minori + brainstorming wedding accessory ideas!

written last week, friday morning prior to florist appt on august 1st:

This month I have to look for shoes so I can finalize the color and style and I am thinking of looking at more stores for a bridal style necklace and earring set. I may try to look at the mall today while we're out there if we have time and Jimmy feels like it.


I'm not sure that I want to stick with the necklaces I showed previously- a few entries prior to this- and its important I decide what Im going with so that all the accessories such as shoes and all the colors can match.


As much as the gold is pretty, I kind of prefer a silver with crystal style stone or rhinestone variety because in my everyday life, I never wear gold and haven't since I was maybe 16 yrs old. Ive always preferred silver, white gold or platinum in general.


Last month, I saw some very cute bridal style jewelry at etsy.com which is a place people make their own jewelry and sell them- Im sure most do it as a hobby and there are some really pretty and vintage styles but Im hesitant on going with that only because you cant see how it looks on you before you buy it and I don't know how good the material is, I wouldn't want the necklace to break.


These were some necklace styles I found on etsy that I thought really pretty and unique [not all of them would fit my wedding though. but are definitely styles Id like to wear in real life]



[i love the below one but more for my everyday style, not for the wedding. i just thought its really unique and this designer seems to use asian and japanese design a lot which is something i really love]


minori

Minori in Japanese means village of beautiful fields.

Lovely, vintage necklace handmade with vintage brass bird charms, rare and hard to find 18x13mm flower glass cab from Japan set on vintage brass pendant setting suspended from a strand of rare vintage brass chain and clasp 7" in length. I've got the last few of these flower cabs. This is why this item is now on Limited Editions.

SALE 30 PERCENT OFF - lilies vintage necklace

Description:
Lovely, vintage necklace handmade of orange lucite flower beads embellished with vermeil beads wire wrapped in antique brass fancy ball head pins suspended from a strand of soft and feminine vintage brass chain 17" in length accented with a vintage brass bird charm. Absolutely, gorgeous. Looks fab with anything! Original design and handmade by Portobello listed on 05/27/08

+++++++++++


the above jeweler is named Portobello, and u should see her other designs they are so cute. so i'll leave you with her store link. there are many amazing designers on this website. it makes me wish i could learn to make unique crafty jewelry and sell mine, too. it looks like a lot of fun. etsy is a really up and coming website featuring artsy and creative people who make things esp jewelry- its grown very popular :)


here's that girl's store link:

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5210893


These are the ones off Davids Bridal's Website that I love most- these are the styles I originally wanted with my wedding gown but its hard to find a store that carries a lot of these where you can actually go in, try it on without having to ask to look behind a case or being pressured to buy, or watched like a hawk by sales ladies.

They look well-constructed [for inexpensive fashion jewelry] I know it is not fine jewelry and not meant to be perfect but I do not want something that will fall apart on my wedding day - I want to avoid shoddy jewelry or flimsy pieces that are fragile.

I am thinking if we have time we might stop by david's bridal in the area and look at these so I could maybe buy my necklace so I could work on planning the rest of the colors of my access. and so on.

If I went with one of these necklaces then Jenni and shannon wouldn't have to remove the clip on your dress cos it would match. Just another reason why I am leaning more towards this direction!

For now, here are the designs I like Most to give u an idea:

(end)

floral + stress.

This entry was written prior to last weekend- on Wed. July 30th as days off are consumed by wedding planning and finding some downtime to recover from all the stress. That is why I haven't been online much friday to sunday as of late.

It is because every second of our time is filled with obligations, appts, and a wanting to just vegetate once the day is over as its been exhaustive. Add home hunting on top of all this-- and the stress is just BRUTAL. That's been frustrating and depressing too but guess what? I think Jimmy is beginning to wake up after seeing some close friends over the wkend- who just had their first baby and gave him some wise tips and advice over the weekend which back up what I have been saying to him all along (but he chose to ignore).

I WILL most definitely share a full update on the above paragraph, full detail of the house hunting dilemma and how his friends pretty much validated everything I had tried to say to him in the future. HA! Feels great to be validated and say -Told you so!!

So, here is latest wedding update which was written about a week ago!

Jimmy booked the photographer LAST Monday and put down the 535 deposit. We will be going to Citrus Park Publix floral dept on Friday and have an appt at 2pm- they do do weddings.

Note, he wrote me this last week:

Hi babe,
I just got off the phone with Randy at Celebrations and booked the photography, DJ, and music for the ceremony. I told him that we'll stop by sometime to listen to the different music selections they have. It ended up costing $1605 including tax, so I paid $535 for the deposit and the remaining balance is $1070.

I also talked to a lady at Publix (Apron's) and scheduled an appointment for the flowers at 2:00 pm on Friday. She said they normally have appointments up until 6:30 pm, but I didn't want to have to rush over there after work especially since I don't normally get home until 6:15 pm as it is and don't know if I may have to work late.

Well, I hope you got some rest. I probably won't stop by storage until I pick you up if you think your photos will be ready. Let me know if you talk to them and they still aren't ready and I'll get the book (and any others) that sold.
Love,
Jimmy





+++

Oh, we've put in our Wedding Invitation Order last weekend - it was over $200. [The proof came today via email and we will receive them at the end of August- we only ordered 75 invites.)
We are very behind and Jimmy has been stressed over being behind and money but I kept warning him we needed to do things and he ignored me. He likes to say he never wanted a formal wedding and I was the one- so things have been tense and I blew up over that over the weekend before last weekend.

