(soul.blue.print.): Full Speed Ahead (thank god for manic energy!)

Like i think everyone is aware of, my life is so unbelievably packed right now with wedding deadlines and an upcoming formal wedding around the corner not to mention that honeymoon we are taking toJamaica only a day or two after our wedding- my mind is completely fragmented + ABSOLUTELY CONSUMED with all of this- SO MUCH SO that I have not enough time, energy, and steam to do much else other than getting this wedding organized and making sure we cover every aspect so as to insure there are no mistakes or fuck ups that would ensure a miserable or otherwise stressful day.

I don't like things being done last minute, or not having any order esp when the pressure is totally ON. In order to cope and survive the stress of big events like this even IF happy, I need things to be organized and tackled in an orderly fashion w/o procrastination. I am so fixated on all this that my mind is forgetful, and Ive put off other things in life by the wayside that I did not mean to.

I need to make my brother allister in Cali a mix cd for his bday last month and send him the card I got him over a month ago. but have been so busy, I keep procrastinating and it keeps slipping my mind.

Must work on this tonite, I feel so bad. Ive just been really overwhelmed with TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE!!! That's prob why at J's work I ended up really trashed on vodka mixed drinks at the happy hr party his coworkers had for the two of us.

Oh I had a great time, I was a little bit too outgoing I think LOL that is I couldn't stop talking and I was pretty manic, life of party personality and think my energy could be felt from miles away. J ended up in separate convos cos I got so immersed in one particular one I was having and he was laughing at me later.

It was way more fun than I had anticipated [typically i hate social events - but if i click with others and have enough alcohol, my mood swings to happy, electrified high energy kind of girl. that is what i was this nite.]

As said last nite, will write on this later tonite or in week. Truly only had a few hrs of sleep today and have wasted half my day cleaning at home and trying to organize our list of wedding tasks and deadlines for this week. that took me several hrs. will write more later. got a few hrs before fiance gets home from work and have some stuff I must attend to which means I need to get offline. will catch up soon, promise! :)

I have so much to do, YES there are deadlines when a wedding is only a few wks, more SO than a few months ago actually and it is OVERWHELMING + I have more trouble coping with overwhelm than the NORMAL person and being manic makes it unbelievably hard to focus, stay centered, and to not wander, get distracted or lose track. I feel pretty scattered with so much in my mind and heart. a mixture of consuming feeling, worry, obsession, anxiety, [no time for depression- thank god!], excitement, anticipation, nostalgia, and growing feeling of closeness and bonding b/t jimmy and i thru this process and utter content [happiness and fulfillment.]

Can u tell i LOVE adjectives and emotions! lol

I think it is going to be a beautiful wedding and the emotions are going to sweep me off my feet.

A few recent self portrait pix I took of myself on my 37th bday on November 1st although I have a series of pix from that evening at a new outdoor mall where I dressed up and also took some couple shots with my fiance.

I thought to share a few of my most recent close up shots because I think I do look different. If I look back to pix from July/August, I think I look more bloated. I feel I look healthier although u can tell I am getting wrinkles around my mouth and I do agonize over seeing this in my pix which is only something Ive recognized in the past few yrs prob due to my real age, smoking, stress, and frowning/getting angry and crying too much in the past!!

I wear my glasses I got earlier this yr, the modern semi-cat shape style librarian mod look/style ones designed by Ralph Lauren. They are beautiful quality glasses but I confess that I really hate the glasses look on myself, but guess I look as good as I can for wearing them.

I prefer contacts all the time but allergies simply dont allow me to wear contacts much anymore so I am stuck with glasses 99 percent of the time. I did buy some new sephora makeup recently so Ive been experimenting with new looks :)

And NOW for something completely different--

NOW, this is what I call creative. I was completely thrilled with this oh so cool message that I found on flickr's blog. Here is the message they put together, found it so awesome!

Why couldn't I be this creative? Luv this message

November 6, 2008