staring at the sun [a sunny sunday + pix]

Sunday:

Started the day by waking up around noon. Jimmy was still asleep hilariously as this is ABnormal for someone like him who rises early everyday even on his day off. He is typically up at 9am and I am generally lucky if I can wake up by 12 noon Haha. Not a morning person at all which grates on his / and his parents nerves when we visit them. I have always been a night person so sorry if they don't get it but that is my nature. I think he finally accepts me as I am and his parents have given up, but every now and then they take a jab at me, inserting that I have a problem with being up all nite and showing clear displeasure and disregard to how their insults make me feel. I usually change the subject or just say YEP with a little sarcastic laugh. I refuse to react to them OR explain myself- I don't need to define my reasons for anything. They already know why I am the way I am but fail to understand. That is not my problem. It is theirs and I don't have time to be bothered by their judgements. Could really care less if they love me or not - anyway- but of course it would be nice if they liked me just a little bit and said something that made me feel like I was good enough for their son and that centered on praise rather than criticism.

Anyway, I digress...

So we got the sunday paper which I recently got him into the routine of getting in order to get the Michael's sunday paper coupons to use towards our wedding and to cut out grocery coupons so we could save money. It amazes me that he never did this prior to me ever or used coupons. I grew up with parents or rather a mother who did this all the time and raised me to do the same as a grown up.

In my first marriage all we did was live for saving money and using coupons as much as possible where as Jimmy kind of didn't want to be bothered by the hassle because he has always made enough money to live comfortably and personally I just don't feel he has any idea what its like to struggle financially or to even be so poor you don't have enough food or are starving. Anyway, after gathering coupons and deciding which ones we wanted to use that day, we made a rough list of what we needed to buy at the store.

This was a day of chores- spent it vaccuming the whole living room and main area of apartment which was a job in itself since things are tight and it's become cluttered and disorganized as of late due to being so busy and mentally overwhelmed with so much wedding planning And other ongoing things.

I then took a shower, put some minimal makeup on and got dressed as we had to take a much needed trip to the grocery store to stock up on food and such for the week.

I have decided that on weekends even if its just chores or errands running around, i will from now on make the exerted effort to try to dress nicely, wear makeup and look nice because I want to try to break out of the rut Ive been in for the last few yrs and the last few times I attempted to do this - inc. past weekend- I have found that it greatly improves my self confidence and makes me feel a lot happier within myself.

I gather he thinks its silly...to dress up, put makeup or look nice just to go grocery shopping because he kind of made a remark like - why was i wearing makeup and taking pix just to shop at publix? he doesn't entirely get my line of thinking.

I feel like if you allow yourself to stop trying and you accept that you are in a rut but do not do anything to change it, that you make the choice to remain miserable and stagnant. I am not doing it as much for him as I am for myself.

Someone has to uplift me and I realize it isn't dependent entirely on him although it would be nice if he would make more of an effort. I take responsibility for making myself feel better about me, by changing the way Ive let myself go and swapping my old attitude out for a new one. Its odd how fall this year is feeling a lot like spring - in that I feel more positive, like I am shedding some of negative and becoming renewed by starting over again, feeling reborn.

I think its partially the impending marriage and the symbolic meaning underneath it all for me, but something in this makes me feel like the way spring feels. when the old dies and begins to grow anew after a cycle of cold mourning and death. renewal and rebirth.

I feel I am going thru something very transformational and significant.


Sunday shopping at Publix

We did our usual weekly shopping at our local grocery store which we've been going to for about two yrs now. This is a place we often go to and the main grocery store we choose to shop at. everything else is far or in unfavorable areas. I know its a sort of unexciting photo, but it was such a lovely day and felt like autumn in the air, that i couldn't resist getting a few pictures.

I know I may be strange, but I like having pix of the area I lived in so that in the future I can look back and remember what I was doing, where I was at and what period of my life I was in.

I realize in the two yrs Ive lived in this city, I have very little of pix of "my area" whereas when I lived in my parents city and in chicago, I had numerous pix in the areas I frequented and I find that now when I see that I have these, and look back on it, I am so grateful for those memories. recorded forever.

No matter how trivial or cliche, boring, plain it may seem to others, it isn't to me. I have a mind that easily flashes back to memories and it is triggered by a number of ways related to senses. It is most triggered aurally and visually for me.

My memories are heavily marked and preserved by way of visuals, sounds, smells, things connected to the senses. This is probably why I am so sentimental and nostalgic in personality. It's just the way I have always been and the way my mind and heart works and it is one of my favorite things about myself. I cherish this.

[I have often been told that I have a photographic memory. Over the years due to trauma/abuse/emotional distress, I believe that my perfect memory has suffered some and I find sometimes grasping for things I used to know or remember so well, but for the most part, I have the most vivid precise detailed memory of anyone I know or anyone I have encountered and I am often complimented for this by others because they notice it also.]

The sun was too bright, it was really glaring in my eyes which is why in most pix I either was turned away or squinting to see like crazy.

(end)

from start to finish, the day had its moments.

[from past weekend: our saturday with current pix of us included in entry]


Sandals Voucher for Jamaica + upcoming Honeymoon

Jimmy got the voucher in the mail saturday as he finished paying the final balance for the trip, I think, a few pix to document this :D







Saturday before leaving apt and at University Mall:





University Mall Courtyard- This is us sitting at a table, after a visit to candy shop to check out Davant Sweets-










Starbuck's Break







Jimmy hated this picture as I took it when he wasn't expecting it and he looked annoyed. He always gets testy when we are at the mall and he is in a hurry to finish things while I'd like to enjoy my time there since we hardly ever go and I see no reason for being so crabby. Its the weekend and we rarely go out, I was trying to have fun!





I got this coffee cup at starbuck's because it was not that expensive and I had admired it the previous time we were there and really wanted it since it was so pretty. I rarely drink coffee but drink green tea, chai tea, or cocoa on occasion during the colder months so I thought it would be perfect.

Plus Ive never had my own personal coffee cup so I thought it would be nice for those rare occasions. I really loved the floral print and colors especially paired with the lovely pale aqua blue inside the inner rim of cup and mixed in with red floral print- that is what I was drawn to. I am a very visually stimulated person.

Btw I had my usual at starbuck's - a grande iced caramel macchiato [spelling?] with extra caramel. they put a little too much caramel and i couldn't get the drink to come out of the straw. of course because i am a klutz, i accidentally spilled coffee on my jeans and the rest of shopping trip, all I could smell was coffee lingering from my body. That annoyed me, I don't like that smell of coffee if you spill it all over something on you.

Luckily i was able to wipe it up good and we did all of our laundry last nite [we did it in the middle of the nite so we ended up being up pretty late, watched SNL in between loads and waiting for everything to be done. by the time we went to bed we were exhausted. i fell asleep right away]

Tux Fitting at Men's Wearhouse for Jimmy

I was sitting in the back of the dressing room while the young alteration girl had my Jimmy try on his tux for our wedding. I'd have taken a picture of them but then that would have embarrassed him, so instead while he was busy in the fitting room and the salesgirl went in the back, I took a quickie picture of myself sitting there in front of the 3-way mirror to capture the moment and memory plus I was mesmerized by the way the mirror reflected so many angles .

Not to sound vain or anything, but I admired my own outfit, while passing time. This mirror made me look better than the one at home and it looked like I definitely lost weight so that made me feel happy as the past year or two Ive felt pretty down about my heaviness. I was wearing some black skinny jeans which I got last year and couldn't even wear because a few months ago, they wouldn't have even fit.

