the system is a mess.

mazy \MAY-zee\, adjective:
Resembling a maze in form or complexity; winding; intricate; confusing; perplexing.

my dr appt today was long and frustrating and anger-inducing. i felt fully stressed by the end when i was told i had to make three appts right then - one for xray, two for lab work and three for a follow up with dr on the tests aforementioned.

the area is ghetto particularly surrounding areas which look rough, debilitated and run-down. and it is far from where i live, unfamiliar territory. taking a bus, public bus, would be way too anxiety provoking. taking a cab would be a step up but also extra anxiety provoking due to the fact it is a stranger, i dont trust easily and am scared of men, and i don't know the area i am going to. it makes me feel vulnerable and scared, overwhelmed.

in addition to the three appts i had to make, i was told i would have 3 referrals for 3 separate appts on top of the ones made that i needed to go to and make once i received their letter in the mail. these are for: diagnostic clinic for pulmonary test in spirometry, gynecologist and psychiatrist. all of these appts must be done in two mos. that is impossible to me and i do not have the tolerance or energy for all that. i barely have it for one appt a month. how am i gonna handle six? its f***ing ridiculous.

i got very upset. i hate this screwed up/ welfare system. i feel if my disability offered a better choice of primary care physicians and i wasn't stuck with a clinic that mostly specializes in treating welfare and homeless cases, then maybe i might get better, more specialized care that consolidates appts and makes things convenient.

what if i had a professional job? i mean how do these people expect you to hold a job with that many appts? it makes no sense and seems to be a no-win situation. i cannot wait til i am married. i will be getting on my fiance's health insurance so that i have decent and unwelfare like coverage. i am sick of the second rate treatment bullshit. i deserve decent health coverage and help just like anyone else in this world.

i also was so upset this day, that i accidentally kicked the coffee table. right away the side of my foot where veins are, became green-blue and significantly raised/swollen then bruised. i had to put on an ice pack with towel for two hrs. it really hurt.

i do not know why i bruise so easily but in the past i have been checked for this and came up with nothing. i wasn't anemic or anything and nothing was abnormal in my blood. maybe they will check again when i go back for the labwork/blood tests etc next week.