met and how we formed. the way our love has grown over time. the words in the song convey very much how he projected himself towards me before i allowed him to pursue a relationship with me. i was extremely resistant and hard to get. it's incredible to me that things turned out as they did and it still amazes me how things can do a complete 180 degree turn when you least expect it...and the way feelings can change.

i was very closed off to him, emotionally, romantically and that is why i resisted him. due to previous past hurt and abuse by men i had been with, i felt seering bitterness and absolute divine hatred towards men, and in all honesty, i didn't think we'd click. out of fear, i oscillated between doubt and certainty in an inconsistent way which is why i pulled back from him for some time to sort myself out and figure out what i wanted.

in ways the push and pull, tug of war, back n forth reminds me a lot of pride and prejudice. something like that.

it was that i was determined. i was determined to be rigid, stubborn, not let any man easily in especially him and for some reason i'd chosen him to challenge myself with. i felt my mind was set, and what i was attracted to was the opposition of him and the feelings that came along with it all.

i can't really make anyone understand but can only say that i was extremely determined in the fact that i wasn't going to let another male hurt me again and so i began to teeter back n forth between showing some mild vague interest in him and gently innocently titillating him in some restrained way. i refused to be perceived as a slut but hints of sexual flirtation did seep out due to my inability to control my sexuality which is often intense. i thrive best on stimulation, danger, mystery, but i have learned to keep myself very controlled and under wraps since being in a seriously committed relationship and i do not allow myself to stray.

[in my past, i was wildly careless, impulsive, flirtatious and unrestrained.]

with him, i wanted to be perceived differently so i think i made him work harder and didn't give of myself so carelessly, so freely, so easily. i wasn't going to let anything be easy this time. i think part of that was anger towards the men before him who had ruined, damaged, destroyed everything inside of me. that's why at a certain point, i pushed jimmy away and said i needed space and i avoided him literally for three months.

he must have given up. and out of the blue one december day right before christmas was to roll around, i suddenly woke up with realizations and regret. i suddenly knew what i wanted and that was a chance with him. i suddenly realized i'd been blind as to what was right in front of my eyes and i'd been insensitive.

i wish i could explain all the ways in which he tried to 'be there ' for me, cheer me up, wanting to take away my pain, make me happy, and continually asking to take me out, cook for me, take care of me but i had declined the one who was generous and kind out of stubbornness and distrust/mistrust in men, anger, bitterness and jadedness.

it was months before i realized my mistake.

it was lucky i was able to reconnect and he was able to look past my neglect, disdain, mis-sight in things. i did explain to the fullest the whys of my reaction and action towards him and apologized profusely. i feel in ways i really did hurt him with my rejections at his advances. and i mean numerous rejections. i felt horrible over that for a long time. i wasn't the honorable person i so prided myself in - at the start of us forming a potential 'relation-ship' although neither of us knew if we wanted romance or not.

the only thing obvious was that we were both looking for someone to love and to be loved, deep down and with jimmy, it was also the allure of challenge, the feeling that comes after resistance, the build up of tension that creates suspense and in ways, excitement.

when you fight something sometimes it seems like maybe it was really yourself you were fighting against. and it builds real suspense, and arousal in ways. the tension creates the need for release which results in sexual tension and then, afterwards there's always that immense rushing feeling of giving in, but not in a bad way, in a way that feels almost orgasmic like some heavenly release. like, you've opened your heart to something, someone new. that feeling of opening, and finding- surprising yourself, doing something you thought you'd never do, going outside of yourself, going deeper- that in itself is the highest of highs -

sometimes the best aphrodisiac are my memories- hands down!

i can't quite explain the exhiliration i felt when this all occurred and the nite we first met. lets just say we did click in every way and it was electric.

http://www.playlist.com/playlist/11988325643/standalone

How I wish you could see the potential,

The potential of you and me

It's like a book elegantly bound,

But in a language that you can't read just yet

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

There are days when outside your window,

I see my reflection as I slowly pass

And I long for this mirrored perspective,

when we'll be lovers, lovers at last

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

You reject my advances and desperate pleas

I won't let you, let me down so easily, so easily

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

You gotta spend some time love, you gotta spend some time with me

And I know that you'll find love, I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

I will possess your heart

-Death Cab For Cutie