If I sound obsessed over my weight, its because I've felt stuck in a rut for 2 yrs now and it makes me happy to be able to wear clothes that were too small not long ago. It also motivates me to keep myself in check so that I don't gain that weight back. I haven't felt very positive about myself in a long time and it feels good that I can feel this way now but I'm still hesitant, because I'm afraid that if I feel truly happy, I will end up back in that rut again, heavy.

It's blurry but somehow I still like it. I think I might actually look thin and if it seems like I am stuck on that. If I seem fixated on this and surprised, it is because I never thought I'd feel good about myself again and it just seems like some kind of miracle. I did still weigh 101 pounds when I last checked. I was around 107 over a month ago.

I still would like to lose some more weight but I am satisfied with the weight I am right now, if that isn't possible. I feel much better with myself at 101 than 107. Before I actually would have times where I'd get very sad over it and feel so awful inside over it. Depressed.and Hopeless.

These pix serve as a reminder to myself to keep striving to eat healthier and take better care of myself. I am going to try my best.

After alterations, we stopped at michael's arts and crafts for some wedding favors geared towards candy, the tins to hold them and then had dinner at Chili's before heading home. He watched his game he was anxious over missing of course and I spent some time organizing, cleaning and writing.

I took this picture on our way home while in the car. This is where we live near. We live in a college town. It was very overcast much of the day although both yesterday and today felt like fall was in the air and looked brighter than this at different parts of the day and felt quite breezy with right amount of sun/warmth.

That made me pretty happy, the feeling of fall, although you cannot tell by the looks of it.

Florida doesn't really show 'seasonal change' like other states do, it is tropical after all. :)

Saturday evening we spent doing laundry and watching the latest Saturday Night Live episode which had the most hilarious rap by Amy Poehler with other members of cast.

I loved the eskimos rapping alongside Amy and the cheesy portrayal of todd palin in snowsuit with that funny looking shaped goatee. fucking hilarious. LOL

We loved it so much we rewinded and watched it a second time and are keeping it to record to a vhs tape hehe

Here's the clip that appeared on a fox show. they tend to be slanted in their beliefs there and are known to be very conservative right wing but it was the only clip I could find of the actual rap skit. I didn't really listen to what the hosts of that show said on this video as i just fast forwarded to make sure the SNL rap skit was covered in it! For those interested and who love a good laugh, take a peek :D

they no longer allow embedding so here is the link which allows u to play the SNL snippet:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N6ya39slPgs

PS sarah palin is annoying. they rave about how great palin was and how she knows how to have fun. i still think palin is tacky and do not agree with their thoughts at all. i think she looked like she was 'pretending' to be hip but she is so far from that, its not even funny.

best band ever- local tampa insight on cure show-

see my insights, thoughts on the cure concert along with our personal pix from the show in the following entry.

i thought this copy and paste of other peoples insights on the cure concert in my local tampa area via a blog site was pretty fascinating, and interesting enough to share since some of their sentiments could echo mine. they seemed to have a closer view than us - however- so their experience sounded a little more personalized and up close, more exciting than ours!

read below:

Photos

Tampa Tribune / Pharaohchin / Kittydew

---

Reviews

I forgot to factor in the eccentric crowd that would attend a Cure show in Tampa--home of goth clubs like the Castle and full characters like that Peter Pan Wannabee (http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/). They, along with Porl Thompson, made me think that Hot Topic sponsored the event and gave everybody new outfits.

Like I said about Ultra Fest last year, the band sounds better than ever. If they can keep touring every few years and play like they did last night, that would be the best. I am curious, however, how much longer they'll keep up with as much energy. The previous tour reviews are correct, Robert's unable to keep those high notes on Prayers for Rain and Wrong Number. By the encores, Porl was darting off stage, fatigued, and Robert kept panting from sheer exhaustion.

When I walked out, I also had to think through what the setlist was, I could only recall singles and new stuff at first--but then I remembered they played the Catch, The Blood, Kyoto song. It was a good show, overall, but no big surprises.