It IS hurtful because he keeps rubbing it in my face everytime he is stressed [esp when my dad acted how he did-didn't want my mom helping us much financially with wedding. So now J feels funny around dad and seems to resent me even more because of how my dad humiliated him and it is as if he wishes he never committed to having a formal wedding becos of my dad and how he acted etc.) This is simply NOT fair to me and it has got me completely stressed out! I am caught in the middle. I can't help what my dad did and it's really not my fault. I have no control over what others say or do, regardless of blood ties. I feel like my dad has screwed up Jimmy's chance of being close to him or having a good relationship and it really upsets me inside but I can't really talk to anyone because all the ones I would talk to are involved (mom/dad jimmy)and it just seems I have been put in the middle against my will. I resent this and feel agitated/upset over the entire thing. It should not be like this.

All this makes me feel my fiance's heart isn't into this wedding planning and makes me realize that he is NOT appreciative of what a special day this will be. He has no idea that everything we are doing to make this wedding a reality IS preparing us for the real meaning of marriage and that this is an exercise on how well we work together as a couple, and gives us a tiny idea of what it is like to conquer hardships/stress/ in life as well as what its like to make plans, set goals and to compromise as a couple as we will need these skills during our marriage and future life together. This is preparation and a build up to something so meaningful and its a once in a lifetime thing, a learning experience that is beyond valuable to our future together.

His attitude has been the wrong one and hurt me lately because this should be a gift of his love to me and instead of complaining and making me feel guilty for having a wedding, he should be supporting me in this and appreciating all we're doing to make this special for him. Not to mention love IS making the other happy not thinking ONLY of yourself. Love is not selfish..but he is immature and self-absorbed. He cannot see past anything but the money aspect and how it is taking up all his precious selfish social time.

It just makes me sad and feel resentment that he doesn't care about what this means to me + has to act like an immature child throwing a tantrum and only thinking of himself. He doesn't seem to realize how special this day will be.

I feel like he is going to regret his actions when that day comes and he is moved by the ceremony and everything at the wedding. He will be sorry and I have warned him of this very thing - in a recent outburst/ fight.

Jimmy has promised to try to be more supportive but I have felt very overwhelmed and stressed, constantly upset as he is trying to cram us buying a home before Oct. 1st to make the deadline before the FHA loan expires and to move in everything before the wedding.

I think trying to find a first home and having to move in right before the wedding is a BIG mistake. I feel it is TOO stressful for me and I have tried explaining this to him. I cannot handle both moving and a wedding!!!! It IS stressful enough as it and I fear that my mental state of being will not be able to handle this much stress. I am drained with everything going on and it IS over his head. He thinks I can toughen up and get over it but I cannot.

We had a fight over this yesterday. I am resigned. He wants what he wants even if it causes me distress and doesnt want to hear how I feel or consider me. He says he will try his best to minimize stress for me in house hunting but the last several mos have been high stress and the closer it gets to him all panicked over this house loan deadline, the more frenzied and stressed everything will be. He just does not get it!! It is purely logical common sense.

He doesn't want to wait and is convinced he will NEVER be able to buy a home if he misses this Oct 1st 2008 deadline as they are doing away with FHA. I feel that is a ridiculous and irrational line of thinking and he is allowing fear to control him and it is impairing his judgement severely.

Jimmy has a good job and good credit. I've seen people on welfare get homes with tons of kids. But whatever!!!! He feels he knows more than I do. It is a waste of breath to say otherwise.

I just hope things get less stressful cos I am overwhelmed right now and my mood swings are increasing because I have no psych medication and no psych who will treat me with my insurance so I am really struggling :(

Next I am going to share some pix I copied from the white chapel website where our wedding will be held. These give an idea of how some people decorated the chapel for the ceremony and also how they chose to do the reception room.

Jimmy still needs to talk to Janice to find out the amount of chairs/tables and what color or how they look. I hope it is in a neutral color because in one of the pix the chairs were bright tropical green and that wouldnt match our wedding colors of ivory, champagne and lilac!!

Update: WELL Jimmy talked to Janice last wkend. Turns out chairs are a bright bluegreen color- so this will NOT do. Jimmy is the one who called her and talked out things while I was asleep over the past wkend. He told me that he got a recommendation from the chapel/reception coordinator [Janice] for linen seat covers for our chairs and that it was a really reasonable price so he said we will go with that, at 3.50 a chair plus they do set up for you. We are estimating approx 8 tables, give or take and I think 8 tables holds an estimate of 8 people to one table. We needed to find out that information for other various wedding planning appts such as florist and for when we start shopping at michael's for arts/crafts DIY wedding decorations and party favors since that seems to be the more affordable route to go at this point!!

Here are the picture examples in chapel + reception hall at White Chapel in Palm Harbor:

CHAPEL FLORAL ARRANGEMENT IDEAS (see examples below from past weddings there:)








(two different styles from different weddings- it appears)






RECEPTION HALL IDEAS (for floral arrangements in hall and at tables:)

(those hanging bouquets (with lights or mini chandaliers) are unique but don't know if we could do this, how expensive it might be, and J thinks it looks too complex and we should stick to simple. but I like unique. We'll see, I suppose.)



+++

Thinking further and more in term of the bridal party bouquets and what I want..after some net surfing and research, here are some floral bouquet trends this year that I would most consider for my own potential bouquet for this wedding.

In all honesty, I am most drawn to the second one. This is mostly because I think there will be gold in my colors based on possible accessories. It depends if i go with necklace and shoes I am thinking of. This is of uncertain yet and I am hesitant as I don't really like gold all that much in terms of jewelry- I prefer white gold or silver to yellow gold so this could change and is very up-in-the-air at the moment!

BOUQUET TRENDS

ballerina bouquet:

summer pizza.

our mutual friend Karen [which i will write an entry about this week since we saw her and her husband over the weekend with their newborn and discussed real estate with]--- made the following summer appetizer a year or two ago at a party they had on their patio one summer nite when we attended and we loved it. it goes good with coctails and drinks as well and is refreshing and filling for those hot nites. ever since we had this, we had wanted to try making it ourselves.

well, jimmy is more the cook. i stay away from the kitchen. he enjoys making food. i do not. and i am more the recipe suggester/finder. anyway i was so excited to find this recipe over the weekend and so we went out to our local grocery store publix and purchased necessary ingredients in recipe [he only added a little extra mayo and garlic salt] and we chose our favorite fresh veggies to put on top [cucumber, broccoli, carrots and celery] - it came out smashing!

jimmy did a perfect job so i just had to take this picture of it and share the recipe for those who may like recipes and cooking :)

[below is the pic of the summer pizza we made, taken with my camera]




Cool Veggie Pizza
Submitted by: DebbieRated: 4 out of 5 by 28 members
Prep Time: 20 MinutesCook Time: 12 Minutes
Ready In: 1 Hour 30 MinutesYields: 10 servings

"This appetizer is a cool pizza made with refrigerated crescent roll dough and topped with finely chopped vegetables. Zucchini, mushrooms, green peppers, green onions and tomatoes all work well as toppings."


INGREDIENTS:
1 (10 ounce) can refrigerated
crescent roll dough
2 (8 ounce) packages cream
cheese, softened
1/2 tablespoon mayonnaise
1 teaspoon dried dill weed


DIRECTIONS:
1.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2.
In a lightly greased 9x13 inch pan or 13 inch round pizza stone, arrange the crescent roll dough in a single layer. Pinch together the edges of the dough. Bake for 12 minutes, or until it becomes a golden brown crust. Remove the crust from the oven and allow it to cool.
3.
In a medium bowl, mix together the cream cheese, mayonnaise and dill. Evenly spread the cream cheese mixture on the crust. Sprinkle toppings on top of the cream cheese spread. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to allow the spread to thicken.
4.
Cut the chilled pizza into wedges or squares with a pizza cutter to serve.


ALL RIGHTS RESERVED © 2008 Allrecipes.com

swarovski crystal/gold tiara + jewelry set.

below is the tiara i will be wearing with my gown [there is a veil- not pictured] which i got when i got my formal bridal dress at david's bridal.

today i got a matching necklace and earring set by same designer with swarovski crystal and similar gold frost metal design with rhinestone/pearl- a very subtle design but the sort of necklace style i was really searching for. the necklace and earring came in a set for 75.

i tried using macro to capture the photographic details of jewelry esp the crystal/rhinestone as that setting allows u to get clear accurate pix, without blurriness and the color looks exactly how it looks in person. most came out really good.

i am including pix of these just to share what my accessories look like - ive also matched my shoes to these accessories color. i felt the style of necklace with rhinestone makes everyone able to be more flexible in access they wear as its not as limited as the other necklace i considered wearing.

also, the girls can now wear the rhinestone clip in the bridesmaid dresses as it will accent my style and match perfectly now. i was so happy and excited to get this out of the way.

i was also fortunate to find a pair of shoes in the ideal subtle gold formal heal style with nice design and comfy material, flattering to my foot. i have flat feet, never wear heels, and have trouble finding heels or dressy shoes due to narrow petite small feet. i coincidentally found one i liked in my size 5 and a half and ironically it was way marked down so i got them for 21 dollars- they were originally 55 so im very happy and it also will be helpful to know all my main access colors when choosing decor. its nice that its finally set in stone and i can move further forward!


anyway, lots going on and its been a whirlwind. i'm sure ive left something out but if i remember anything else important, i will write again.

tiara:

shoes:

(they were hard to photograph so hopefully u get the idea. the lighting made it look too yellow, i tried to fix best as possible)

The more I think about it, I am considering having my hair dyed in a professional salon that uses a good designer brand of dye that specializes in vibrant shades of red. I know that Matrix and Redken in the past had a good line of dye and many shades of red.

Jimmy asked around at work as some of his coworkers have salons they go to in tampa. Their pricing is about how much I paid ten yrs ago and is reasonable, about 50 dollars for cut and color and I could maybe look into those places [or somewhere in a mall- or dept store] and get my hair trimmed and dyed closer to the wedding, like one or two weeks prior- but don't know if its cheaper than going to one salon for all my hair needs [cut, color and updo] or doing it separately from the updo salon.

PS

it is sorta blurry but this is the unity candle we chose and bought at david's bridal today.

our wedding floral plan of action!

we had a meeting with florist at publix also. it was overwhelming and a few hr appt as everything had to be picked from scratch. we're thinking of going with [for bouquets] roses with hyperium berries with hand tied cut off stem bouquets [dont know correct wording] its still a roughdraft idea. but i think the bridesmaids will have lollipop colored roses which are similar to coral color..and mine will be ivory/creme. its just an idea that we're playing with currently.

[jimmy called the chapel/reception coordinator and we will be able to use those floating candle dishes jenni let us borrow for the reception tables in lieu of florist centerpieces for each tabletop. ]

we were thinking of going with orchid arrangements [in lt yellow, lt green and melon-reddish variations for the majority of tables/reception area but thats up in the air still.] and looking at an asian looking style plant or orchid with butterflies for main altar display or something like this. again, those are rough ideas we need to still think over before making a final decision. the florist hasnt been reserved yet but doubt we will find another place more reasonable in price. the charge isn't much to have it delivered so we may opt for that as they bring everything to the place and help set up, possibly. im not sure- so much info was thrown out that we both walked out of there stressed and exhausted!!

without the pricing of the petals used in floating dishes, the wedding table floral centerpiece, cake table or guest table floral arrangement, altar arrangements and roses along church aisles, the price is estimated at 379.00 only including bouquets, boutoinneires and corsages. it doesn't get any cheaper than that. that was close to what my first wedding cost for florals in the mid 90's and my ex and i went thru the same company twelve years ago. so you aren't going to find any cheaper than 300.

