Then Saturday, we went and looked at homes and after seeing the major difference in what we can afford, it was downright mostly disappointing and depressing. I was drained after it all and had a bit of argument since I was the one stuck in the backseat with barely any air conditioning while the two of them [real estate agent yvette and jimmy] were up in front nice and cool.
I started to feel sick because it was too hot back there and we spent several hours driving, stopping and looking at About ten homes. Not once was I offered a front seat and actually every time we've looked - I have been in the backseat forgotten and it's as if I am not even really there while the two of them carry on a convo but only make minimal attempts to include me in it. I often wonder why I am there since it seems as if it is the two of them looking and me just in the background -nonexistant.
We were in Yvette's small sporty mercedes car and it was about 97 degrees in florida that day. In any case, I blew up and both of them acted like I was making a big deal of nothing or overreacting. I felt like screaming why don't you switch places and sit back here then maybe you would lose your smug attitude because you have no idea - I was dying and sweating.
I began to feel extremely nauseaus, from heat dehydration, not eating and being in there for hours and developed a mjaor migraine headache. I had a drink and some excedrin which I took in the backseat but I increasingly began to feel sick because of the heat and both of them were oblvious because they were not hot, they were nice and cool in front in fact complaining of being too cold.
By the time we got home, I had spent hrs on the couch trying to get rid of nauseaus stomach and pounding headache and drained heat exhaustion feeling. I had to take a nap for a few hrs before I could even feel better and I was upset about the whole day on the whole and irritated.
She, the realestate lady, made a sarcastic joke to me which nearly made me explode at her but I kept it in because I didn't want to attack her. She said laughing, "maybe we should switch and you can do the driving instead" She was the one driving and knows full well I don't drive so it was sarcastic. She knows I do not have a driver's license let alone do I even know how to drive. She was being rude. Most of that day was ruined by this incident.
We got pix of some of the homes but other than two, that were acceptable and nice, I was none too excited about most of it. We are putting in bids today and I will post pix another time when I know more about what is going on, if its serious, if we have a chance and when I regain my energy from that stress inducing experience. I am still drained from Saturday and emotionally zapped.
I don't want to share pix about the homes bid on until I know things are more final as I'm still irritated about the wasted time since the things I posted in the last few mos are now VOID since they were removed from our list due to being unable to afford any of them because our incompetent real estate agent ditz didn't inform us or lay out any guideline instead she took us to places out of our range. It's not because she was doing it on purpose to waste time, it is because she is a bit of a ditz and not the smartest real estate agent to be blunt. In my opinion- she is not competent or very good at her job based on our last few appts with her and its obvious to me she needs some classes to brush up on her skills and facts.
Btw she also informed us nonchalantly on saturday that the one in sand key lane [6009 street address] was taken off the market because the woman is very pregnant and about to give birth and just didn't want to have to deal with selling a home right now or anything, I guess.
Anyway, so that was our weekend. and we've got a busy week this one. I need to start cleaning right now in fact. I feel my week is going to be overly packed and hope I can handle it.
Mini idea of what is going on this week and other upcoming things that are pertinent:
-June 9th- clean apt
-June10th- Shell's seafood dinner - Shell's restaurant and the ALS foundation is holding a dinner to honor my fiance's father who is struggling and has been suffering from ALS for some time now, maybe about ten years. Most don't live as long as he has. He is lucky he is still alive but he has major problems and in my opinion has become worst. Last week he fell, you lose control of your motor skills. and Jimmy's mom had to take the dad to the ER. He got seven stitches in his head for it. I can't even imagine how hard this is for his mom and dad. It makes me feel so bad for them both.
-June 11th- we are seeing The Cure in concert wed. evening at the st. pete times forum center!!
-June 12th- driving halfway to meet my fiance's parents [about forty minutes. halfway to their home is about forty mins which is long enough to me], to pick up Gage, my fiance's 18 year old nephew who is in town for a week or two now and flew in from IL last week. We are having dinner with them at some italian restaurant and then getting him on thurs. nite. He will spend the nite. Then, Friday Jimmy is taking his nephew to possibly universal studios islands of adventures or some theme park in Orlando with rides. I'm not going cos its not my cup of tea LOL
I hate roller coasters, fast rides, scary rides. any rough rides LOL... I only like rides that are like for babies or little kids like the carousel or ferris wheel or a very basic "kid friendly" roller coaster that doesn't go to dangerously sideways or anywhere that would feel like or be "upside down." In general, any wild rides will cause my heart to race, palpitate, and cause a panic or asthma attack. The anxiety is unbearable and the way I feel on those rides, scared, dizzy, nauseaus w/ a headache afterwards will never be worth it for me to suffer thru.