I must address, however, the bizarre qualities of this show. It is to no surprise that Cure fans are now in their 40's and even 50's, but it's kind of weird to see a mother/daughter team at the front of the stage holding a sign that says, "Why Can't I Do You?" What is even worse is then when I stood next to them, possible since a lot of people began leaving the floor in the encores, the mom says to me, "You can't be up front here unless you wanna fuck Robert Smith too!"

She kept flapping her cardboard sign at him, and eventually Smith mouthed with a look of annoyance, "Yeah, Okay, I know..." What else could she expect from a guy who has been practically married since the seventh grade.

For the first time ever, I found myself at the semi-truck parking lot amidst a crowd of other Cure fans awaiting the band's exit. Although the security was not lying when they said the band had left, I remained for quite awhile talking to some real pieces of work that wanted autographs and such. I met two women who were friends with an Italian guy who looks just like Robert Smith and sings in a cover band from Italy. They expressed surprise that Robert did not give him backstage tickets. I don't think I would do such at every one of my shows either. After you meet a guy who emulates you so much that he spends his life doing and looking everything the same way you do, with what qualities of such a mime could you ever forge more than a greeting and a thank you for being a fan? I think I would want to get the hell away from someone that so scarily copied me.

I also encountered a middle-aged blond wearing a shirt stating, "Robert Smith is God" who proceeded to jump the fence and hide beneath 65's bus. It is one thing to, by chance, meet a band, greet them, tell them some frame of reference as to why you like them as much as you do, but calling someone God? That has got to be one of the tackiest shirts I have ever come across on ebay.

I think I can only give some credit to the young kids standing out there, quietly, for a glimpse of the band. Hoping they may have a chance to mingle, get a photo, a handshake. As for the obnoxious middle-aged men with voices like Chris Farley who scream for pictures of roadies, wear black eyeliner, and drunkenly staggering... I could only look away from such embarrassing elements.

No wonder why they get into a discreet car and bolt--in a place like Tampa.

And lastly, the merchandising.... Will the Cure just let someone younger design their shirts? The stuff is so in your face. 4TOUR- THE CURE - ALL OVER THIS SHIRT! The one somewhat decent thing I saw was an army jacket that had the cure 4tour logo, but Modest Mouse and Dead Meadow had the same thing. Really.... something more subtle, maybe a graphic without the name? The band would make more money if they weren't merchandising that run-of-the-mill band merchandising company garbage where they just point at "cool" looking stuff in a brochure and order 5,000 in every size. I think the cure shirts stopped looking good 1987.

Keep in mind, that this all comes from probably the worst kind of Cure fan--one critical of the others...

But then again, I didn't see anyone else singing every word to every song except for me, and the head count was, what, 7,600?

- Eric W.

I bought tickets for this show last year (before the tour postponement) which fell on our first child's due date. I'm confident in saying that I was the only Cure fan happy to see the show rescheduled for June 2008. Saved a LOT of money on a divorce!! So, with my 8 month old home with Mom, safe and sound, I attended the show with my long time Cure buddy from NY, who flew down for the show.

This show was unbelievable!! Goose bumps from start to finish. Underneath the Stars was brilliant. Great opener, really setting the mood for the anticipation of the new CD this fall (hopefully.) I don't know if it was because we were in the 3rd row along side the stage, but this was the best Cure show I've seen since the Prayer Tour @ Giant Stadium. What made this show my absolute favorite of the 14 shows I've seen was finally being able to see 'Shake Dog Shake'. I've been chasing them all over the country for the last 2 tours to try to catch that one, but keep missing it. Thought for sure they would have played it in Miami last year, but no. On my life's 'things to do list', I can finally check off that one! Sounded as good, if not better than the 'Orange' show.

Porl is a madman. If Adam Jones ever leaves Tool, Porl is their guy. In fact, they should recruit him anyway...he's a perfect fit. Simon and Jason were in pristine form. Robert looked especially crazy last night! Last night was the best I've seen him look since '89.

If I'm not mistaken, they played ALL of the new songs (b-sides not included) at this show. All were great, but I think Baby Rag Dog Book was extraordinary. Jason was flawless. He went right from 100 Years into Baby Rag Dog Book! Porl, Robert, and Simon gave him a few seconds to wipe his face with a towel and then it was game on. That was approx. 10 straight minutes of serious hammering away on the drums!! Nothing against Jason, but until last night I've always favored Boris Williams as their best drummer throughout the various lineup changes. I was proven otherwise last night. Jason is to Boris as Ringo Starr is to Pete Best. This is by far the most energetic of the new songs and has me salivating for the studio version. I can only describe this song as 'Push' meets 'Disintegration' on 4 shots of espresso!

I don't want to sound greedy, but I was hoping to catch some other 'oldies' that they've been sprinkling in like Letter to Elise, Play for Today, Figurehead, etc. 'Catch' was a great surprise as was 'To Wish Impossible Things'. Glad Robert attempted that one again now that his voice was tip-top. Sounded much better than the Red Rocks version. He seemed to put a lot of effort into "....it was the hope of all we might have been". Excellent.

Songs like Kyoto, HHH, & Wrong Number are wasted on me, but they did sound phenomenal. During Wrong Number, when Robert says "hello? are you still there? Hello?", he switched up with repeating "HELLO?" "HELLO?" "HELLOOOOOOO?" to get the crowd going, as if it was needed!

You can always spot the long time Cure fans at any show by these three things:

1. During ANY new song, the novices sit down. Old fans remain standing.

2. During 'Fascination Street' when he sings 'move to the beat' the veterans pump their fists 3 times during that part.

3. During 'FTEOTDGS', the veterans "....put their hands in the sky".


4. Forest had an extra long intro and was by far the best version I've ever seen them do. As the band typically breaks down to just Simon at the end, Robert was going OFF!!! He sounded like he was about to fade out, and then went nuts and started back up again! Then Simon went crazy on the bass and dropped it by the amp, walking offstage with feedback blaring! Robert made a grimacing face, and walked over to his pedal and shut if off. Then he went back to his mike and said "Goodnight. See you again soon!"

Let me know when, so we can plan the birth of our next child a little better!!!

Anyone going to any remaining shows are in for a treat, especially the Radio City show.... the closer is usually their best performance! The way they've been mixing up their setlists, that's going to be full of surprises!!!

P.S. SHAME ON YOU, TAMPA!!!! HALF-FULL VENUE? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
- Skottydog

I went alone since my wife was in Dallas. The opening band was interesting but I think I got a little tired of them once the sound samples started getting to be too much.

Underneath the Stars was incredible. I also really enjoyed The Blood, Catch, Fascination Street, and wow - Wish Impossible Things. I've waited awhile to hear that one.

No one near me wanted to move or dance at the show. Now I can do an awesome spazmic 'man having a stroke' dance as a tribute to my hatred of rhythm. And since I was the only one doing it for several rows in either direction (I was the spaz in 103 D - passing his binoculars around, and yes, wearing khaki shorts), I'm sure I earned a few snickers. At least I didn't know anyone near me .

Then all the pop songs started and people sort of responded to those.

All in all, I'm glad I went, but I was a little disappointed by all the pop singles. If they'd have traded out Let's Go to Bed and WCIBY for M and Holy Hour it would have been the best show ever.

Last note, I saw the best Robert Smith impression I'd seen in awhile. I think the man, an Italian, said his name was Paulo. He sat a little far from me or I'd have introduced myself.

I hope everyone had a good time.