i expect it to be under or close to five hundred maybe in the four hundred range when all is said and done. ive purposely chosen cheaper flowers. lilies and stefanolis [unsure of correct name/spelling] that i was often drawn to wanting to choose go up into the hundreds and thousands for just bouquets. you'd have to be rich so i've settled for roses/orchids which are way cheaper.

below is a roughdraft of the itinerary plan we mapped out together on a computer screen with our appointed florist:

after hours of catalogue browsing and speaking with florist at citrus park publix which specializes in wedding florals, we came away with these highly possible ideas:

bridal bouquet: 9 vendella creme/ivory roses with green Hypericum berries hand tied with creme ribbon 3/4 down

matron of honor & bridesmaid bouquet: 5 lollipop roses with peach Hypericum berries

boutonnieres: groom: vendella ivory/creme rose & green Hypericum

best man, groomsmen & ushers: lollipop rose with peach Hypericum

mother of bride & groom + grandmother: cream spray roses [can choose either corsage for wrist or corsage to pin to dress]

church altar for ceremony: two potted arrangements, altar arrangement plant- asian style or orchid with butterflies in design/plant, possible unity candle flower arrangement; pew arrangements with a few roses along aisles

reception: 8 centerpieces [if 8 tables- dependent upon number of guest b/t 50 and 75 people but won't know til rsvps are received later down road: possibly floating clear glass dishes with stones, orchid petals and votive candles for each table.

a waste of breath.

i tried talking sense into jimmy the other day, via email and in person. it turned into somewhat of a nasty fight.

he is convinced if he doesn't buy a home he will never have one and feels at 37 he is way past due. i could not talk any sense into him and getting upset, telling him he was being ridiculous, stupid, ignorant, unrealistic and impossible wasnt worth it.

sharing my disapproval [i tried the civil rational way via email but that did not work] but it only made jimmy more determined, headstrong, and stupidly stubborn. it was pointless to express my feelings.

he is being naive and foolish.

i emphasized that this is too much to worry about right before a wedding. and too stressful. he dismissed my feelings and my stress and said life is all about pressure and u just deal with it.

his way of lack of empathy tough love approach or whatever u want to call it- stubborn asshole male sentiments i guess- IS POINTLESS and WASTEFUL.

it doesn't and won't work for me.

i pretty much blew a fuse. i felt so frustrated and angry at him.

i couldn't get my point across and there really was no care about how this is affecting me emotionally- i simply said i wasn't going to tolerate this and a compromise would be worked out or i'd be leaving. i hung up.

while he was on the phone, he kept telling me he couldn't talk anyway abruptly and was angry i called his work so pissed, i hung up on him. why waste my time? it was the day before yesterday but everytime i think of it, i get enraged and want to scream f-you at the top of my lungs.

i am mostly okay-- if i don't think about it.

it wasn't the most mature thing to do and i felt pushed to my limits and hopeless. i just get so angry when he won't talk to me about the thing that is truly upsetting me and his attitude was like i just have to go along with whatever he wants and what i feel/think really has no meaning. and that i better just deal with it. it pisses me off to be treated like i am worth nothing or that he is HIGHER than i when he is NOT. i don't appreciate being treated like a child. he knows all this. i'm like a broken record telling him i won't stand for imbalance in our relationship and not having a say in what we do in our lives.

i don't think he means to come off as cold and controlling and rigid and it only occurs when fighting and there is resistance from me.

when i write these things down here or on paper, i know it makes him look more evil than he is and i don't want him to be perceived in this negative way. truth be told, in person, he is another kind of animal and one that most would perceive as non-threatening, unintimidating and HARMLESS.

whatever the case, i'm tired of arguing and fighting at the moment. i say things i don't really mean. and i feel like im going to lose it in the rages i feel sometimes, not like i'm going to physically destroy anything/anyone. just that emotionally i feel i am going to lose it.

i am resigned. he can do what he wants. i don't care at this point and i will be a bitch about it because i am resentful at this time. he is all for getting a home before the oct 1st deadline and he wants to stay with that bitch yvette. he wants us to move into a new home and maybe a new city before our wedding.

i think thats so f--ing ridiculous and i screamed i didn't want to contend or stress over this before our wedding. he told me it would be no stress. that is BS. it will be. he also said since i have been married before- it shouldn't be stressful - this wedding were planning which is way more formal in ways than my first wedding but he doesn't want to hear the facts and is just plain ignorant.

we did make up later but i'm still angry. he didn't apologize for his attitude and i don't necessarily agree with much of his goal/plan. he won't allow me to have much say and i'm tired of fighting.

i will F***ING LAUGH when he realizes that he isn't gonna find a house to make that deadline and that it is way more stressful than he ever imagined to try moving before a big wedding when we have so many loose ends to tied still and are so stressed over it...but he assures me he will be fine and he won't let it get too stressful for me and he will do things to minimize my stress. well, we will see!!

i'm not mad right now but i do resent the situation and i am bitter towards him.

i am not going to put much effort into supporting his unrealistic vision in getting a home by october and moving in before november but i won't say anything to shoot his ideas down. it isn't going to be as easy as he thinks and i think he is kidding himself and do not think it will happen.

i can't wait to say i told you so.

i know i sound childish but i am pretty fed up right now and tired of not being heard.

[ps i dont want any notes on this one, sorry!]

oh yeah, this was what jimmy wrote me after i emailed him about waiting on house hunting or at least waiting to buy one til after we marry in november, which is only four mos. he just would NOT f***ing have it.

his letter started out nice by saying what i wanted but by the end, it was obvious that there were hidden layers of inconsistent and contradictive statements thruout the email. in fact i bolded it, printed it and took notes in green pen to show him all these things.

it set me off and got me really anxious and then really angry. irritated. i hate people who have some secret agenda, trying to trick me or manipulate me into doing what they want. i felt that was what he was doing whether consciously or unconsciously.

his sentences flit around- going from supporting/validating me TO confirming my feeling of his true intentions which i disagree with entirely.

whatever.

this was his email :

[when i confronted the email below- that is when we got in a fight and my feeling he was going to contradict what we decided last week was true. he has contradicted himself and is as anxious as EVER to get a home and i don't see much of a break being taken at all, for it has been less than a week and we have spent several days doing home searches online to compile his next list of driving to homes. yeah. not happy.]

Hi babe,

I'm just going to briefly respond to your message because I'm really busy today. If I don't get a lot of this work out of the way soon, I may have to work from home in the next few weeks to finish a project before school starts and I don't really want to do that if I can help it.

I understand the points you make and agree with many of them. While Yvette may not be the best realtor, I've already established an application with the mortgage guy and don't want to go through all of that again if I can avoid it. I'm not saying we have to go out looking with her every chance we get until we find something. I really think that we'll only need to go out once or twice more to look at places around Citrus Park and Brandon.

If we have time on my last long weekend, we'll drive by the neighborhoods and make sure we want to see some of the houses we found.

We can't wait too long or other people will scoop up the good ones and we'll definitely be stuck in our infested apartment for another year or longer. After we see the ones we like, we can decide when we will be ready to go out again.

If we don't find anything in Hillsborough county, then I would consider finding another agent to look in Pinellas, but only when our options are exhausted.

I admit that I've felt a little pressured at times, but I assure you that I'm not going to make any stupid decisions. I've already learned a few lessons from this whole process. If it means anything, I'll tell my mom to quit asking about it and I'll tell her when something develops.

I've already iterated that if we don't find something, we'll have to wait until I can afford it.

The fact of the matter is that the downpayment assistance program that will allow us to buy a house may very well not be available after October 1st (as I've read in a few different articles).

I'm in too much debt with my car payment and credit cards to save any significant amount of money in the next few years to be able to make a $10,000 or more downpayment, and I'm afraid that if we don't find something, it'll be a while.

I'm definitely not going to rush into anything in order to beat any deadline, but I don't want to give up either. I think we're getting closer to finding something that we'll be happy with.

I know we have a lot of things to do for the wedding, but I promise that I'll make it a priority. I still think we can fit in house hunting while we do these things. I know I've been stressed and you have too, but it'll be over in a few months and it would be much better to start our life together as a married couple in a nice house in a nice neighborhood.

Well, I probably haven't hit on everything I needed to here and haven't been as brief as I intended, but I really have to go now. We can talk about it more later, or if you're more comfortable discussing these things through email, I'll try to respond more when I can.

I'm not upset and I don't want you to be more stressed than you already are. I'll do my best to make it as painless as possible and we'll get through these things together. We've already put so much into finding a place to live and I need you to be my support when we're ready to take the next step.

Hope you have a nice day and I'll see you soon.

Love,
Jimmy

(bible verse ideas for our wedding ceremony)

bible verse ideas for the ceremony readings [my mom will read either of the two suggested below but most likely is going to go with song of solomon as it is her favorite and i think it is beautiful]

#1

The Song of Songs


The Bible's Love Song

1 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's.

Opening poem

2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is better than wine,
3 your anointing oils are fragrant,
your name is perfume poured out;
therefore the maidens love you.
4 Draw me after you, let us make haste.
The king has brought me into his chambers.
We will exult and rejoice in you;
we will extol your love more than wine;
rightly do they love you.

5 I am black and beautiful,
O daughters of Jerusalem,
like the tents of Kedar,
like the curtains of Solomon.
6 Do not gaze at me because I am dark,
because the sun has gazed on me.
My mother's sons were angry with me;
they made me keeper of the vineyards,
but my own vineyard I have not kept!
7 Tell me, you whom my soul loves,
&n bsp; where you pasture your flock,
where you make it lie down at noon;
for why should I be like one who is veiled
beside the flocks of your companions?

8 If you do not know,
O fairest among women,
follow the tracks of the flock,
and pasture your kids
beside the shepherds' tents.

A dialogue of mutual admiration

9 I compare you, my love,
to a mare among Pharaoh's chariots.
10 Your cheeks are comely with ornaments,
your neck with strings of jewels.
11 We will make you ornaments of gold,
studded with silver.

12 While the king was on his couch,
my nard gave forth its fragrance.
13 My beloved is to me a bag of myrrh
that lies between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
in the vineyards of En-gedi.

15 Ah, you are beautiful, my love;
ah, you are beautiful;
your eyes are doves.
16 Ah, you are beautiful, my beloved,
truly lovely.
Our couch is green;
17 the beams of our house are cedar,
our rafters are pine.

[Song of Solomon 2]

1 I am a rose of Sharon,
a lily of the valleys.
2 As a lily among b rambles,
so is my love among maidens.
3 As an apple tree among the trees of the wood,
so is my beloved among young men.
With great delight I sat in his shadow,
and his fruit was sweet to my taste.
4 He brought me to the banqueting house,
and his intention toward me was love.
5 Sustain me with raisins,
refresh me with apples;
for I am faint with love.
6 O that his left hand were under my head,
and that his right hand embraced me!
7 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the wild does:
do not stir up or awaken love
until it is ready!

8 The voice of my beloved!
Look, he comes,
leaping upon the mountains,
bounding over the hills.
9 My beloved is like a gazelle
or a young stag.
Look, there he stands
behind our wall,
gazing in at the windows,
looking through the lattice.
10 My beloved speaks and says to me:
"Arise, my love, my fair one,
and come away;
11 for now the winter is past,
the rain is over and gone.
12 The flowers appear on the earth;
the time of singing has come,
; and the voice of the turtledove
is heard in our land.
13 The fig tree puts forth its figs,
and the vines are in blossom;
they give forth fragrance.
Arise, my love, my fair one,
and come away.
14 O my dove, in the clefts of the rock,
in the covert of the cliff,
let me see your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.
15 Catch us the foxes,
the little foxes,
that ruin the vineyards —
for our vineyards are in blossom."