Jimmy loves these rides and I think he thinks its strange I dont like amusement parks or rides. Once in the past, he had tried to get me to try some fast race car ride (at Epcot) and I felt so pressured by him that when we got up to it, I was having an anxiety and asthma attack and ran off - told him forget it - and that I would not be going on that, and as far as I was concerned, he could go by himself. I was angry cos he had been pushing me and saying even little kids and little girls were going on these rides therefore if they could, I could too. etc etc. He pretty much diminished the way I felt. Whatever. I made sure to let him know that night how unvalidated he made me feel and how wrong I felt he was. I mean, if I say something causes me anxiety, panic, and I can't breathe, then It DOES. I dont care how f***ing old I am or if a little kid can go on w/o any fear, sickness or anxiety. Just because a kid can do what I cannot do (and likes it) doesn't mean that my feelings are not real and doesn't mean I have to make myself like something I do not like. It doesn't and should not make my feelings any less credible and it certainly doesn't mean how I feel should go by unvalidated. He learned big time after this incident last year.
I get frustrated sometimes because I feel that J. doesn't easily see other people's viewpoints aside from his own. In other words if he loves a certain food that I hate, then its irrational to him why I hate it. Same goes for if I hate fast scary rides, it's hard for him to understand why - it is as if he feels that I haven't given something enough of a chance or tried hard enough. I get very frustrated and angry whenever I feel him insinuating this about anything I tell him i dislike [be it food, film, scary rides or whatever my personal tastes or dislikes in life]
Anyway, my fiance is having his nephew Gage spend the nite thursday. I hope it goes ok since he is so shy , quiet and I wouldn't know what to talk about or do. Also I am accustomed to being able to watch tv late after two am in the living room, go out there to smoke if i want or on my computer if bored or cant sleep but with him staying here, I won't be able to do any of those things and will prob be trapped in our bedroom all nite by midnite which sucks. I don't like feeling caged in my own place and since he is sleeping on our couch in the living room and its an open room, its like you can't go to the kitchen, office, patio or living room w/out disturbing the person sleeping there.
Then friday- June 13th they are going to some Orlando theme park like universal studios. I opted to stay home as it would be useless for me to go since I hate all rides. Also I hate lines, loud people in crowds and most of all I hate hot weather and standing in it for hours. That is what it will be like from what I can recall and I would much rather not have to go, so I'm not. Plus, it is expensive and not worth it to go if you aren't going to participate. I don't know when they will get home, maybe that nite and Gage will spend the nite one more nite and stay part of saturday so as I said it will be a busy week without much privacy. I dont really look forward to that aspect but hopefully it will be good.
I have a lot of dr. oriented appts upcoming and that in itself will be draining, I think. Plus, we still have so much to do with our upcoming wedding which we havent done yet [find and order invitations/ choose groomswear/ hire florist/ choose and order our wedding cake at alessi bakery/ find and contract with photographer/ choose songs we want at reception/wedding, find pianist to play bride entrance to before vows, wedding song theme down the aisle and prob something else I forgot!
I also need to hire a hairstylist at a salon for updo and wedding makeup, need to have eyebrows tweezed/waxed to shape. So much to do!! In addition..I need to find shoes and undergarments/lingerie for the strapless wedding gown so the dress will look right on me and fitted and also need alterations for the wedding gown itself.
Anyway doctor oriented appts I have in the next month are as follows below:
~June 20th filling at dentist appt
~June 27th first appt with new primary care physician doctor in tampa, need advair refill for asthma
~July 11th psychiatrist- first time appt for bipolar disorder. need refill of ativan [tranquilizer], possibly consider options for a low dose mood stabilizer such as depakote. possibly but still very hesitant.
Anyway, that is all for now. i will update as new things occur. Right now, I have some house work I have to start on before our house guest comes this week and too much to do to get ready in general LOL !
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We saw "I'm Not There" over the weekend. it was artistic in part but some of it we didn't get really because it kept mixing stories of others and seemed more fiction/fantasy based than factual. I'm not a bob dylan fan at all, in fact I dont get his music or style at all and it annoys me however my fiance loves his stuff :) Cate Blanchett was incredible as expected but she was the only part of the film that was good to me. The end part was overall confusing to both Jimmy and I. It lost us totally. the part with the little black kid and country cowboys- I didn't quite understand that part of the film or what it meant and neither did Jimmy.
We also saw "Grace Is Gone" with John Cusack. Jimmy said he thought it was good but I thought it was bland, mediocre, severely lacking more depth and substance altho I agree with him that it was sad and it made both of our eyes tear up. I just felt it was really lacking. I feel like since Jimmy idolizes john cusack, he gave it a higher rating than it deserves LOL I love john cusack too but the film would be considered a definite bomb by my standards!!
Anyway that's it for now :)
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