a quickie on the latest of things. jimmy is resigned i think if not crushed. karen wrote him back in regard to giving advice on the whole house hunting thing and if he should buy now or really wait.
she prefaced her email with " here is my advice although you may not really want to hear it"
i could not believe it but she said pretty much all that i've said to him, except with the professional terms used for real estate, business and financing/loans etc which i know little about. regardless of that fact, she pretty much emphasized and stressed what i had been trying to get him to see but he would not listen to me.
i did mention that a bit to him without rubbing it entirely in his face. i tried to be gentle. mainly i wanted him to see that i had said the same thing and he had not listened to me or given me any credit for what i had suggested. i kind of felt it vital he see that he had ignored what i had said solely because i had said it and he saw me as someone to fight, where as his own friend whom there is no tension or arguments with had just said the same thing as i.
i wanted him to be aware of the way he had shut me out and closed his ears to my thoughts/feelings, advice to him but that he did not treat others outside of our relationship that way. i think i made my point but i don't think he is aware why he did it. i think i am.
i think it's harder to separate yourself in a relationship especially when there is tension and stress going on b/t two people. it is easier to see or hear others advice when you are getting a point of view from outside of the relationship, however, i could tell that it was not a point of view he wanted to hear or swallow even if it was from sweet harmless Karen.
when he told me what she said, i could tell he didn't really want to accept it but the more we talked about it, the more he began to become resigned. he has a major hangup that his self worth, successfulness is tied to IF he can buy a home NOW. i feel its irrational and untrue. your self worth is not tied to buying something as superficial and material as a home.
sure it would be nice but if my self worth was tied to that, i'd want to kill myself because obviously i am on disability and have no kind of stability that even warrants me to be on my own, let alone to buy anything that big. i can't even work a normal job and haven't most of my life so like for me to survive, i cannot let my selfworth become tied to things like buying/owning homes and things beyond my means like that.
jimmy's mom for some reason has been calling more than ever now. almost everyday. and yes she asks him every time she calls, what's new, have we found a house to buy yet or when are we getting our house? she won't quit. his resolve to stand up to her has disappeared and faded completely as i suspected it would. she is like a broken record, its energy draining to try to change someone that has their own agenda and isnt ever going to change. she's stubborn and hard of hearing. i do not think she can change. she is bossy and controlling, critical, judgemental. its annoying but as long as i dont have to live with her or follow her rules, i am fine.
so anyway the other nite jimmy told his mother that we wouldnt be buying a home afterall and explained to her what karen had told him. she basically said if the bank disapproved you because your debt to ratio was too much, then it was wise that you not even get a home right now and that meant you really could not afford it and should wait, save money. she said it was not worth it to go with a lesser known bank for your mortgage and was very risky. she said you should only go with reputable well known banks for your financing and loan/mortgage etc.
[he had tried for a loan via the school he works for- his bank is via a teacher's credit union and this friend and her husband also go thru them and have gotten mortgage loans via them. that's why karen recommended he try suncoast]
She suggested what I had suggested quite a few times in the past few months but it fell on deaf ears when I bought it up while him and bitch real estate agent Yvette both looked at me like I was a dummy, and stated that was a waste of money when you could buy a place rather than throwing your money away to rent.
What they would not get was we are already throwing away our money in a shit hole and we don't know how long it will be til we can find a home we can afford to buy so while we are waiting it would NOT be wasting any money to rent a house rather than an apt.
Renting a house would give many of the benefits and features we were looking for in a home and get us out of an apt setting. But NO he would not hear of it and they reacted to me like my idea was just plain stupid and lacked common sense. So I shut up.
Funny how months down the road and at the final waking up point for Jimmy- someone outside of all this who has a trustworthy personality, and down to earth friendliness, no reason to guide him or steer him in the wrong direction- Karen- funny how she would point out something along the lines of what I had suggested to Jimmy more than once.
Karen suggested we try renting a home - possibly in st. pete- for a year to see how we like it in st. pete first of all and to also have time to save up to buy a home. She thought it the best advice she could offer. She also told Jimmy those FHA loans were not enough reason to buy a home right now or take such a risk without enough money saved for such a huge lifetime purchase.
[Btw, for those who dont know- FHA loan is a limited time loan given by the govt, for First Time Home Buyers, where the seller of the home will pay for 3 percent of the selling price of home and closing costs or something like that. They put money towards the home and the govt writes it off as a gift that goes to a charity organization or something like that. I think they did this because the housing market/foreclosure rate/and economy is so alarmingly horrible right now that they put that out there for incentive, to get people to buy while the housing market is down. I'm really bad at business oriented stuff like that so Ive explained it best I could. Based on all Ive heard from Jimmy, Yvette, and others inc. the news on business and economy related stuff in America.]
In any case, what Karen basically said to Jimmy in her letter about FHA was that if he was only buying because of FHA or that was his main incentive, then he shouldn't buy at all. It wasn't enough reason and worth it to make yourself poor. Also, she said if you don't have at least 10 percent [i am not sure of exact percentage but think its around that figure] to put down on the house and closing costs then you should not even be thinking of buying a home. It would be very unwise - in other words.
So when Jimmy told a summarized version to his mother the other nite, of what Karen had said, I could tell there were a bunch of dumbfounded WHY's and I could tell she wasn't buying it completely and was harping on him for not buying a home now, for not having one by now at his age of 37, for not measuring up. I do not know if she said those things to him or those exact words but I feel like that is what she makes Jimmy feel like- like he is behind from everyone his own age and everyone who is worth anything and that he is simply a failure without his own home. I'm sure she doesnt say those words to him or express herself that way but I can bet you that the sentences I've suggested above are ones she makes him feel like. I feel bad all around for him.
So, now Jimmy has switched to his next plan of action. We want to get out of this hellhole that has become very downhill ghetto and infested with bugs. We have tried spraying numerous times and we keep our place very clean. There is no reason why we should still have bugs but they won't go away and we think the entire building is corroded and if other tenants do not take care of their homes, than obviously they are going to keep inviting the bugs to nest and form more babies. We do want to get the fk out of here and both have come to loath our place here - mainly because of that fact and because the stairway and grounds around the place is disgusting and filthy- dirty, food on the ground. No one ever maintains the stairways, cleans the grounds or anything. I've never in my life lived in such a dirty place and I have lived places worst than this and cheaper than this so its the people who own it and the people they let live here. I cannot wait to get away from here! I have grown to despise it as much as Jimmy has. We make our own inside jokes to get thru it, of course.
So, we started looking at Craig's list. My only anxiety is I hope that he doesn't have the crazy idea of finding and renting a home before the wedding. Funny thing is I bet he does because it's his mother who keeps saying, wouldn't you like to have a place - a new place to come home to after your honeymoon and things such as- but where will u put all the wedding presents??? and on and on, things to make him stress over and worry about.
I think she is so OUT OF TOUCH and btw this is going to be a small wedding with a lot of distant relatives. I do not expect we will get many wedding presents let alone many big ones and his parents are frugal in gifting so I kind of feel like his mother is just creating unneccessary anxiety over things that aren't even relevant to our situation.
Anyway, so yes, we have begun looking at some homes in st. pete. We've glanced at some condos/townhomes also but I think he'd prefer to find a rental home before he'd opt for the townhome. I don't know ... it's all up in the air and Im sure we will delve more into looking at the want-ads in our price range [from 700 to 900 dollars a month, at very most 1000 which he said was a bit much for him but he could manage, he says. we pay under $800 right now but also pay for a storage unit which totals our rent and storage at around 850 a month.] Still, you aren't going to find a two bedroom/two full bathroom place as cheap as this apt anywhere. It is relatively cheap. That's why we opted to live here in the first place!
Anyway, these are some of the listings we were compelled to email to ourselves last nite and places we may go and visit in the near future, if he gets ahold of the person who ran the add that is.
Very nice!!!! 2 bed, 1&1/2 bath, St.Petersburg
Reply to: xxphongv@hotmail.comDate: 2008-08-06, 11:18PM
$955/month, 1 and 1/2 month security deposit.
*Very nice 2 bedroom, 1 & 1/2 bath house on a big corner lot.
*Also,an add on room that can be used as office, extra bedroom, game room, etc.. *Couple recently relocated to NYC for work.
*Lot's of new updates, privacy fence, master bath (luxury), recess lighting, ceiling fans and more....
*Lawn Maintenance included
*Washer/Dryer
Pet's are ok!
call Vicky at 727-541-2578 ex 121 or visit us http/:www.allcountyprop.com
4300 at 4th ave north google map yahoo map
Original URL: http://tampa.craigslist.org/pnl/apa/786354944.html
Tyrone Area-In Quiet Desirable Neighborhood
Reply to: hous-786747908@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-07, 10:40AM
2 Bedroom/1 bath- Hardwood Floors in LR,DR,2BR. Ceramic Tile in Kitchen, Ceiling Fans, Modern Kitchen with breakfast bar, Dining room with door leading out to beutiful backyard living space, One car garage, washer/dryer hookups, CHA. Great Neighborhood (located behind Toys R Us).Must See.Call 727-481-1077. Available September 1st.
6372 at 17 Terrace North google map yahoo map
- Location: St. Petersburg
- Charming HOUSE- Huge backyard
Reply to: hous-787381907@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-08-07, 5:45PM
2 bedrooms plus a bonus room- Available NOW!
Lovely wood and ceramic floors, coved ceiling, spacious family room.
Corner lot backs up to a small creek. The backyard deck is truly unique. Giant oaks, tropical plants create a relaxing atmosphere! Just a few minutes to get to downtown or the beach, a short bike ride to the Pinellas Trail.
Cat OK with a non-refundable deposit. Small dog only (under 25lbs) Dogs will be approved on a case-by-case basis. Maximum of 2 pets are allowed.
Move-in costs:
First month rent: $950
Security deposit: $750
Pet deposit: $175 per approved pet, non-refundable
Last month rent: $950 (can be broken into 3 payments)
We run both credit report and nationwide criminal background checks on all adult applicants. 12 months lease only. Please email me for more information.
5162 2nd Ave N google map yahoo map
- Location: St. Petersburg