16 My beloved is mine and I am his;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.
17 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
turn, my beloved, be like a gazelle
or a young stag on the cleft mountains.

[Song of Solomon 3]
Nighttime search for the beloved

1 Upon my bed at night
I sought him whom my soul loves;
I sought him, but found him not;
I called him, but he gave no answer.
2 "I will rise now and go about the city,
in the streets and in the squares;
I will seek him whom my soul loves."
I sought him, but found him20not.
3 The sentinels found me,
as they went about in the city.
"Have you seen him whom my soul loves?"
4 Scarcely had I passed them,
when I found him whom my soul loves.
I held him, and would not let him go
until I brought him into my mother's house,
and into the chamber of her that conceived me.
5 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles or the wild does:
do not stir up or awaken love
until it is ready!

Solomon's wedding procession

6 What is that coming up from the wilderness,
like a column of smoke,
perfumed with myrrh and frankincense,
with all the fragrant powders of the merchant?
7 Look, it is the litter of Solomon!
Around it are sixty mighty men
of the mighty men of Israel,
8 all equipped with swords
and expert in war,
each with his sword at his thigh
because of alarms by night.
9 King Solomon made himself a palanquin
from the wood of Lebanon.
10 He made its posts of silver,
its back of gold, its seat of purple;
its interior was inlaid with love.
Daughters of Jerusalem,
11 come out.
Look, O=2 0daughters of Zion,
at King Solomon,
at the crown with which his mother crowned him
on the day of his wedding,
on the day of the gladness of his heart.

[Song of Solomon 4]
Praise of the woman's beauty

1 How beautiful you are, my love,
how very beautiful!
Your eyes are doves
behind your veil.
Your hair is like a flock of goats,
moving down the slopes of Gilead.
2 Your teeth are like a flock of shorn ewes
that have come up from the washing,
all of which bear twins,
and not one among them is bereaved.
3 Your lips are like a crimson thread,
and your mouth is lovely.
Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
4 Your neck is like the tower of David,
built in courses;
on it hang a thousand bucklers,
all of them shields of warriors.
5 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle,
that feed among the lilies.
6 Until the day breathes
and the shadows flee,
I will hasten to the mountain of myrrh
and the hill of frankincense.
7 You are altogether beautiful, my love;
&nbs p; there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride;
come with me from Lebanon.
Depart from the peak of Amana,
from the peak of Senir and Hermon,
from the dens of lions,
from the mountains of leopards.
9 You have ravished my heart, my sister, my bride,
you have ravished my heart with a glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
10 How sweet is your love, my sister, my bride!
how much better is your love than wine,
and the fragrance of your oils than any spice!
11 Your lips distill nectar, my bride;
honey and milk are under your tongue;
the scent of your garments is like the scent of Lebanon.
12 A garden locked is my sister, my bride,
a garden locked, a fountain sealed.
13 Your channel is an orchard of pomegranates
with all choicest fruits,
henna with nard,
14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon,
with all trees of frankincense,
myrrh and aloes,
with all chief spices —
15 a garden fountain, a well of living water,
and flowing streams from Lebanon.

16 Awake, O north wind,
and come, O south wind!
Blow upon my garden
that its=2 0fragrance may be wafted abroad.
Let my beloved come to his garden,
and eat its choicest fruits.

[Song of Solomon 5]
The woman's search

1 I come to my garden, my sister, my bride;
I gather my myrrh with my spice,
I eat my honeycomb with my honey,
I drink my wine with my milk.

Eat, friends, drink,
and be drunk with love.

2 I slept, but my heart was awake.
Listen! my beloved is knocking.
"Open to me, my sister, my love,
my dove, my perfect one;
for my head is wet with dew,
my locks with the drops of the night."
3 I had put off my garment;
how could I put it on again?
I had bathed my feet;
how could I soil them?
4 My beloved thrust his hand into the opening,
and my inmost being yearned for him.
5 I arose to open to my beloved,
and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with liquid myrrh,
upon the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened to my beloved,
but my beloved had turned and was gone.
My soul failed me when he spoke.
I sought him, but did not find him;
I called him, but he gave no an swer.
7 Making their rounds in the city
the sentinels found me;
they beat me, they wounded me,
they took away my mantle,
those sentinels of the walls.
8 I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
if you find my beloved,
tell him this:
I am faint with love.

9 What is your beloved more than another beloved,
O fairest among women?
What is your beloved more than another beloved,
that you thus adjure us?

10 My beloved is all radiant and ruddy,
distinguished among ten thousand.
11 His head is the finest gold;
his locks are wavy,
black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
beside springs of water,
bathed in milk,
fitly set.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spices,
yielding fragrance.
His lips are lilies,
distilling liquid myrrh.
14 His arms are rounded gold,
set with jewels.
His body is ivory work,
encrusted with sapphires.
15 His legs are alabaster columns,
set upon bases of gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as the cedars.
16 His speech is most sweet,
and he is altoge ther desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.

[Song of Solomon 6]
In praise of the woman's beauty

1 Where has your beloved gone,
O fairest among women?
Which way has your beloved turned,
that we may seek him with you?

2 My beloved has gone down to his garden,
to the beds of spices,
to pasture his flock in the gardens,
and to gather lilies.
3 I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;
he pastures his flock among the lilies.

4 You are beautiful as Tirzah, my love,
comely as Jerusalem,
terrible as an army with banners.
5 Turn away your eyes from me,
for they overwhelm me!
Your hair is like a flock of goats,
moving down the slopes of Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of ewes,
that have come up from the washing;
all of them bear twins,
and not one among them is bereaved.
7 Your cheeks are like halves of a pomegranate
behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens and eighty concubines,
and maidens without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one, is the only one,
the darling of her mother,
flawl ess to her that bore her.
The maidens saw her and called her happy;
the queens and concubines also, and they praised her.
10 "Who is this that looks forth like the dawn,
fair as the moon, bright as the sun,
terrible as an army with banners?"

11 I went down to the nut orchard,
to look at the blossoms of the valley,
to see whether the vines had budded,
whether the pomegranates were in bloom.
12 Before I was aware, my fancy set me
in a chariot beside my prince.

Praise of the woman and her response

13 Return, return, O Shulammite!
Return, return, that we may look upon you.
Why should you look upon the Shulammite,
as upon a dance before two armies?

[Song of Solomon 7]

1 How graceful are your feet in sandals,
O queenly maiden!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2 Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3 Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4 Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
=2 0by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
overlooking Damascus.
5 Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.

6 How fair and pleasant you are,
O loved one, delectable maiden!
7 You are stately as a palm tree,
and your breasts are like its clusters.
8 I say I will climb the palm tree
and lay hold of its branches.
O may your breasts be like clusters of the vine,
and the scent of your breath like apples,
9 and your kisses like the best wine
that goes down smoothly,
gliding over lips and teeth.

10 I am my beloved's,
and his desire is for me.
11 Come, my beloved,
let us go forth into the fields,
and lodge in the villages;
12 let us go out early to the vineyards,
and see whether the vines have budded,
whether the grape blossoms have opened
and the pomegranates are in bloom.
There I will give you my love.
13 The mandrakes give forth fragrance,
and over our doors are all choice fruits,
new as well as old,
which I have laid up for you, O my beloved.


#2

1st Corinthans 13

In Praise of Love


1 If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give away all my possessions, and if I hand over my body so that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. 7 It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never ends. But as for prophecies, they will come to an end; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will come to an end. 9 For we know only in part, and we prophesy only in part; 10 but when the complete comes, the partial will come to an end. 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became an adult, I put an end to childish ways. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known. 13 And now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; and the greatest of these is love.

the happy outcome :)

citrus park mall: wedding band shopping and our exhaustive search for our rings.

the happy outcome :)

his n' hers

HIS

MINE

1/4ct TW Diamond Milgrain Ring

The wedding band shopping was a little stressful and exhausting because we went to 5 stores and spent hours looking and trying on, asking questions and deciding what style we liked that flattered, was unique and we could envision wearing forever. We looked at Helzberg Diamonds, Gordon's, Kay's, Littman's and Jared's.

I think both of us wanted to absolutely love what the wedding bands we chose and for it to represent our personalities individually but most of all we wanted to be sure it was a ring and style we'd love to wear forever. That made the choosing process a little harder because neither Jimmy nor I wanted to make a hasty decision or regret the style we choose.

We both wanted something in white gold and something that was a bit unique but not tacky or bold. I wanted diamonds in my wedding band because I did not get a big diamond engagement ring and mine only cost 220 dollars [the engagement ring is antique / got from used estate jewelry in a jeweler store]

So, basically, Jimmy told me way back when he got the engagement ring that he would spend a little more on a wedding band since he didn't really spend much on my engagement ring and it was really inexpensive.

In looking for the perfect ring/wedding band...my other problem is that my fingers are children's size and I can't even wear the standard size that an average woman wears [generally five is the smallest] so I needed to find something that can be cut down in size without disturbing the design that would look right on petite dainty tiny fingers LOL that made it kind of harder since it limits me and I wear a size 3 and a half on my wedding ring finger currently [my engagement ring was a size 4 but had to be cut down becos that was also too big]

Anyway we ended up going with the place I actually found online a few days ago and suggested to Jimmy and it was the first place we looked at and loved the most in terms of choice to look at [a lot to choose from], reasonable pricing and financing, and good customer service/reputable company.

It was great and exciting but by the end we began to get dizzy and every ring began to look the same and it made us doubt our choices for a minute. I was sweating at one point. Anyway, in the end, we felt the first place Helzberg was the one that felt right and like the best place so that is where we made our purchase. It was a very exciting and memorable day. :)

shadowplay [they keep calling me]

in my darkest hours, i've breathed in and consumed every emotion explored in each and every song here.

it was how i felt and over the past twenty years where i've floated in and out of existence.



hear this


http://www.playlist.com/playlist/10952861707/standalone




unknown pleasures -

favorite cover art album of all time above. love the abstract and its still one of the most creative, coveted.

these two recent films have caused a heavy revival of both jimmy and i's love of Joy Divison. Both of our teenage highschool roots go back to this group.

i remember getting up everyday for school and listening to Joy Division's Substance- Best Of cassette tape in my stereo as i got ready for school. it gave me the adrenaline rush i needed and the motivation to push myself thru another day.

i was 16 years old and it was 1988.

music was one of the main things that kept me sane during a particularly oppressive time in my life where i hated school because i didnt belong and was seen as dark and strange for being new wave/goth but revelled / rebelled in that feeling at the same time. i was for the most part a nonconformist and artsy. i felt misunderstood- and very alone back then- and i just did not fit into conventional society or with any social popular clique of any kind- [i still really don't].

i felt very dark, with very little light to follow..back then.

it was a crushing time.

To the centre of the city where all roads meet - waiting for you /To the depths of the ocean where all hopes sank - searching for you/Moving through the silence without motion - waiting for you/ In a room with a window in the corner I found truth/In the shadowplay, acting out your own death - knowing no more/As the assassins all grouped in four lines, dancing on the floor/ And with cold steel, odour on their bodies, made a move to connect/I could only stare in disbelief as the crowds all left/I did everything, everything I wanted to/I let them use you for their own ends/ To the centre of the city in the night - waiting for you /To the centre of the city in the night - waiting for you

-joy division

h a u n t o l o g y

on the joy divison 2007 documentary directed by grant gee

some notes i took on the music technology of joy division and indepth analyzation via interview on the categorization of their music, sound, philosophy- a particular genre and time period very specific in music- which i find fascinating and very much a style which i find myself drawn to - time and time again.