- Scott M

hey everyone. i just got back from the tampa show, and yes, the crowd was about as enthusiastic as a bowl of soggy corn flakes. my friend and i actually ended up scooting down a bit to a few row of empty seats just to the right of the mixing area. no one, i repeat NO ONE in the area i was previously in stood up at all. lame. kind of a standard set, but it was great to hear kyoto song and catch. freakshow was great live! i especially loved robert's little swimming dance. UTS was epic, but sadly, i don't think the crowd grapsed the oh hell yes! aspect of it. definitely a weird mix of people, with the hardcore fans being outnumbered by fuddy duddys in khakis shorts and what not. the highlight for me...easy. sneaking past an unmanned curtain on the 100 level and watching them soundcheck charlotte sometimes. robert was wearing his shorts! it also seemed that porl's guitar was kind of low in the mix at times, most evident on fteotdgs. robert appeared to be having a great time and was talkative. after freakshow, he said something to the effect of, "we've practiced this one a lot, but i keep fucking up the lyrics. seems simple enough, right?" before hot x 3, he said, "what it's been for the last fucking 3 days or so..." all in all yes, a standard show, but very high energy from the band. let's hope that milquetoast crowd stays at home when they hit sunrise, fl!

- November Trilogy

house hunting is highly stressful, pt 1

the canal pointe tampa house actually looked really nice in person as opposed to the photos. and it was cute. the masterbedroom made me think of male though and i was laughing about it as it had a half nude/topless? [subtle not dirty in any way] blonde woman painting above the dresser but with KISS memorabilia around it like a rocker dude and an acoustic guitar not far away from his dresser.

it is interesting to see what people have and their personality in these homes. they werent home but it had to be someone like our age or even younger who lived there and cos a lot of the extra rooms had boxes packed and taking up half the room, it was hard to tell.

the backyard and patio were also really cute. it looked like there was a cat due to kitty climber thing and cat food but didnt see it. also, there was a dog in a cage in the office room. felt really bad for it. i am very opposed to getting any house though that has an owner who doesn't make sure their home is DOG SMELL free. i don't really like dogs all that much mostly due to their messiness and smell [and i hate hyper animals that drool and jump all over you but jimmy's parents are dog lovers and cat haters and a lot of jimmy's friends are dog lovers too. i kind of have to restrain my thoughts. but not a huge fan of dogs. i agree with that scene in meet the parents where robert dinero is with ben stiller telling ben why cats do NOT sell out like dogs do and how they dont make u work for their affection. lol]

anyway i hate that smell dogs leave in a home if they live-in and so a few homes that were wreaking of dog smell, we were like "forget it! that is a turn off" LOL and it is a definite NO if i see a bunch of dogs or big dogs running around salivating which a few we did see just as i've depicted it. and these particular dog homes smelled horrible. i had to hold my breath.

as far as the fees, for this one home, jimmy says its way too high and he could never afford the payment + he is kind of in the dark about what is a normal fee or what is too high of a fee. i still think he will say its out of his league in being able to afford. i prefer a home that has fees cos it means it's taken care of while he has tried to stay away from homes with high fees or even wanted to go for ones with NO fees which i've tried to talk him out of. he may be realizing this now after seeing some real dumps w/o any HOA fee...i told him i think that would be a mistake. you want a nice family community where things are taken care of, there is a rec. center or pool or family oriented things included in the home esp if one day we start our own family and will be there a while.

i feel like an HOA fee makes the home or area more likely to be a nice area...i don't want a crime ridden downhill bad neighborhood. he thinks not having an HOA doesn't mean anything about how nice the community is or if there is a rec. center nearby that is included and all but I believe it means something and you don't get anything nice for nothing, nothing is for free LOL

btw jimmy says that the loan he qualified for which he sent out today to start the process, is a 150,000 FHA first time home owner loan and its where the sellers pay 3 percent cost of downpayment and 3 percent of closing cost. he was told this was the best loan to go for in terms of saving money on getting a first home. but again im really in the dark on this. i know very little about this process or what that means and really do not know if its a good route to take for a loan on a mortgage.

Jimmy's payments will be like 1200 a month with mortgage and he complains he will barely be able to afford this which i don't really get since he makes good salary and makes at least that i would think every two weeks and also we only pay 750 for this apt which is really cheap so i don't know where his money is going if he can't afford something like 1200 a month which some people pay for just an apt in a city LOL but he has major anxiety over being in debt or buying a home he can't afford. maybe he is just afraid of going bankrupt or losing the home. but i see people younger than us and not all of them have two working couples and MANY of them have lower paying jobs than Jimmy and they are able to handle it fine. we'll see i guess.

it's exciting looking for a new home. i hope we get one that's not a dog cos there are a few he wanted which in my opinion were horribly plain, not appealing, so boring it was ugly, never lived in which made it lack character and too big for someone who does not have kids but it appealed to him cos it was cheap (140 thousand) but it's also bank owned and foreclosed and i feel very weary of that. to me, this sounds too good to be true and i don't like it.

he thinks its a steal, but i feel there is a gimmick or a trick underneath hidden or a reason why it is so cheap that is not good. and whats worse to me, it looks like a glorified apartment, a cheap apt. the carpet and walls remind me of an apt, the kitchen cabinets and all that and it doesn't have the long halls like the ones i liked or vaulted ceiling with places to put knick knacks on, it doesn't have unique architecture like all the ones i have suared here previously, ones that i loved the most..

Jimmy thinks i am overreacting when i say i hate the foreclosed one [its called towerbridge in wesley chapel i think] but it's how i feel and i am the one who is going to be in it a lot alone so i feel i should more than like it, i should LOVE it and feel like it has promise and potential to make it a cozy home.

I don't feel these things with this particular home {Towerbridge} but i feel that with the other ones Ive shown here. he feels I am being petty and complains about me liking the ones that are more money - well, we saw those ones cos he said it was in his price range, the ones i love start at 149-150 thousand and 2 house are 160 thousand but ALL of these homes were chosen by him and he took the time to bring bothof us physically to these houses so that is a bunch of BS. i feel he is making excuses and can be a control freak and it really gets me pissed.


he gets mad and frustrated at me because sometimes i think he hates having to compromise and feels he makes the money therefore he should have more say than me in what house he buys. i understand he makes the money and he is doing a wonderful thing by buying us a home but i also feel we are a couple in this together and i am going to be his wife and people / husband's who buy homes, buy ones that the wife will love without making the wife feel guilty about money or not working etc.

i resent the fact that he is always bringing up the fact that i dont work or have a normal income while throwing it in my face all the time..as soon as he starts saying this BS, i dont allow him to finish his sentence because i already know what he will say and i think it is absolutely ridiculous and immature/ so i cut him off when he starts with that because its irrelevant to me.

part of showing love for your partner and spouse is buying a home the two of you will love particularly the wife, especially if i should ever be raising his kid and spending most of my time there.

i just feel at times his priorities are all out of order. and he can be a bit selfish and it really gets to me. he always reminds me how i don't work or have an income and i feel deep down he believes i don't deserve any say because its his money and not mine. he knows how i feel because i state it over and over but when it comes down to it all, i keep having to remind him what marriage is. its not about who has the money or who pays what.

marriage is about sharing, loving each other in sickness and health and most of the time this means sharing money, not keeping count on who makes money, who makes more money or who has a job or who does not have a job. anyway. end of vent. :) i just get a little frustrated at times. and our last home hunting experience which was over four hrs in a car, as in part, so tense i'm sure it could be felt across the world.

i wish it wasn't so stressful to look at homes and he could be a little more compromising, validating me when i say i hate something or do not want it etc. i hope the real estate agent is accustomed to seeing couples differ in preference for a home or argue cos if she isn't, i'd be embarrassed.

i am sure the real estate woman felt the tension this past wkend and it was unbecoming to both him and i. i don't want to make a bad impression of either myself or him!! sigh :(

she is also the sister of his best friend's wife - so like making a bad impression on her is the LAST thing i want to do cos she would then probably relay it to them and i don't think they know us well enough, we hardly even see them cos his best friend is always too busy for him.

[jenni wrote me this email after i shared the above with her, giving helpful advice for both jimmy and i. which i later shared with him. it was helpful to both him and i and eased a lot of stress. she made me realize somethings but even more she made him realize some ways he was being very unfair to me and he wrote me a letter acknowledging all that and promising to try harder- i will share this in the following entry after this one.]

+++

these are a few choice pix from canal pointe one of our top five considerations but not our most favorite from house hunting the weekend prior to last which i have not had time to post up until NOW sorry for the delay. things have been crazy busy and emotionally draining, all over the place. just havent had the energy. i will catch up eventually.

basic house information and important facts on canal pointe:

subdivision: Heritage Isles

3 bedroom/ 2 bathroom

one story, single family home

square feet: 1385 sq.ft

total acreage: 10889 sq. ft.

water: frontage/pond

built in: 2002

selling price: $139,000 ; taxes: 4,176 ; 2,420 Annual CDD Fee ; HOA fee [quarterly] $75.00

pix:

warning: the home looks way better in person than it did in the actual photos. keep in mind that.

exterior view of home/driveway
canal pointe, tampa



living room


kitchen



dining area/eating room



foyer/front room [they were packing - so some rooms were hard to define in terms of their use and how big they were esp the two smaller bedrooms which were full of boxes.]



office/den or first guest bedroom


guest bathroom in hall


2nd guest bedroom, too full of boxes to get an idea of size and possibilities.


walk-in closet, master bedroom.




master bathroom


master bedroom



door that leads to patio screened porch from master bedroom.


screened in patio/porch with scenic view along water and manicured green lawns


garage

(the end)

house hunting (canterbury lakes- our absolute favorite)

this is one of our absolute faves. its in our top two most wanted homes right now. and possibly we'll be bidding on it this week. the entry after this one is the second one we will bid on and the MOST wanted home, dream home. i'll share it shortly after this.

Subdivision name: Canterbury Lakes Phase 3

3 Bedrooms/ 2 Bathrooms

List price: $155,000 ; HOA Fee: $300.00

Sq Ft: 1258

One Story Single Family Home

Built: 2005

Total Acreage: Zero Lot Line

Water: View/Pond

Lot Size: 4,399

Kitchen, dining room, 3rd bedroom all 12x11 feet; living room is 19x12 ft. ; master bedroom 15x12 ft; 2nd bedroom 12x10 feet. porch: 12x12 ft.

Floor covering: ceramic tile

A/c and Heat: central

Extras: volume ceilings, cathedral/vaulted ceiling, walk in closet , two car garage, patio/porch open

3 bed/2 bath 1258 square feet; $155,000 [built in 2005]

front exterior of home/porch




walkway to front of home with porch.



LOVE the porch.




front door that leads outside.
canterbury, tampa

one view of the long lines and long wall along side of living room. narrow makes illusion of spaciousness.




kitchen nook/hutch facing dining area of room.



formal dining area, take one- a bit dark.





second view of dining area, more light.



3rd view of dining area [having hard time with lighting to take pix of this particular room]



i loved the painting above



view of living room with background view of kitchen/dining area- all tile floor, nice tile




entertainment wall across from living room/couch




decorative corner



hallway near front door, love decor and colors, painted wall.




view from living room to hall to wing of guest bedrooms down hall with guest bathroom.



love painting/art





guest room



bedroom



guest bathroom



master bedroom, kind of blurry, sorry









master bathroom within master bedroom, me in reflection.



bathroom in master bedroom, no bathtub but nice shower within this room



walk in closet, in master bedroom. didn't photograph very well.



garage





laundry room in garage



patio with sliding glass door to outside patio cement block





back yard area where across the way is a pond, very green grass, and the backside of neighbors' homes



concrete is where our patio would be, in front and on sides is view of neighbors