7.11.08
on tuesday morning, early in the morn. we traveled about 40 minutes away to downtown tampa by davis island where tampa general hospital is located and the spirometry dept exists for patients referred there, to measure one's breath [how long you are able to hold it, inhale or exhale] - specializing in treatment of asthma patients. Jimmy accompanied me. We registered on one floor and got basic paper work put into the computer and then I was directed to another floor and wing of the hospital. Once I arrived, I was told to wait in this tiny three seater corner of a waiting room next to the spirometry testing area. It also seemed to be a place for stress-testing but possibly related to breathing?
Once called in, I got Virgil- an older african american man who was kind, funny, and amusing whom even Jimmy easily talked with and joked and liked right away as we talked of him afterwards. Virgil taught me to use an asthma inhaler properly and actually took about fifteen minutes to go step by step with me and then practice a few times having me do it alone to ensure I was doing it correctly as I had expressed that I felt I wasn't entirely sure IF how I was doing it was right and had trouble knowing what the right way was because I'd only been diagnosed a year or more ago and was still learning since the inhaler wasnt something I used frequently.
My asthma problem is newer than most and more minor than others who were born with it and have had it their whole lives. I think it amazed/shocked Virgil how I was prescribed these meds and all but none of the drs I had had taken the time to show me how to use inhalers or even tell me how to do it.
I tried learning by reading the directions and following them but when it comes to things like that I am not very coordinated physically and I suck at combining two actions at once. you have to be able to push down the inhaler which shoots out the medicine but only after youve taken a deep breath, blow it out and then suck the air back AS YOU PUSH the inhaler down quickly and hold it for 10 long seconds. I am telling you its hard and something that takes time to master. I suck at things that involve THIS kind of coordination. I am a bit of a klutz, I admit!
Virgil did not teach me the tricks of the trade when it comes to Inhalers til the end of my appointment but I know it was something that he kindly offered to me out of generosity and wanting to help, knowing I didnt even know the basics. He even gave me a spacer with is a plastic piece of tubing that goes on top of the inhaler to ensure the right amount of medicine so one doesn't over inhale etc. I thanked him at the end, really grateful a stranger would do this and surprised since working in a hospital, health profession nowadays does not mean getting a kind, helpful, genuinely people loving health care worker. In fact its often the opposite, people who are rude, cold, passive aggressive, rushed, unempathetic. It's sad what most of the health profession has come to.
These are people desensitized who've forgotten the meaning of their chosen profession and have become hardened- probably due to the stress of it all. I know firsthand since my mother is a nurse, RN, and is burned out and one of the most skilled people at not showing emotion and being cold when it serves her. But this techie who acted like a dr was very kind and had a fatherly feeling, the kind I never had but always wanted.
In any case, prior to learning how to inhale my asthma medication- albuterol, Virgil had set me up at a computer and sat me down in a comfortable chair. He set me up with this apparatus to breath into and a sort of tube to put my mouth over and suck the air out of. It was embarrassing. HE kept telling me I wasnt inhaling hard enough and Jimmy was laughing. I felt self conscious. You had to keep your lips tightly around this piece of plastic while inhaling and exhaling otherwise air escaped and your breathing could not be accurately measured on this machine. It took about three teachings and tries with the technician before I could even start the test. In the end, it probably took about forty mins for this test.
After we returned home, we watched some of this trial live on trutv which involved a local murder case where we lived by citrus park. trial of joshua rosa. napped and then were about to get ready in the mid afternoon to make a trip over to my parents to pick up my mother for a 7' o clock meeting with a photographer we had found that does both full ceremony/reception photography [bw, color and artistic styles] as well as provides a DJ for reception.
The company is known as Celebrations of Tampa Bay and we'd found a fantastic package deal online and it was not going to be any cheaper than that elsewhere as we'd researched hundreds of other places via wedding magazines and websites. This one was $1500.00 for the entire pkg of dj and photography and if you booked, a special coupon of one hundred dollars off.
Just as we were getting ready to get into the shower so we could get ready for this appt, my father called Jimmy's cell phone to basically put him on the spot and criticize him and his family in regard to this wedding. He complained how he had a junk car and needed a new one and how my mom had paid for a lot already in this wedding. He also accused her [she was not home and had made this call behind my mother's back] and us of running around behind his back and betraying him by signing up for things for the wedding she had paid for [ie. my dress, caterer, chapel hall etc.]
My father went on to tell Jimmy that his family needed to pay for a photographer if we wanted one because he wasnt allowing my mother to pay for it or at least pay for half. I didn't hear the whole convo since I wasn't on the phone but I was next to him and could hear snippets thru the cell and felt shocked, angry, pissed, irritated- it was just unbelievably out of line to not only call my fiance like that but to put down his family and make hostile remarks such as this.
He claimed that nowadays the groom's family paid for half of the wedding. Both Jimmy and I stated that that was not true and he was out of touch. It was the bride's side and it has always been that way and he could look at any magazine or book and that was what it was going to tell him. He didn't want to hear it though + proceeded to tell us that we should not come over there to pick up my mother and should cancel our appt with the photographer/dj as he was telling us he would not allow her to go or put any money down for us.
We were outraged. what a control freak. I felt both angry and upset that my father had humiliated my fiance like that. Jimmy was extremely upset to the point that he felt sick to his stomach all nite and like throwing up. He felt awkward and angry at my father and didn't even want to talk to him after this and still today prob wishes to have nothing to do with him if he has any choice. I don't blame him.
I felt my dad was out of line, inappropriate, manipulative and deceptive because he purposely called when he knew my mother would be out, before we were to pick her up to gain control over the situation because I think he is jealous. I knew my mother would be furious at him when she found out because she doesn't think like he does and would see what he did as low and manipulative. Plus, she loves Jimmy and it would hurt her that my father insulted him and his family, possibly making Jimmy not like them. So anyway my father said he'd have my mom call us to talk things over and find a solution but he didn't want us going over there or getting her that evening.
Both Jimmy and I were extremely upset and anxiety ridden. It was his day off and we had planned this and now we had to sit around waiting for my mom's call and not knowing what to do or how to fix things and being afraid to call over my house if my mom did not call..So we waited for an hr and a half and knew she had to be home by then and my father had said she'd call by then but she had not and we were growing more tense and nervous by the minute w/o any resolve. We tried calling her cell but no one answered. Then I finally emailed her via my computer, explaining we weren't angry at her but needed to talk with her after dad had attacked Jimmy on the phone and canceled our appt and wanted to straighten things out and felt fearful to call her house if my dad was going to answer and we were very upset at his out of line behavior - appalled.
This was the actual email sent:
Hi Mom,
Dad called Jimmy earlier and said he would have you call us at 4pm so we have been waiting for your call. Are you home yet? Dad advised that you and Jimmy talk on the phone and said for us to wait for your call. Please call us at Jimmy's number as soon as you read this. We'd try to call you now, but after the things dad was saying to Jimmy-- both of us are afraid to call. He told us to not come over today or pick you up. We don't know what to do about the appt and we were waiting to go out to eat with you and are hungry, but until we can talk and clear this up, we can't do anything without talking to you first. We tried calling your cell a few times, but no one is answering and don't know how we can reach you.Please call us at Jimmy's number - as we are waiting for word from you. Thanks and I'm sorry if we've caused any inconvenience.
Love,
April
We decided we needed to eat something and could not wait any longer for my mom's call. I stated in the email for her to call Jimmy's cell. We went to Bennigan's- had soup and monte cristo. She called shortly before our food arrrived on the table. Jimmy said she was very apologetic and sounded very upset. She apologized up and down and said she was embarrassed/humliated and didn't agree with dad's behavior or approach and her and Jimmy agreed to work something out but do it without letting dad know. My mother at the end of her conversation with Jimmy actually told him, "Love you" and I heard him say it back. Every now and then my mom will write me short emails reminding me how wonderful Jimmy is, how lucky I am to have him, how nice he is, and generous and loving. There is something about him that she seems to really like and be touched by.
At times they remind me of each other. She is similar to Jimmy- strong, hardworking, ambitious, workaholic, people-person/loves people, outgoing, social, fun personality in social settings, adventurous, versatile, well-rounded.