Derrida [french philosopher]

Joy Division- seemed of spectral quality / dead but alive, something that's there and yet its not there.

"Hauntology" - different take of post-modernism, and symbolic of technology- that "it has turned us all into ghosts"

The Persistence of Past in the Present

Ghosts

Joy Division--- haunted by themselves.

*in some sense, a belief that- or philosophy that recording media is turning into dateable object and killing you [us].

small article on above documentary- what to expect from it:

Joy Division: A Film by Grant Gee

Iann Robinson takes a look at the Joy Division documentary.

CraveOnline

June 30, 2008

Joy Division has become much more than a band in the nearly three decades since singer Ian Curtis killed himself. Perhaps it’s due to the rebellious romanticism attached to Curtis taking his own life just days before the band was to hit America and “make it big.” It could be the almost otherworldly air that Curtis had with his stage presence, voice and lyrics. It might just be that Joy Division wrote damn good songs. Whatever it is, Joy Division has been lifted from a group of guys to an idea, a myth, and an institution. Though the remaining members went on to form New Order, one of the most influential pop bands in the world, it is still Joy Division that the world dotes on.

Since having achieved this mythical stature, it becomes hard to remember that Joy Division were simply four guys from Manchester England who had incredible chemistry together. Part of what makes this new documentary from The Miriam Collection titled simply “Joy Division” so wonderful is that it humanizes the band again.

This is a very even handed documentary that has successfully removed any hero-worship and instead focuses on the actual story of Joy Division, breaking down the whole into four separate parts or members. Of course the ghost of Ian Curtis weighs heavy on the film but it doesn’t consume it. None of the participants is maudlin or morose; in fact they seem to be celebrating the joy of the times they were in and their shared creativity as opposed to trying to pontificate on why the genius of Ian Curtis finally consumed him.

Director Grant Gee has no problem letting the film unfold slowly, giving it room to breathe and create an atmosphere that rivals Joy Division’s music. First Gee sets the scene with Manchester in the seventies, the sound, and the clubs, how the music brought some life back into it. From there we learn the origins of Joy Division through stories from surviving members Bernard Sumner, Peter Hook and Stephen Morris. The best part is that the stories aren’t these brooding melancholy gothic overtures but rather simple stories about four guys hanging out and trying to make original music.

It’s so cool to hear snippets of the more straight punk sounding work they did under their original name of Warsaw and to hear the band joke about how bad those songs were. The three surviving members are really interesting to watch, especially the odd split in their attitudes towards life. Sumner is serious and contemplative, Hook is boisterous and funny while Morris is an even-handed combination of his two peers. The combination of those personalities makes the telling of the band’s history so fascinating you can’t help but stay riveted through the entire thing.

Helping to round out this story are interviews with Tony Wilson (creator of Factory Records) as well as album cover designer Peter Saville, Joy Division biographer Paul Morley and a long overdue interview with Ian Curtis’s girlfriend Annik Honore. Conspicuously missing from this film is Deborah Curtis, Ian’s estranged wife though her presence is well represented through quotes layered throughout the movie. Gee has managed to tie in all the aspects of the band’s short existence from their music, to Curtis’s battle with epilepsy, and all the other triumphs and tragedies that made the band what it was. The film goes from funny to poignant when it needs to and never seems forced or heavy handed. Nobody involved in this movie is out to exploit the death of Ian Curtis, nor further the mythical image of Joy Division, if anything this film was made to break all of that down and destroy it.

Acting as the backdrop for this tale is the actual imagery of the film, which is beautiful and seamless. Gee doesn’t just splice together the various scenes, he weaves them together into a beautiful tapestry. It’s obvious that this movie was made by and for people who love Joy Division and for those of us who understand that their importance comes from who they were not from what people have made them out to be. Joy Division is clearly going to become the definitive look back at one of the greatest bands in the history of music.

---

joy divsion's name was created and derived from a book and has its roots in german history. it was actually a term for the german brothel's. in the over 20 yrs i had known them, this was foreign and strange to me if not slightly disturbing, as the context of the name seems largely misogynistic but i do not know if there was really any relevance behind the name and their philosophy of music. probably not. this name was also not their first name. prior to being joy divison, they were for a short time, the stiff kittens and then warsaw.

further information of above off website:

The name change to Joy Division in 1977 [because a punk band called 'Warsaw Pakt' existed already] was inspired by the World War II novel, Karol Cetinsky's "The House of Dolls". [In her book, the term "joy division" is used as slang for concentration camps where female inmates were forced to prostitute themselves for the Nazi soldiers].



The Joy Division was the corps of young women kept in the camp for the pleasure of Nazi officers on leave. Partly due to the name, Joy Division (and later New Order) often had problems with Nazi accusations spreading around in the press. These both puzzled and angered the band, and they did not wish to dignify them with a reply. Far from containing Nazi propaganda, their lyrics preach quite the contrary message. Many other punk bands used much more direct Nazi symbolism with much less press comment.

---

this documentary and the other bio-pic film "control" have truly put me in a very nostalgic state of my mind but then again i am always going back to the past so i guess it doesn't really take much.

whatever the case, anton corbijn's film about ian curtis heading joy division titled control was simply amazing, and the best replication of the band's story and history that i have ever seen have .

the british actor sam riley who portrayed the lead singer - ian curtis - of joy division did a tremendous job and was a worthy tribute to such a monumental band who represents an era of music i am particularly enamored with. he would have made ian proud, i think. i believe the actors in this film sang all the songs - it sounded and looked just like joy division. samantha morton, a great british actress known for independent film roles co-starred as well.

we loved 'control' so much we bought the control DVD for our collection last month at best buy.

below is a review i cut out from my fashion mag last year, scanned from my computer and uploaded on the net: