one step closer to unity + marriage-

[written november 7, 2008]

By the way, getting our marriage license was really special. I will always remember November 7, 2008 the day we technically signed for our license and took our court vow!

It feels magical since i love november and 7 is my favorite number in the entire world. there was a cute couple next to us - probably close to our age, the guy seemed foreign and I couldn't place his accent and wondered if it was european- than later Jimmy told me they were Israeli and I'd have never guessed. I am not so good at determining the more exotic nationalities I suppose and suck at recognizing distinct accents. I know, I know... I am not very educated when knowing what accent is which.

Anyway, my fiance turned to them to say congratulations. the male said thank you apparently touched and the woman smiled at the two of us and said, the same wishes to you. Both had this very indie college like feel to them, people that looked like we would have a lot in common with them in terms of art, film, music and hip things such as that. It was pretty cool and neat!

The guy had been laughing with the person filling out the marriage license as he wasn't sure if he should put down caucasian or not, i am not sure now why he said this. maybe he didn't know what it meant? he did have a strong accent but on first glance, [quick] i actually thought he was german or belgian, something european and not very dark in color either, more fair skinned. It was amusing, and everyone laughed including us.

Recently - Jimmy asked if I put down caucasian or white for my race as I am mixed and I was completely shocked of that question as ever since a child, teenager and college student, I was always told to put down white or caucasian. In fact on early documents as a baby or child, that is what my parents recorded me as. Even though my mother is from the Philippines and I am half filipino [my father is white/ caucasian by the way for those unaware or new to my diary :) ]

But in this day and age where ethicity - even mixed ethnicity- is so common and there is a need to express our origins- there are so many different things you could put and I am always overwhelmed and confused by it all.

Because I was born in America and because I was raised 'white' and perceived 'white' for much of my life, by parents, by society, by school, by peers, by everyone. I sometimes feel as though I don't fit in anywhere. There is no box to check off, yes my father is white and american but my mother is filipino originating from another country but has also been a US citizen all of my life and so she is truly americanized, so Americanized that sometimes I forget that she wasn't born here!

I feel like there really is no box for people who are mixed and raised american. It's like you are either fully ethnic or fully american/white- I feel like there's no inbetween, too many areas of gray. They need to change things, those little boxes for those of us who fall in between the lines!


So anyway, after completing our marriage license papers, signing all of them and taking our marriage oath with person administering our license, we walked out feeling new and special and closer than before.


We held hands as we left the office and kissed each other down the long empty hallway, feeling giddy and happy. I joked with jimmy that now we are legally husband and wife. Jimmy put his arm around me saying i am finally a "his last name". and i said, yes and smiled. And, now I am your wife and you are my husband- my turtle, my stone, my solid rock to hold on to forever. and then I kissed him and held him tight. We exchanged 'I love you's' right then.

It was a tender moment and a romantic time that I will NEVER forget.