Things are hectic and busy. We are so tired lately. We have got a lot to do tonite in terms of wrapping up wedding stuff, hair appt tomorrow, and the need to clean.
My fiance's brother from Seattle is flying in on Tuesday and I found out a few days ago his parents decided to dump him on us and let him stay here.
Well-- the apartment is a HUGE fucking MESS due to being so busy and stressed out with our upcoming wedding lately and simply cannot be left "as is", not to mention I have got enough on my plate to prepare for and having a guest was the last thing I wanted, planned, or envisioned.
I am a bit annoyed but there is nothing I can do. My fiance's brother only stays one nite- Tuesday- but Jimmy is already planning our bar drinking outing with him Tuesday. nite. I don't really feel like going out or having extra things piled up on me next week when we have other things to get done before next Friday's wedding.
Wednesday is rehearsal dinner is at 6pm in Palm Harbor and we are picking up gown/tux that day prior to this while my fiance's bro jason tags along with us.
Thursday we have to drive to his parents for god knows why because they expect us to be there for Thanksgiving and well you know how long that drive is. Almost two FUCKING HOURS. It is not fun when you are a girl who has to pee every two minutes.
I feel like when we are planning for a wedding, for our BIG day..well it is just plain stupid, idiotic, and ridiculous to expect for us to go all the way out there but even if it wasnt expected, he would STILL want to go there because he is a momma's boy by all accounts.
If anyone in our families should have us at their Thanksgiving, it's my parents especially my mother who paid for the majority of this wedding, not his parents who complained and barely put one penny in this. Other than Rehearsal Dinner cost which they made sure to pick a cheap place since they don't eat out at expensive or average priced nice restaurants and getting an open bar- they havent put anything into this. My mother paid thousands and thousands for this wedding.
It is annoying because his parents could come out here for us this one year when they know we have so much to prepare for for our wedding the following day. I also feel like understanding families would accept and allow that maybe we might skip Thanksgiving get togethers this year so we could have enough rest and relaxation for our own actual wedding day.
You know, this IS exactly why i didn't want my wedding around a holiday especially Thanksgiving but it was his bright idea.
I don't like Thanksgiving food personally. I HATE turkey- find it boring. I hate stuffing even more, gravy and all the fatty foods. I don't revel in stuffing myself til I am sick.[but he does and so do they] and most of all I HATE football and that is ALL you can expect to find there. It is miserable being there and just the last place I wanted to go the nite before my wedding.
Sorry to complain but I feel like any other year I could have done it with a smile on my face but this year, we have a wedding right after and that is stressful and exhaustive enough!
I cannot say enough how i wanted to just be able to relax in my own private space at my home and do what I want when I want. That means, not having to go over someone's home least of all someone's home that entails four hours of driving- give or take- back and forth. That means NOT being stuck at some place that is in the middle of fucking nowhere, boring, and a place that is only about eating food, stuffing your face, and watching sports all day + night long while you lazily fall asleep.
The problem with these people is they don't do a variety of things or have much interest in anything deep or substantial. Their interests and activities are very one sided and since I am outnumbered by food and sport lovers - well you can guess where my interests stand. At the very bottom.
Besides sports or tv, there is no choice. They don't interact and when they do, it's to talk about family gossip, who is the latest trainwreck of the family (always the same people + characters which I never meet) and uninteresting unintelligent superficial things. The basis of all get-togethers tend to revolve around food, tv, and housework/laborous jobs that they've assigned and waited for Jimmy to do which I find rude, lazy, and insulting to him. He clearly is the apple of their eye but not without cost and he rarely stands up to them. I feel both sorry for him and annoyed at them, also annoyed that he doesn't assert himself and allows himself to be taken for granted. The tv + gluttony of food bores me more than I can say. Most irritating is that they dont watch anything but football on Thanksgiving or even take turns thinking maybe some people would like to watch something they might actually enjoy since they are "your guest". But since I am in the minority, what I feel really doesn't count at all.
I always end up sleeping. They think I'm lazy but it's that I am bored being there and I don't want to be there. Sleep just makes the unbearable time there go faster. Simple as that but they don't really get it.
Btw, I cannot read or even enjoy glancing at my magazines [I have tried] with their loud sports on. I can't concentrate on anything. It is usually so LOUD and drives me mad. It always gives me a headache and I can't focus on doing anything because it irritates me so much.
The far drive is not fun to me- it's torture. It is not fun to me to get up early either just for his family and football. I would prefer to stay home but don't have a choice in the matter. I just think it's very annoying that we have to go out there the day before my wedding.
I really think I need my energy for the wedding and I really would like to just relax at home doing what I want and not being stuck with headache inducing football all day. That is so boring to me!Then the day after wedding we have two days before we go on our honeymoon to Jamaica and have to catch a plane, flight, at around 4 or 5am in the morning on Monday! So, technically that will be late Sunday since I normally don't go to bed til after four am anyway.
I am a little annoyed that Jimmy is already setting up multiple plans for us to get together with people on both those days. I think after the wedding, I would want to sleep in and not be around anyone. He is insisting we have to have lunch with his parents Saturday- the day after the wedding.
I said "well then drop me off at home. I want to go home. I'm not meeting anyone for lunch. I just want to relax, maybe I might want to go back to sleep."
I remember my last wedding, how tired I was and how I slept in in the hotel and how nice it was me and my new husband spent the day completely alone with each other, having dinner together, and going shopping at borders- might I add again- that we were ALONE. Without his family or friends expecting us to meet up. It was NICE and what it should be like.
It was special because we were fucking ALONE and able to revel in that we were now husband and wife, show the world NOT having a bunch of family + friends tagging along like my fiance seems to think I should want.
Getting married is a celebration of two people, the couple, not his whole fucking family and friends. That is what the wedding day is FOR!
I'm sorry to sound like a bitch but I think his idea of what our weekend should be like after our big wedding day, before going on honeymoon is completely NOT my vision of things, not logical and not what most people do or even WANT to do, after!!! It is SO beyond me, I feel like I could explode.
I just think its fucking ridiculous. We are seeing his entire family at the rehearsal dinner nite Wednesday, spending all of Thanksgiving at his parents home with all of their relatives and both his siblings! And then, the wedding Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, next week---- isnt that enough?
It makes absolutely NO sense to me!!!!
I think he is going to make plans to have other lunch dinner dates with his brothers in addition to this, that I am OBLIGATED to go to, as well as his friend Colleen in from chicago the weekend after we marry...and, god knows who else of his family.
I really planned on relaxing and packing before we went on our honeymoon and not doing a thing. I think it's logical most people want to be AWAY from people after a big wedding and just relax, especially before going to a tropical honeymoon. But not him.
He just doesn't get it. It's like the complete opposite of what it should be. As if after a wedding, this means spending even more time with OTHER people.
To me, wedding= alone time for the couple.
We are SO different in this it's not even funny.
I think there is going to be a fight if he persists on us doing all kind of social dates with his family and friends the entire weekend before we leave on our honeymoon to Jamaica and I know exactly what he will do.
The thing that really sets me off, is his ability to leave out things, lack of disclosure with me which is subtlely passive aggressive/ semi manipulative behavior which I simply cannot stand. He has a habit of not consulting with me when it comes to his family and the plans I am obligated to do with him for them.
I know how he works. J. will make the plans and dates without telling me because he expects me to go and probably knows I will say "No" - so he thinks by making the plan without me, he can force me into going or make it where I am unable to say no. I do not have a say in the plans he makes because he doesn't believe he needs to consult with me. I sensed that last nite when he accidentally let out he had already set a lunch date with his parents the day after our wedding.
What the FUCK!??
I mean, not only do I not want to do this. But, their idea of lunch is 11am.
My idea of lunch is like 3pm or later so I can sleep in past NOON on a normal day where I am not out late the nite before or at my own formal wedding the nite before!!! WTF?
Not just this, but I like a few hours to wake up before I go out anywhere in public or meet up with people. But being that I will be emotionally and physically exhausted the day after a formal wedding that is mine, is it really so strange that I might actually need more time to sleep in, rest, relax and just lounge around doing nothing for my day?!
In all honesty, I am not even AWAKE at noon, it takes me a few hrs to wake up and I need gradual time. I am not a day, morning person. I never have been. I cannot change who I am and I don't really care what people or his family think. If they think I am abnormal well then that is their problem and in fact maybe I am abnormal but I also don't think there is any thing wrong with being "different". Not everyone is alike and we are not ALL f-ing robots, followers.
Last nite when he just dropped the comment that we would be having lunch with his parents the day after our wedding nite, I was like - "are you fucking kidding me?!! You've got to be fucking kidding. I'm not doing that!"
I could tell by the way he mentioned it that he had already made the plan with them behind my back. This fully angered me because he had made the decision for me without my knowledge, and ASSUMED we would just meet his parents for lunch without consulting me about HOW I felt or even asking me what I wanted to do- or if this would be okay with me. It is not OK. it certainly is NOT.
I had a mini blow up on him. I got angry and I am sure he felt this but I am not so sure he got it or understood where I was coming from. I let it go because there was no point in going on about it. I stated how I felt and when it comes up again, my feelings will be made known. If he chooses to ignore what I already stated and that I will not do this on the day after our wedding, then he is asking for a fight. My anger last nite was restrained but there will be more to come if he keeps pushing me past my limit.
I know why he didn't ask. It is because he thinks it is my duty and he plans to do it or make me do it no matter how I feel. This is why I am pissed OFF. I don't like being controlled or treated like I am below someone. I feel in coupleship you consult with each other and do what each other wants, not what only ONE person wants and at the very worst, you find a compromise but you don't just make decisions like this without consulting the other person. It is wrong and it is definitely not how one acts in a marriage or even a serious live-in relationship.
His making this lunch date with his parents without taking my feelings into consideration is hardly fair and I think its strange not to mention weird that the day after our wedding after we get out of our first nite together in our hotel alone, his fucking parents have to see us before they go back home...HUH?????
My parents are nothing like that. Thank GOD. Because they respect the day after is for the couple to recuperate and be together for the first day of their new and special lives. Its not special if i have to share it, our first real day together with a HOST of all his family and friends. This is just unacceptable to me and unromantic.
In any case, i think he is going to try to stick me with a whole bunch of crap after the wedding, and cram it in sat. and sun. before our departure to jamaica early sun. morning. Even though I have already repeatedly warned him to "not cram in a whole bunch of social outings after the wedding and before we leave for our honeymoon".
I have not stated this to him yet in FULL but I think he knows it deep down. He is just trying to ignore what he knows of me and hoping I will kiss everyone's ass and do what they want me to do . NOPE.
If I am exhausted, I don't care who you are, I am not going to do it. I am not going to wear myself out right before we are leaving to our honeymoon so I can be sick for our vacation and unable to enjoy our time!! No thank you!!
This will NOT fly with me.
There will be a fight if I am pushed past my limit and he already pushed me past my limit by saying we have to go a few hrs out of our way just to spend the entire thanksgiving day and nite out of town with his parents, the day before our wedding.
The lunch date with his parents is way PAST my limit. He can go out with them without me. He is going to try to rope me in though because the hotel is in Clearwater and we live in another city forty mins away. I am going to fight this though but I have a feeling he may win.
If I am forced, it will show in my attitude there. I resent being forced and I resent that he is so inconsiderate of my feelings and what I want. I don't even eat lunch on most days. This is hardly a treat for me not to mention they have horrible taste in food and are cheap.
I'm not going to write further on this cos i will just get pissed and worked up over it - I think its best to opt for NO NOTES. Those will just add to working me up even more and trigger more anger and frustration.
I don't want any words that accelerate already rising anger and irritation and I certainly want to avoid things that will only increase my anxiety and emotional outbursts right before my wedding as I want this to be a happy thing for the two of us in the end.
I just feel irritated at these new revelations. I KNEW he would try to pull this on me but had hinted several times over the past several mos I want to be alone before our honeymoon and not have a lot of social outings, and have time to pack and get ready to leave, not be tied down with social plans.
I thought he knew me well enough but sometimes I feel like he simply ignores what he knows because all he cares about is getting his way and doing things how he wants them regardless of how I feel. It pisses me off more than anything in the world.
I also will be getting my period either the day before, day of, or day after my wedding- based on my monthly period outcome in past year. This sucks as you know I am not in the best mood during this and I frequently have intensified emotion [and i am already bipolar so i already cannot manage emotions in general] with angry blow ups, sometimes involving rage and screaming rants, crying hysterically when upset, extreme irritation, moodswings, feeling crappy crampy totally agitated-- etc.
I didn't really want the wedding on this weekend because I knew it would be my time of month and I would have my period but Jimmy insisted you could not plan a wedding around a period. I BEG TO DIFFER. Turns out I was RIGHT. I could have easily planned the date so it wasn't during my period only this was the only weekend in Nov. he would allow us to have a formal wedding. He controlled the date we chose.
I wanted our wedding to be in the month of November and in my opinion, there was absolutely no reason why it couldn't have been the weekend before or the weekend after my birthday so as not to conflict with holidays and such. But he had to have his way. It irritates me deeply.
Last month I got my period in b/t the 28th + 29th sometime in the middle of nite. Our wedding is on the 28th of this month by the way! That means I am guaranteed to have my period either that day or that nite because my body has been pretty consistent this past year and I've watched it closely paying attention to the date from month to month. It has never really wavered, usually if it's off, it was only a day or two where it came earlier than the projected average date. Getting it earlier isn't helpful to me though since I have it for at least five days and the first three days are always heavy bloody and painful- at times I cannot eat and if I do, I am in the bathroom with diarrhea all nite. This is what I wanted to avoid. I just hope my stomach cooperates with me. If it is bad, I probably will not be eating or eating much of anything to stay safe and keep from getting sick. Sorry for the graphic visual but it's the truth and I so dread this and worry it will ruin the wedding day!!!
The time my period starts is NEVER predictable. It can be out of the blue, while I am asleep, while I am out in public. I simply cannot predict. This makes me a lot more stressed than I can express and anxious because I am going to be wearing a beautiful Ivory formal gown and I fear getting my period, not knowing and finding I have blood all over me or something. I have worried over this the entire year but tried to push it away. But, now it is getting closer, and I am worrying over this more than ever!
Anyway- end of rant. This is what i have to look forward to, might as well get all complaining out NOW. So I can move ahead and cope with the upcoming stress in the best way [if it exists] possible!
Edit:
I was so worked up when I wrote this that I forgot to make it 'no notes' so I wouldn't get any. Well now its too late. and I already got one note from a favorite whom I completely agree with.
She wrote this and I thought I would share it, so I could further add to one aspect she covered and since I am in complete total agreement with her:
I would have to agree with you on wanting the day after the wedding to rcuperate. Sorry to sound crude, but I always imagined the day after the wedding to be full of lie ins, relaxation and wonderful loving, romantic married sex. I really would not expect the day after a wedding to make plans to visit the inlaws, especially if you are seeing them the day before the wedding anyway.x [B_Flodhast]
I agree it should be an alone day after the wedding with lots of rest, relaxation and sex but I forgot to mention that my fiance isn't all that much into sex and I am always having to ask for 'sex' just to get any, so I guess our priorities in that are different.
I will be lucky if I get sex on our wedding nite and yes even if I hate that I have to remind him for sex or have to even ask, I will ask if that is what I have to do. It's frustrating but what can I do, I am with someone who feels like sex is not that important and has a low libido while my sexual intensity + drive is like that of a man. I don't mean to be insulting but his sexual libido is truly like that of a woman who never wants to have sex and tries to avoid or make excuses not to have it. Not only does that anger, upset, and frustrate me but it deeply hurts and feels damaging to my sense of self esteem and ability to feel someone I love actually desires me and wants me.
It is an issue we've had thru the majority of the relationship while living together that has not really changed all that much. I've done what I can to get his interest and to express my needs thru expressing feelings, sharing articles, and getting a book. But nothing really works and I've become resigned to the fact that I will just never get sex as much as I want and that I will always have to ask him or hint that I want sex in order to get it.
Also so you know, him saying yes is dependent on if his stomach is ok since he doesn't have a gallbladder and is on medication for GERD heartburn, if he hasn't had a hard day at work [but most of the time its a hard day at work], if he doesn't have a headache, if all his shows aren't on that nite, if we are alone and not at his parents or anyone else's house, if he isn't tired which he always is. If he can stay awake til midnite which he often cannot. There are so many IF's and limitations that most of the time, it is a No-GO and I get the short end of the stick.
Because I love him, I try to get past this but it sure is frustrating and deflating to any sense of self esteem or desirability factor. I often feel like I am just not good enough, beautiful enough, or sexy enough.
I mainly wrote all this out to vent. Nothing is perfect because we are all human, so we all have our flaws. I just wish sometimes my fiance could see my side of things and see some of the notes I get from favorites here which often make me feel validated and understood, not to mention make me feel my feelings and thoughts are rational. While he often makes me think how I feel is irrational, abnormal and wrong.
Things are just stressful right now with things moving closer and it is high-stress stuff that puts me on edge. It cannot be avoided because I am bipolar but I am doing the best I can. I am venting here so I don't ruin our wedding day.
Sigh :(
