Four Green Fields.

this was written on 11.07.08

The coworker get-together bash for the two of us was held only blocks from the private University my fiance works at, at a little Irish pub and restaurant known as Four Green Fields.

I ended up drinking and getting a bit too drunk- after 1 and a half drinks [screwdriver]- the coworkers were laughing at me because I was drunk with hardly any alcohol in my system and I ended up having to get Jimmy to ask everyone around us if they had a piece of gum to spare before I passed out. They were laughing with me.

I laughed expressing if I do not smoke while drinking, I cannot handle my liquor very well. All around, I had an absolutely delightful time and it was great fun. Jimmy's worries were quickly put to rest. He had asked me earlier in the week if I was going to make effort to talk and socialize with the others. I said, yeah, if we have something in common LOL

Well, turns out I had absolutely no trouble socializing and this was one of those nite where my manic personality took over. It's hard to explain but when mentally stimulated with deep and fulfilling conversation, I become very extroverted and any shyness flies out the door and drinking increases this heavily.

If you didn't know me, (and only knew me via my words via blog/email) you would never ever guess that I am an extremely shy person frightened and panicked by the prospect of socializing and one who seeks to go to great lengths to avoid social situations which at times makes it seem as though I am excessively antisocial and isolated. I frequently cling to avoidant behavior when it comes to socializing in fact.

The strangest thing is that I have two different personalities, and can swing from social to antisocial depending on mood. There is usually no rhyme or reason. The right vibe, atmosphere, feeling of connection with others can produce the opposite personality [highly social, non stop talking, exuding vibrance and bursting with joy - easily amused, entertained and also perceived by others as very likeable and charismatic]

It is the opposite of what I seem to project to the world on a daily basis, more often than not. The duality and contradiction in this is still something I am not able to entirely grasp or understand at this point in my life.

I had a great venting session with those around [more on this later] as everyone there was for Obama and thrilled that he was elected and were all actually very supportive of me when I shared my upset that day [in regard to being attacked over my support of Obama from fellow Mccain supporters "online" by an ignorant stranger calling himself OLD HIPPIE]

So, I found an outlet and a way to get it out [as I was highly tense, agitated and stressed over these people's comments on viewpoints] although I feel a bit embarrassed I went on and on about it. To a point of excessive ranting but I felt the person I was speaking to truly understood my frustration, why I was so upset and how I felt attacked, and at the core totally misunderstood by these random strangers who were positively some of the most ignorant people I have encountered but not unlike all those mccain supporters who showed true disrespect towards Mccain when he made his concession by loudly booing and showing what sore pathetic losers they all were.

Anyway, the site this verbal altercation occurred on was 'viewpoints' and i quickly wrote head of site to take down my profile and all my writing promptly as i wanted to permanently cancel my existence/membership there and felt the site was slanted to the conservative side and not very open to liberal ideas and suddenly felt like i was in some cult. when you think of the net, viewpoints on film/music, i would think it highly likely that there would be many liberal minded people and at very least a balance of both sides but every where i turned i started to notice conservative extreme republican- one after the other and very ignorant minded, judgemental. This situation had me SO worked up and tho it is only a website, it bothered me deeply. the person totally attacked me for writing an inspiring piece on the election and made fun of my ideals/beliefs. I still feel upset over it, but I will somehow get over it, I guess. I won't be writing there anymore I guess. It's too bad, but I cant really afford the anxiety right now, right before our wedding.

I hit it off really well right off the bat with one of the guys at the Irish pub co-worker party whom Jimmy works with who is a great deal older than us, and shared with me that his wife was a mixture of many ethncities including the fact that her mother was Japanese [it made me think of myself since I am half filipino].

His name was John and he was white and works in the IT department at Jimmy's work. He was maybe ten yrs or more older than I was but we got along really well as we shared similar love of film [magnolia, vanilla sky, matchpoint] and political views as well. He also had very similar taste in film directors as my fiance so that was another common thread since I am very influenced by my fiance's most inspiring film makers. These are Woody Allen and Stanley Kubric.

That was a great convo that went on for a few hours. I don't know because I got so caught up in it all that I lost track of time as i always do when I get immersed into anything. Its almost like my mania and obsession with whatever I am immersed in comes out full fledged and completely takes over me. I cannot control it.

My excitement, enthusiasm, and vibrance are all accelerated the more I talk and the more I share and the more I connect with someone else outside of my actual daily life. I thrive on this kind of mental stimulation to the highest intensity.

I think my fiance was shocked [as well as everyone there, there were about 15 or so there] at the amount I talked. I was nonstop and felt there was just NOT enough time to talk about everything that interests and consumes me and could have gone on all nite to any one that would have listened or contributed to the conversation at hand. There was never a silent moment, and I never ran out of things to say as I usually never do when I am at this point of stimulated and deep conversation with someone new.

When I drink and I click with someone, the conversation possiblities are endless. I could talk all nite and I become hyper like the way a little child does when they've been running around playing in the park or at the playground. Just completely giddy with life. I can't help it but I love that aspect of my personality and most people respond positively to my energy because it is just contagious.

I think I talked everyone out of the bar that nite. and we were the last ones to leave at after 8pm because everybody had to get going and I probably wore them out [well maybe not, but u know, im quite an exuberant personality when in the right frame of mind] LOL..

Unfortunately we were so busy having fun, I didn't even have the opportunity to get any pix which is SO unusual for me esp since I always have my camera on me and since no one else took pix and I was having too much fun, life of the party, distracted by the noisy bar at happy hour. I hardly had time to think let alone remember to record the event for keepsaking memory sake!

Oh well :( I suppose I'd rather have had a fun stimulating experience then a bunch of pix because I was too bored or uncomfortable to socialize or get anyone at a party that was held in honor of us!

[pic of flyer sent to coworkers from Jimmy for us]