indecisiveness has brought me to a decision.

Personally I'm not a high heel type of girl and am not known for wearing them really aside from those oxford style boots or anklet boot styles that were out several years ago. Sandals never fit right and any heel oriented shoe has to be open-toed when fancy because most of them hurt my arch, heel, and toes and cause blisters and severe discomfort.

I dont have much tolerance for it but if I had to find an affordable high heel open toe sandal style with a small heel- I could push myself to actually do it.

I did try one on at david's bridal that fit good and felt comfy - more so than most high heeled shoes ive worn or owned- but i think after an hour of standing in them, they would hurt, there isnt much padding or support for the arch of the foot in this style and they arent even that nice in terms of not even being designer or leather. It seemed to be made of vinyl or patent fake leather, something like that.

I worry it would be expensive since its thru davids bridal and i was told I would have to dye it. I just dont have the money right now and am broke. Anyway I have been trying to figure it out in my head and really appreciate all the positive notes for the sketchers shoes. Actually 2 out of 9 readers were the only ones who felt that the shoes were not really appropriate or right for a formal wedding. And my matron of honor jenni's husband Duncan was questioning my choice saying he thought I wanted a formal wedding and I am wearing a formal style gown, it is floor length with somewhat of a mini/ small train.

Well, I've thought it over and although those sketchers shoes are adorable and pretty and feminine, they may not be fancy enough or well-matched for a formal gown and wedding and I feel after much internal struggle and debating in my head- that I should go with a more formal style sandal with heel either a mule style shoe or sandal with kitten heel style or something coctail- socialite worthy in style, I suppose. And these are the reasons why:

1. it is one day and I can push myself to get thru approx 8 or so hours, give or take, with heels on.

2. the ceremony won't be long and during the reception, i can always take off the heels or change to comfy shoes for dancing. during picture worthy moments like first dance with the groom, and garter time- i can make sure the heels are on, for the photos.

3. my fiance is going all out with tuxedo and shiny patent leather black shoes. i realize if anything, i would want to wow him with fancy sexy heels of some form even if not stiletto high [lol] because it is a special day for us, a monumental step for him who has sacrificed a lot to make this sort of commitment, and his first marriage. i want this memory to last forever and to blow him away.

4. if the groom is formal down to the shoes than i should be as well.

5. we are having a formal wedding and i am an all or nothing type of person, you either do it big and all the way or you don't do it at all. i don't want a half-ass wedding or to look like i have all the most fancy and elegant of weddings with a formal couture style gown, and a swarsovski gold/diamond tiara and veil and beautiful jewelry paired with mediocre shoes that are not anywhere on the same level - i just think it would look a little too quirky for my taste although i think it would be cute. i just think overall i'd stress/worry and drive myself crazy with wondering if the informal shoe is good enough. i think in my heart i know any self doubt means its a bad idea. if i feel this uncertain than i should just return the shoes and start looking for formal. i have made an appt with anna my bridal dress consultant at david's bridal for july 19th at 1pm- for jenni and i to go bridesmaid shopping. at that appt, i can explore what they have to offer in terms of formal shoe-wear and at the worst case scenario look at dept stores and shoe stores in the mall. we have two fancy rich extravagant malls in tampa that i can troll in the next few months and anna, the salesgirl at the bridal shop told me i would not have to take my dress in until september and would not need to buy the final wedding gown shoes until i take the dress in so that buys me some time and greatly reduces my worry and anxiety which has been just draining!

In all honesty, Jimmy was the one who suggested those shoes and helped me pick up the style and color - he was with me and he thought it was okay to wear with a formal dress and said he actually thought they were pretty and he liked them. He doesnt see what the big deal is about me wearing heels but I think in general its not a big deal to him or the most important and he genuinely saw the sketchers shoes i bought as "pretty" enough to pass with a formal gown and it matched perfectly.

You cant see it in the picture, but there are subtle plaid design on top of shoes with thin pretty gold thread sewn in - and it compliments the dress nicely and gives it a touch that makes it look a little more glitzy and feminine.

I will figure something out and for now am deciding against the sketchers, although I surely do appreciate all of your thoughts and comments/feedback on my shoes in the previous entry. I even feel really bad and guilty for changing my mind. I guess its that old fear of disappointing those who really loved the idea and the shoe style and the fear of annoying everyone or coming off as indecisive and overwhelming. I feel guilty for asking for people's opinions when I went and changed my mind in the end and am afraid people will think I wasted their time. I guess sometimes I really am a people pleaser at heart although I have overcome most of that and learned to be assertive in most situations. But there are times where guilt and shame rule me for no reason at all. Normal people would not understand but those who have been abused always know where I am coming from and exactly what I mean.