(soul.blue.print.): contrast + compare.

reminiscing, i found this past entry from my birthday on november 1st of 2006-- it ties to my recent previous entry on the gifts i am giving alexcia on saturday for her 7th birthday as that was the first time I saw Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas and since I am nearly a Halloween baby LOL-

Since, I am nearly a Halloween baby [born day after] LOL- i found it a perfect way to spend my birthday back in 2006. my fiance took me to watch the special release for the holiday season in 3D at a really big theater in a hip area in st. pete.

you can see what i mean by the pictures below. i've just copied the past entry in order to share this memory with current faves. :) some of these are my most favorite pix of myself from that year!

this is how i used to be and look, prior to moving in with my fiance. [that's why i get depressed over the way i look as of late!]

i was a lot thinner there by ten pounds. 10 sounds tiny but on my body, its been huge + horrible. once i tackle all this wedding stuff and get situated in life, emotions sorted, treated- i intend to overcome this and conquer it. just from being sick recently, i unknowingly LOST some weight. its the lowest ive weighed in a few yrs so i was pretty shocked. im sure it has to do with cutting out coke, and drinking small servings of gingerale, water or gatorade in exchange. as well as barely eating due to pain and disinterest in food.

i am still sick as i've been all week in that i have been crampy, nauseaus, weak, feverish, coldsweat, migraines, upset stomach and all that but also just got my period so i've found a new pain to battle, the cramps have been horrible.

midol isn't even working. i still can't believe i could lose weight while i've got my period and am bloated. it always puts on a few pounds extra. i guess i really have been sick. :(

i just still can't believe that i am down to 101 pounds.

i weighed 107 in july or august.

because of being sick and also having alexcia's birthday to celebrate tomorrow- everyone felt it best i cancel my bridal gown alteration appt because my stomach is tender, sore, bloated, i have my period + my weight is uncertain now. it would have been my first fitting but it's way too overwhelming and stressful after what i've been thru this week and i am so drained from being sick that i can't emotionally handle a whole lot.

we've rescheduled for next wkend. i will be off my period by then and hopefully i will have recovered from this sickness so i can be strong enough to tackle what i need to do for my wedding. sigh.

anyway back to sharing this past memory..

i loved how these came out and it makes me wistful to be like this again.. but it's been impossible ..i am hoping i can get back to this, in the near future. i had a lot of confidence back then and this was only 2 yrs ago. i've really become so burned out lately.

anyway, i DID have so much fun posing for these..i hope i can experience that one day again :)

+++

Pictures From my birthday this evening with Jimmy- he took me to Bay Walk in downtown St. Pete and we had dinner at a nice place called- Too Jay's. He had a chicken salad sandwich while I had a salmon fillet entree with roasted potatoes and asparagus. It was pretty good.

Afterwards, he thought he'd take me to a movie that was specially being offered there and not by him and a favorite one of his from the past- (I had never seen it but liked it and thought it was cute) Tim Burton's The Nightmare before Christmas in 3-D film.

After, we took a few pix around bay walk and then by venoi park in st. pete, here are the pix from that nite!

Oh, he also gave me a very sweet and touching beautiful I love you card for my birthday and he wrote how much I mean to him, how happy he is to have me and how proud of me he is with the progress I've made in the past yr and that he will continue to be here to help me in the next yr and then wrote how lucky he is to have a beautiful, brilliant, caring and loving person like me and that he couldn't ask for more. I didn't open it til he had dropped me home and I was alone so it was very touching to my heart as I wasn't expecting it. (he has been expressing love to me since the beginning of october after we had an important talk but this was the first time he ever gave me a love card or anything so romantic and associated with love so it makes me very happy!)

He did give me my birthday present a week early (gucci - rush perfume) and is taking me to two concerts and included that as part of my bday gifts (the cult this friday and on tues, the twilight singers) and I think he wish he could've given more but I was very happy with what he gave me and most importantly that I got to spend any amount of time with him on my birthday. It was very sweet, nice and romantic. Anyway I just wanted to share my day and share some pictures below.

(i color fixed most of the pix, some of them I will include the original with the closer cropped version afterwards, and certain ones if they were sharp and vibrant enough- I also converted to black and white. They came out really beautifully! Enjoy :))

see below! (this was before we lived together and in our first year of dating, by the way :))

Before Jimmy picked me up with alexcia: